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Love shouldnât be a power struggle
The main problem with this game is that itâs a power struggle đ„. At one moment, weâre dominated, at the next, weâre dominant. For many people, seduction is a game played like this, but itâs unhealthy. When you date someone, the goal isnât to establish domination. You shouldnât believe all the coaches who sell this as something positive đ. A healthy relationship is based around communication and actively listening to the other person.
đŹ My testimonial: For a long time I was single, but that didnât stop me from going on dates and seeing men. Among my dates, I came across individuals who shunned me after a few weeks of love bombing. This made me dependent, and my self-confidence went downhill. I questioned myself, although I wasnât the problem, they were! Once I let go, they came back like flowers. Sometimes I played the game, running away from them in turn, but one day I said stop because this isnât the kind of relationship I wanted. Running away is a behavior thatâs now one of my red flags đ©! |
The reasons for escaping
For the person running away, there are obviously reasons. Even if, I find it childish not to have the courage to tell the truth and run away. If someone runs away from us, itâs probably because:
- He doesnât know what he wants,
- Heâs indifferent / he doesnât value us enough,
- He doesnât have enough feelings,
- Heâs scared of commitment,
- He feels pressured by our feelings.
The person youâre dating is allowed not to have feelings. However, running away and leaving the other person in a state of incomprehension, or even ghosting, means you have a rather low level of empathy.
đ âYes, but what if we just want a one-night standâ đ? You show your hand clearly to avoid any misunderstandings or the other person getting attached. You also need to realize that not everyone works in the same way, so you need to take the time to explain your vision of things.
Escaping or creating dependence
The main problem with running away is that it will set up an emotional dependency. Once you notice this mechanism, it will be impossible to have a fulfilling and caring relationship. Indeed, for a romantic relationship to work, it shouldnât be a power struggle. Running away means putting yourself first, while flattering your ego when you see that the other person is looking to see you again. You neglect the fact that this creates a deep imbalance and that one of you is suffering, which is why this mechanism can be described as a dangerous game.
â ïž When someone does this consciously, it can come close to the behavior of a narcissistic pervert who wants to have a hold on the other person. This game can be one of the mechanisms for manipulation! It makes us fragile as we depend on the other person to feel good, and we only live through their eyes. Itâs vital that you get out of this power struggle and donât use it yourself đ€.
How to stop the âtreat them mean, keep them keenâ?
I would say stop the relationship immediately, but thatâs easier said than done, especially when you have feelings for that person. Itâs important to be aware of this unhealthy mechanism, and itâs usually those around you who point out that itâs not normal. Personally, it was my friends who told me that I didnât deserve to be treated like that, it was like a bucket of cold water on my head đ±!
Putting communication back at the heart of things
Now, should we reverse the situation and run away ourselves đ§? Well no, otherwise weâre carrying on with the game. Weâll also be waiting for the other person to come back to us, while pretending that weâre not interested. On the contrary, I think that the best way to stop this is to communicate. Indeed, I always say that communication solves a lot of problems, and itâs true!
You shouldnât hesitate to express your emotions to the other person: âYour behavior is hurting me, I donât want this kind of relationshipâ. This can help the other person take a stock of their behavior and understand why they acted like that.
Self-confidence and limits
Now that youâve expressed yourself, youâre entitled to distance yourself. Youâve broken the mechanism of the game by saying out loud what was wrong. What you need now is to take care of yourself. As I said, it may have an impact on your self-confidence, even make you afraid of loving. Indeed, being the victim of such behavior can leave traumas, so you should take the time to rebuild yourself and rediscover your self-confidence. If not, you continually risk being in imbalanced relationships and getting bogged down in suffering.
Editorâs note: I donât play anymore!This old technique is still talked about, but remember that it wonât do you any good. If you start on this basis, donât expect anything solid for your relationship. Youâve understood that itâs a kind of psychological game and to escape it you just have to stop playing, no more treating them mean, keeping them keen⊠However, this is much easier said than done, especially when feelings are involved! If your romantic relationships are complicated, if the same patterns keep repeating themselves, then itâs important to contact a psychologist in order to understand whatâs going on and how to implement new habits for a happier emotional life. đ€ Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... Itâs here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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