The Radio Silence Technique: A Very Bad Idea!

Last updated by Lauren Hart

If there’s one thing that really gets under my skin, it’s when I hear advice on how to get your ex back through radio silence. I’m not a good example of this as I’ve tried it, but on the other hand, I’ve also experienced it. In both cases, it was nothing but suffering. It’s ultra-toxic behavior that only creates relational trauma. So it’s high time to forget this (very) bad idea!

The Radio Silence Technique: A Very Bad Idea!

A technique for getting your ex back

First, I think it’s necessary to clarify what the radio silence technique is. It’s a way to win back your ex by breaking all contact with them. It’s like ghosting, but I’d say there’s a nuance. Having been ghosted, I can assure you that the other person definitely doesn’t want you back 😅. On the contrary, you just want them to disappear from your mind, whereas with radio silence, there’s a desire to win them back...

>>> Discover why ghosters always come back

An illogical attempt…

So where to start? In principle, when you say ex, you think break-up! Basically, there’s a desire to separate and in principle, you aren’t supposed to have any contact after the separation. There are certainly people who remain friends with their ex, but still, I find it particularly stupid to apply this logic 🤦♀️. By the way, I’ve experienced it first hand, by trying to play with fire, you end up getting burnt.

… and desperate when you’re dumped

Yes, I moan about the radio silence technique, but I’ve done it myself before 😓. I was very young and still very much in love. I wanted to do everything I could to get the person I loved back, because I’d been dumped 💔. So I cut ties with my ex, hoping he would swan back in. And guess what? He didn’t come back, because for him, it meant that I’d moved on! It seems logical from an outsider’s perspective, but when you’re desperate and unable to give up on that love, you hope that the “treat them mean, keep them keen” technique works.

The silence of suffering

It didn’t work out for me, and obviously I suffered a lot. There was a lot of resentment and self-deprecation after this huge failure. However, suffering also occurs when the other person imposes radio silence on us.

Yes, there are some people who do this to get their ex back, like me, but others do it to be manipulative. And one day, I had the misfortune of experiencing this technique myself during a break-up and at the time, I fell for it. After several years, I understand that this is the symbol of a toxic love relationship.

A manipulative technique

Breaking off all contact voluntarily is indeed a manipulative technique. It’s done to create a brutal empty space for your ex, which is very unhealthy! This is how I felt when I was subjected to this radio silence. I was confused and did everything I could to get in touch with the person who’d disappeared overnight.

As much as I couldn’t do it myself, it worked on me 😅. So I went back to this person who got what they wanted. And I realized that in the end, I had been manipulated and was in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert.

👉 Indeed, this technique can go beyond the feeling of desperation to be a way of possessing the other person by manipulating their feelings.

Not respecting the desires of others

No matter if you’re just desperate or really manipulative, there’s something you need to learn: adopting a certain behavior to get what you want is toxic❗ You have to respect the other person’s desire to leave you and in that case, you need to learn to forget about them. We also need to communicate our emotions and desires. If you’re not satisfied with the relationship or the other person’s behavior, you need to summon the courage and express yourself in order to part ways smoothly.

Radio silence that causes damage

If I’m so vindictive with this technique, it’s because it will create emotional shocks. We will therefore adopt new biased behaviors that will interfere with our future relationships. Obviously, I never tried to use this technique again. Because I matured, and I was able to take a step back from my behavior so as not to be a toxic person in my relationships 🤗.

🚩 Radio silence, or even ghosting, should be among the red flags that tell us that this isn’t a healthy relationship. As soon as we spot this type of behavior, we need to run as far away as possible to protect ourselves 🏃‍♀️!

Editor’s note: Radio silence is a no-no!

Whatever you may have been told, the radio silence technique is a very bad idea that only leads to suffering. For you and for the other person. You don’t manipulate people, you don’t make them suffer unnecessarily, it’s just cruel and pointless. It’s better to have an honest and calm conversation to say what’s on your mind. If your relationships are a source of suffering, if the same patterns keep repeating themselves again and again, it’s time to make an appointment with a psychologist. In the course of the sessions, you’ll understand where these behaviors come from and how to implement new habits for a happier love life.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!


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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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