Today, we expect love to give us meaning to our lives, along with happiness, comfort, and security. However, the problem is that all these expectations are totally unrealistic and risk causing great suffering and eventual exhaustion.
What is a relationship burnout?
When it comes to the relationships, our expectations are often high and some of us are guilty of being very demanding. We tend to idealize our partner in the early stages and therefore miss red flags. The trouble is that between our often unrealistic expectations and the idealization of our partner, we quickly fall off the wagon and become weary and disillusioned. It’s this contradiction between expectations and reality that is at the root of a relationship burnout and exhaustion.
The disenchantment is linked to the end of the passion and the eventual wear and tear of that daily life has on a relationship. That's right, when the date nights dry up, so does the spark in a long term romantic relationship… The person going through a burnout in a relationship will then find it hard to accept that their can’t live up to the image we created of them.
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Burnouts can affect even the strongest couples when our ideals really are different from reality…
It's hard to cast a stone against those whose expectations exceed reality. They are often linked to education or to the various images we perceive as love, through advertising or romantic movies. Passion, tenderness, friendship, support, sex, etc. a couple has many ideals to carry on their frail shoulders.
However, life in a relationship requires a lot of adaptation and compromise. Even though true feelings and dedication can help, the fact remains that two different people who decide to live together need support throughout their adventure. The truth is, love doesn't solve all of our problems and must, no matter what happens, we must face reality.
If your man leaves laundry lying around and this drives you crazy, your so called 'perfect partner' will lose points in your eyes. You could go as far as being disappointed or interpreting this sign as a lack of love.
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Am I tired of my relationship? Here are the indications you are:
Right now, do you feel like something's wrong? Are you dragging your feet when going home? Do you spend the night asking yourself a thousand and one questions about your current status? If so, it's time to find out if you're burning out. Here are the symptoms that should push you to act.
- Tensions and arguments between you are becoming more frequent.
- You always feel like you are misunderstood, and your opinions are never taken into account.
- You are demotivated and discouraged by the relationship, to the point of feeling desperate.
- You are experiencing moments of depression that are becoming more and more frequent.
- You have the feeling that you are trapped: you burn out in love when you feel unhappy in a relationship but don’t feel ready to leave it.
- You feel resentful.
- You've stopped talking about the important things and are more like roommates than lovers.
- Finally, you may also suffer from chronic fatigue, sleep disturbances and stomach aches.
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How to fix a relationship burnout?
It’s never too late to save a relationship, no matter how critical it has become. With these tips, you’ll soon be able to spice up your love life and capture your partner’s heart all over again;
- Break away from technology: Turn off the TV and any other technological devices (laptop, computer, tablet) to focus on you two. Indeed, they tend to break the dialogue and isolate you in your bubble. You have deserted the meals in love, and the delicate attentions in favor of your TV appointments. We're not asking you to skip the TV screen altogether, but you might want to plan it in a way that makes it romantic: have sushi delivered, light some candles, get out the blanket and snuggle up to him.
- Choose an activity for two: Theater, sports, or yoga... sharing something will bring you closer, and help create a new complicity. Set aside one evening a week just for the two of you. You can do it playfully, for example, one time it is you who organize the evening, another time it is him. The goal is to rediscover and surprise each other.
- Take charge of yourselves: The habit and intimacy of being in a relationship tend to lead to a certain amount of sloppiness. So, you pee with the door open while talking about your day, you talk with your mouth full, you wax on the couch while he's watching soccer, you smear stretch mark cream under his nose... But where is this charming and mysterious woman who seduced him? Make yourself beautiful and surprise him with new lingerie.
How can you avoid going through this pain?
You must identify your unrealistic expectations, and become aware of their harmful effects on daily life and inevitable inconveniences. Although, beware, it is not a question either of locking yourself into a relationship that doesn’t satisfy you, but rather of finding happiness in a relationship, however imperfect it may be. At times, we must learn to be more accepting and satisfied with our current situations, after all, there's no use in wishing your life away.
When to call it quits in a relationship - 3 Signs
If you wonder what you are doing in this relationship, if you are invaded by the fear of being alone while you are unhappy in your relationship, it is likely that the relationship has outlived its sell-by date. Everyone lives and sees the end of their relationship according to their own criteria, but what is common to all relationships that break up, is the feeling of disconnection with the other person. If you recognize yourself in one or more of the paragraphs below, it would probably be useful for you to re-evaluate your relationship or consider seeking professional help.
1) Your relationship has been drifting for a long time
Chronic, exhausting arguments, and brutal outbursts, leave you hurt, bitter, and without hope. Disconnected sexuality, is either totally absent (no sign of sensuality, tenderness), or the only intimate language of the couple. In both cases, intimacy, empathy, and complicity are no longer present. This climate, tense, violent, and toxic, has been going on for a long time.
2) You feel frustrated and unhappy
You have tried. Desperately tried to give your partner, your relationship, a chance. To no avail. Your overwhelming feeling is twofold: frustration and sadness. Not to mention the anxiety, the exasperation you feel very regularly.
3) Your tolerance threshold is very low
Everything in him (or her) annoys you, and/or vice versa. The slightest misstep, failure, or error turns into an aggressive conflict. You even find it difficult to bear his (her) presence, you make negative fixations on this or that aspect of his (her) physical appearance or personality. You have to make an effort to remember that one day you were in love, admired, and seduced by your partner.
How to overcome burnout in a relationship
Overcoming burnout in a relationship requires intense effort and dedication, however, the hard work will certainly be worth it in the long run. Deciding to save a relationship is a huge deal, and both partners must be on the same page about giving things another go. If one partner is more invested than the other, then a breakup will undoubtedly ensue. When it comes to overcoming burnout, you must work on your communication skills and get everything that you have been carrying around with you, off your chest. Not being able to speak your mind is one of the major causes for burnout in a relationship, because it is truly exhausting. Working on your communication is an important step to repairing the negative parts of your love story.
Can a relationship survive burnout?
It is possible for a loving relationship to overcome burnout, but this depends on many factors, such as the willingness of both partners to work on the relationship, communicate openly and make the necessary changes. Here are some things to consider:
- Recognition and understanding: It's important for both partners to recognize that they are facing love burnout, and to understand its causes and effects. This involves being aware of signs of emotional fatigue, exhaustion, or deterioration in the relationship.
- Open communication: Honest, open communication is essential to overcoming love burnout. Both partners must be prepared to express their feelings, needs, and concerns respectfully. This helps to better understand the sources of stress or tension in the relationship and to find appropriate solutions.
- Step back and refocus: Sometimes, burnout in love can be due to excessive investment in the relationship to the detriment of oneself. It can be beneficial for both partners to take a step back, focus on their personal well-being, engage in activities they are passionate about, and cultivate their own self-fulfillment.
What's next? Breakup or a temporary split?
Breaking up is not always the right solution here. If both partners are willing to make an effort to fix the situation, then the crisis can be quite temporary. As always, communication is the key. For peace of mind, partners need to start showing more empathy towards each other. If the problem persists, couple’s therapy may be a solution, in order to start a dialogue in a neutral environment.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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