Fear Of Loving: How To Overcome It

In love, things are rarely certain. When you consider that one in two marriages ends in divorce, it's no wonder that fear of love is an increasingly common evil. This fear hides deep-seated anxieties and can become very painful... That's why it's important to get rid of it and overcome your fears. To beat your fears, you need to understand them, discover the 3 reasons why you are afraid to love and how to get rid of them.


The loss of control and vulnerability that love brings often frightens us. We dream of passion and great thrill, but we still need to dare to open our hearts and let our emotions rule us. 


Faced with the thought of falling in love, some people panic and can sabotage their relationships. But, what are the reasons behind this? What drives people to run away from love? Is the fear of love stronger in men?

How can you overcome your fear of loving?

A painful memory can often be the cause of a fear of love. As soon as the feeling of love begins to dawn, the fear of humiliation, break-ups or infidelity pushes one to flee from this commitment. To overcome this anxiety, acceptance of the situation, time and open-mindedness are good ways to find the path of love again.

1. Accept your situation

If you're struggling to rebuild your life after a breakup, then how do you move on? Before you think about developing new feelings for someone, you need to forgive yourself, forgive your ex, and most importantly, accept that your past relationship is over. In short, you must convince yourself that you weren’t meant to be together.

>>> We think you might like; how to get over an ex

2. Take your time and open up to others

Once you have accepted your situation, you must take the time to get to know yourself, take stock of your deepest desires, do what you like and above all not throw yourself into the first adventure that comes along. Try to acknowledge your feelings and emotions.

Thinking deeply

Finally, it is important to understand and accept that a relationship is risky, but worthwhile. Give yourself a chance to experience love!

Why are we afraid to love? What are the causes?

Fear of abandonment, fear of being disappointed, fear of being deceived, or the feeling that we are not worthy of the love are common explanations. Here are the 3 most common reasons for a disastrous conception of love:

1. A bad image of relationships built up during childhood

The image we have of a couple is composed during childhood. In this sense, it is a crucial period. We form our first idea of relationships by observing our parents, the way they communicate and function. If this model does not live up to your expectations or is even downright toxic, it may explain your apprehension of loving.

2. Painful past relationships

To identify the source of your anxieties, ask yourself the right questions: What were your past experiences like? Your first love experience? What memories did your ex leave you with? Any new relationship inevitably brings back your past experiences and can at the same time reopen old wounds such as betrayal... It may be time to face your demons, because only you can do it.

>>> Read about how to overcome betrayal here and move on.

3. A lack of self-confidence

How can you love or be loved when you don't love yourself? When we lack self-confidence, we can very quickly enter a vicious circle, and this unhappiness causes many breakdowns. Your irrational fear of not being wanted, being replaced or even cheated on can push your partner to run away, because they will not feel worthy of love.

If you too are afraid to love, take time to reflect on your past: childhood and love relationships. What conclusions can you draw? Also, think about working on your self-confidence to live fully and serenely. Once you are aware of the reasons for your discomfort, you will be ready to invest yourself emotionally in a new relationship.

The shrink's opinion: Fear and love are inseparable

For Catherine Audibert, psychologist and psychoanalyst, we must not forget that "love is always a risk, because all love contains within itself the risk of loss. This is why fear and love are inseparable, and this is what we must also accept in order to be able to love. »

Talk about your difficulties with your loved ones, they will help you in your reflection and advise you. Sometimes it is enough to change the prism to find a solution. And if this is not enough, you can also consider doing this work with a therapist.

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