Today, we expect love to give us meaning to our lives, along with happiness, comfort, and security. However, the problem is that all these expectations are totally unrealistic and risk causing great suffering and eventual exhaustion.
What is a love burnout?
When it comes to the relationships, our expectations are often high and some of us are guilty of being very demanding. We tend to idealize our partner in the early stages and therefore miss red flags. The trouble is that between our often unrealistic expectations and the idealization of our partner, we quickly fall off the wagon and become weary and disillusioned. It’s this contradiction between expectations and reality that is at the root of a relationship burnout and exhaustion.
The disenchantment is linked to the end of the passion and the eventual wear and tear of that daily life has on a relationship. That's right, when the date nights dry up, so does the spark in a long term romantic relationship… The person going through a burnout in a relationship will then find it hard to accept that their can’t live up to the image we created of them.
Burnouts can affect even the strongest couples when our ideals really are different from reality…
It's hard to cast a stone against those whose expectations exceed reality. They are often linked to education or to the various images we perceive as love, through advertising or romantic movies. Passion, tenderness, friendship, support, sex, etc. a couple has many ideals to carry on their frail shoulders.
However, life in a relationship requires a lot of adaptation and compromise. Even though true feelings and dedication can help, the fact remains that two different people who decide to live together need support throughout their adventure. The truth is, love doesn't solve all of our problems and must, no matter what happens, we must face reality.
If your man leaves laundry lying around and this drives you crazy, your so called 'perfect partner' will lose points in your eyes. You could go as far as being disappointed or interpreting this sign as a lack of love.
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Am I tired of my relationship? Here are the indications you are:
Right now, do you feel like something's wrong? Are you dragging your feet when going home? Do you spend the night asking yourself a thousand and one questions about your current status? If so, it's time to find out if you're burning out. Here are the symptoms that should push you to act.
- Tensions and arguments between you are becoming more frequent.
- You always feel like you are misunderstood, and your opinions are never taken into account.
- You are demotivated and discouraged by the relationship, to the point of feeling desperate.
- You are experiencing moments of depression that are becoming more and more frequent.
- You have the feeling that you are trapped: you burn out in love when you feel unhappy in a relationship but don’t feel ready to leave it.
- You feel resentful.
- You've stopped talking about the important things and are more like roommates than lovers.
- Finally, you may also suffer from chronic fatigue, sleep disturbances and stomach aches.
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How can you avoid going through this pain?
You must identify your unrealistic expectations, and become aware of their harmful effects on daily life and inevitable inconveniences. Although, beware, it is not a question either of locking yourself into a relationship that doesn’t satisfy you, but rather of finding happiness in a relationship, however imperfect it may be. At times, we must learn to be more accepting and satisfied with our current situations, after all, there's no use in wishing your life away.
What's next? Breakup or a temporary split?
Breaking up is not always the right solution here. If both partners are willing to make an effort to fix the situation, then the crisis can be quite temporary. As always, communication is the key. For peace of mind, partners need to start showing more empathy towards each other. If the problem persists, couple’s therapy may be a solution, in order to start a dialogue in a neutral environment.
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