I'm Too Scared To Fall In Love; How Can I Overcome This Fear?

Last updated by Katie M.

In love, things are never really certain and just when we think things are going well, they often seem to derail. That being said, when you consider that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it's no wonder that reluctance to fall in love is becoming an increasingly common phobia amongst people. This fear hides deep-seated anxieties and can become very painful and penalizing... To overcome your worries and cast them aside once and for all, you need to understand where they originate from.

I'm Too Scared To Fall In Love; How Can I Overcome This Fear?

The loss of control and vulnerability that love brings about often frightens us. We dream of passion and great thrills, but we still need to dare to open our hearts and let our emotions rule us. 


Faced with the thought of falling for someone, some of us panic and can therefore sabotage their relationships. But, what are the reasons behind this? What drives people to run away from love? 

How can I vanquish my fear of falling in love and experience my fairy tale?

A painful memory can often be the cause of a fear of love. As soon as this feeling begins to dawn, the fear of humiliation, break-ups, or infidelity push one to flee from this commitment. To overcome this anxiety, acceptance of the situation, time and open-mindedness are all essential methods of recovery.

1. You need to accept your situation

If you're struggling to rebuild your life after a breakup, then how do you move on? Before you think about developing new feelings for someone, you need to forgive yourself, forgive your ex, and most importantly, accept that your past relationship is over. In short, you must convince yourself that you weren’t meant to be together.

>>> We think you might like; how to get over an ex <<<

2. Take your time and open up to others

Once you have accepted your situation, you must take the time to get to know yourself, take stock of your deepest desires, do what you like and above all not throw yourself into the first adventure that comes along. Try to acknowledge your feelings and emotions.

Thinking deeply

Finally, it is important to understand and accept that a relationship is risky but worthwhile. Give yourself a chance to experience this amazing emotion!

What are the causes of us being scared to find love?

Fear of abandonment, fear of being disappointed, fear of being deceived, or the feeling that we are not worthy of love are common explanations. Here are the 3 most common reasons for a disastrous conception of this emotion:

1. A bad image of relationships built up during childhood

The image we have of a relationship is composed during childhood. In this sense, it is a crucial period. We form our first idea of relationships by observing our parents, the way they communicate and function. If this model does not live up to your expectations or is even downright toxic, it may explain your apprehension of loving.

2. You've experienced painful past relationships

To identify the source of your anxieties, ask yourself the right questions; What were your love stories like? What memories did your ex leave you with? Any new relationship inevitably brings back your experiences and can at the same time reopen old wounds such as betrayal... It may be time to face your demons because only you can do it.

>>> Read about how to overcome betrayal here and move on. <<<

3. You lack self-confidence

How can you love or be loved when you don't value yourself? When we lack self-confidence, we can very quickly enter a vicious circle, and this unhappiness causes many breakdowns. Your irrational fear of not being wanted, being replaced or even cheated on can push your partner to run away because they will not feel worthy of love.

If you suffer from this phobia, take time to reflect on your past, including your childhood and relationships. What conclusions can you draw? Also, think about working on your self-confidence to live fully and serenely. Once you are aware of the reasons for your discomfort, you will be ready to invest yourself emotionally in a new relationship.

How do you love someone who is scared to love? - 5 Tips

1) Listen to your partner and their fears

Take the time to sit quietly with your partner and really listen to what they have to say. Indeed, to reassure someone who is afraid of love, you must make them understand that you are there for them. This will allow you to heal any wounds they may have or avoid any misunderstandings. So, by intentionally listening, you will help your partner calm their mind and remind them of how much you care.

2) Make a list of everything you like about them

Reassuring a man who is afraid to love is like convincing a fish that is afraid of water to jump into the sea. It may seem impossible. But something as simple as a list of qualities that show him how special you think he is can help. And you can ask him to do the same for you. That way, he doesn't have to say out loud what he likes about you. This list can also help you put to rest any irrational jealousy, doubts, or insecurities you may have.

3) Cuddle and kiss

Sex isn't the only essential component of a relationship. Your man also needs you to touch him sensually, but without involving a romp. He doesn't want to feel like you're just trying to satisfy your natural needs. To reassure a man who is afraid to love, you need to make him understand that he is not just a body capable of giving you pleasure.

4) Compliment him

How do you reassure a man? Hmm. Maybe he needs to know that you have his back no matter what. So, you can opt for the public compliment technique. Instead of telling your partner why you love him, praise him in front of others. Whether it's your partner's friends, your own friends or people you've just met, talking about your partner positively will help him or her relax.

5) Inflate their ego

So, your man needs you to continually reassure him about his career choice, his quality as a partner, his attractiveness, his sexual performance, and also his character. So, when he succeeds in a project at work, compliment him on his personal investment and success. If he opts for a new hairstyle, reassure him that it will enhance his appearance.

Can falling in love trigger anxiety?

The simple answer is YES! Now, falling in love is supposed to be a beautiful and straightforward experience, however, real life is a little different to the Disney movies we watched when we were growing up. In reality, love is a rollercoaster journey and not one for the faint of heart. It involves plenty of twists and turns which, coupled with our previous experiences, can trigger anxiety. The sad truth is, many of us have been cheated on, lied to, emotionally abused, and taken advantage of, and none of these horrific experiences are without consequences. Indeed, these experiences often taint our future relationships and mean that we become somewhat paranoid and anxious whenever we meet someone we really like. In fact, no matter how much we like someone, if we have been treated poorly beforehand, doubts, worries, and anxieties with regard to the future are inevitable, no matter how kind and reassuring the guy is.

>>> Discover the 333 rule for anxiety

Is it normal to feel scared to get into a relationship?

Fear is a feeling that determines our actions, which can lead us to make mistakes, and create barriers... We have all experienced it. It is essential to fight it in order to move forward and to meet love. The fear of love is also the fear of meeting someone new. For some people, it is linked to the negative image they have of the man or woman and of the couple. For example, some women do not feel able to trust men anymore because they keep in mind the image of the unfaithful man. Some women have spent many years with the notorious narcissistic pervert. Depending on our experiences, it can be normal to feel afraid of getting into a new relationship.

Even if it is a general rule, they will record this scenario and project themselves into it with the men they meet. They will then visualize the suffering they could experience if this really happened and will run away to avoid it. So, for example, will men think that all women are venal? Some men have also suffered from a heavy, suffocating relationship with a woman who is jealous. It is not necessary to rely on these generalities or bad experiences. Each person and each relationship is different.

The fear of love also appears when we are afraid of suffering, that our partner does not love us as much as we can love him, the fear of becoming dependent on the love of the other and therefore no longer control anything, the fear of living a passionate love that could end. Most people who are afraid of love are anxious and fear suffering by being left, manipulated, by having made the wrong choice of partner... But love is a risk, and you have to accept it to be able to progress in your relationship, in your couple, and to be able to love. Do not let fear create barriers of protection that will prevent you from living a beautiful love relationship.

The editor's opinion: Fear and love are inseparable

Talk about your difficulties with your loved ones, because they will be able to help you in your reflection and advise you. Sometimes it is enough to change the prism to find a solution. And if this is not enough, you can also consider doing this work with a therapist.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


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Article presented by Katie M.

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Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

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