Are You Going Through A Love Burnout? Here Are The SignsSorry to break this to you, but a burnout can also affect your love life! A love burnout occurs when one of the partners feels emotionally exhausted and is linked to an accumulation of disappointments. What are the signs of emotional exhaustion? How can you avoid going through this or cope with it if it has already set in? Here's everything you need to know.
Today, we expect love to give us meaning to our lives, as well as to bring us happiness and security. However, this isn’t the main purpose of love. The problem is that all these expectations are totally unrealistic and risk causing great suffering and an eventual love burnout.
What is a love burnout?
When it comes to the relationships, expectations are often high. We tend to idealize our partner in the early stages. The problem is that between our often unrealistic expectations and the idealization of our partner, we quickly fall off the wagon. It’s this contradiction between expectations and reality that is at the root of a love burn-out.
The disenchantment is linked to the end of the passion and the wear and tear of that daily life has on a relationship. The person going through a burnout in a relationship will then find it hard to accept that the other person can’t live up to the image we created of them.
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When our ideals are different than reality, ouch!
It's hard to cast a stone against those whose expectations exceed reality. They are often linked to education or to the various images we perceive as love, through advertising or romantic movies. Passion, tenderness, friendship, support, sex, etc. a couple has many ideals to carry on their frail shoulders.
However, life in a relationship requires a lot of adaptation and compromise. Even though love can help, the fact remains that two different people who decide to live together need support throughout their relationship. The truth is, love doesn't solve all problems and must, no matter what happens, face reality.
If laundry left lying around drives you crazy, the image of the perfect partner falls apart. You could go as far as being disappointed or interpreting this sign as a lack of love. In short, the reality is devastating: how can the ideal person leave their socks lying around? That's how burnout is born.
Am I burning out in love? Signs that should alert you
Right now, do you feel like something's wrong? Are you dragging your feet hen going home and spend the night asking yourself a thousand and one questions? Stop, it's time to find out if you're burning out. Here are the symptoms that should push you to act.
- Tensions and arguments between couples are common.
- You always feel like you are misunderstood and your opinions are never taken into account.
- You are demotivated and discouraged by the relationship, to the point of feeling desperate.
- You are experiencing moments of depression that are becoming more and more frequent.
- You have the feeling that you are trapped: you burn out in love when you feel unhappy in a relationship but don’t feel ready to leave it.
- You feel resentful.
- Finally, you may also suffer from chronic fatigue, sleep disturbances and stomach aches.
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How to avoid burn out in love?
Finally, to avoid this burn out situation, identify your unrealistic expectations and become aware of their harmful effects on daily life and inevitable inconveniences. Beware, it is not a question either of locking yourself into a relationship that doesn’t satisfy you, but rather of finding happiness in a relationship, however imperfect it may be.
What's next? Breakup or a temporary split?
Breaking up is not always the right solution to a love burn out. If everyone is willing to make an effort to fix the situation, then the crisis can be quite temporary. As always, communication is the key. For peace of mind, partners need to start showing more empathy towards each other. If the problem persists, couple’s therapy may be a solution, in order to start a dialogue in a neutral environment.
For François Saint-Père, psychologist specializing in couple therapy and author of "Burnout amoureux" :
"We can try to rebuild our relationship and try to hold on to our partner who is burning out in love by mobilizing ourselves to help him or her.