As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover how they behave in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.
Sexual narcissism involves ensuring personal pleasure and ignoring a partner’s needs and desires. This selfish behavior is common in those with a narcissistic personality disorder, and also suggests that those suffering from it will have an inflated ego regarding their performances beneath the sheets. Their need for admiration and praise is what drives them in all aspects of life, but will tinge their romantic relationships with toxicity that can be tough to move on from.
The red flags never lie… If you are looking for confirmation that your partner suffers from this disorder, be sure to look out for these signs in the bedroom.
Narcissists use sex as a weapon to get what they want, and are prepared to do whatever it takes to realize their desires. If their partners are unwilling to do something in the bedroom, they will become relentless and really crank up the pressure. They’re not averse to guilt-tripping their partners into doing things they’d usually be uncomfortable with. From them, sex is just another element of control that they can use to fulfill their needs.
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We’ve already touched on it, but pleasuring their partner really isn’t a narcissist’s priority, and this explains why sex with one is completely unsatisfying. Spending the night with one will leave you feeling dejected and, in some cases, could even lead you to question your self-worth. In the most serious cases, it could raise the subject of sexual abuse.
In order to blackmail their lovers into doing exactly what they want, they won’t hesitate to accuse you of being needy when you evoke the subject of your own sexual pleasure. These talented liars have what it takes to make people believe that their incompatibility issues are solely their partner’s fault. 
The harsh truth is that in order to save face, they’ll never admit their portion of responsibility.
A sexual narcissist always needs to feel good about themselves. This means they won’t be shy when it comes to boasting about their experiences and how many people they’ve slept with, (yes, you’ve guessed it, their number will no doubt be in the hundreds.) Although, because they are well-known fantasists and manipulators, it’s anybody’s guess as to how truthful their claims are.
When you refuse to obey the demands of a stroppy child, they will no doubt show off and make your life difficult for a while, well the same thing happens here too. When people aren’t at their every beck and call in the bedroom, these abusive personalities will become angry, spiteful and even violent. They need to be in constant control and given what they desire whenever they desire it. If you refuse to try out the position they’ve been wanting to do, you can definitely expect to receive a barrage of hate…
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Don’t expect them to be sympathetic towards you if you didn’t enjoy your latest tryst, or even if you found it painful. The only thing you should be ready to hear is how everything is your fault and that your pleasure is your own responsibility. Plus, if a narcissist sees you getting emotional, they’ll likely become more and more wound up but your supposedly ‘weak’ attitude.
Let’s break all the allusions here and put everything out there. Commitment isn’t something that a narcissist will ever truly want, so if you are expecting any semblance of loyalty or faithfulness from one, you’ll certainly be disappointed. They aren’t equipped to be in healthy relationships and will do everything in their power to avoid getting to this point. 
Their blatant rejection of commitment explains why they prefer one-night stands to long term relationships.
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Let’s face it, they probably don’t even understand the definition of affection. If you are involved with a sexual narcissist, you can forget tender caresses, stimulating foreplay and intimate cuddles after love making because once they’ve climaxed and are satisfied, they’ll be out the door in a flash; how romantic?! Unfortunately, the reality of the situation means that narcissists are incapable of love.
Sexual relationships are very much about giving and receiving, yet here we are dealing with a unilateral setup. With these folks being so demanding and needy, they’ll expect positive comments on their performance, but that won’t stop them from giving you pointers on how you could improve yours, because you obviously weren’t up to par.
Researchers, at the University of Toronto, conducted several experiments on a group of 173 volunteers with the aim of understanding how sexual narcissists function. They noticed how important comparison was for these people, especially when it comes to the frequency of intercourse. If other people are more successful sexually, these personalities feel resentful. If, on the other hand, others have less sex than they'll feel accomplished.
If you were wondering how a narcissist acts in the bedroom, you’ve no doubt just realized how perverted and twisted they can be. Although they don’t have a very healthy rapport with sex, they are certain things and scenarios that really excite them sexually.
For a narcissist, cuddling is a way to get you hooked and keep you under his control. It's not about developing an emotional bond with you, nor is it about meeting your needs or your desire for closeness, it's to keep you under the thumb. Although, if he withdraws or avoids cuddling, it's because at that point he no longer feels in control, and he wants that control more than he wants you.
>>> Read; Can a narcissist love you?
An intimate relationship with a narcissist is often a very traumatic experience. These abusers are always looking to satisfy their needs and dominate their partners, including in sexual relationships. Depending on the phase of the toxic relationship, they will behave differently. In reality, their goal is always the same: to please themselves and strengthen their hold on you. I have observed that with narcissistic men, there is a very strong inclination for sexual deviance essentially of the masochistic or dominant type. These penchants can be revealed progressively during the evolution of the couple's intimacy, and are very often totally ignored by those around them. The sexual imbalance of the perverse manipulator is expressed freely with the active "consent" of his victim.
A narcissist makes love using his secret weapon "manipulation" so that the victim can fulfill all his desires. As you know, he is a very dominant person in the relationship and therefore also in sexual relations, meaning when he decides he no longer wants to have sex, his decision will be final. We must keep in mind that everything a narcissist does is a calculated attempt to make their victim feel terrible about themselves.
When it comes to sex, a narcissist will withhold it in order to make their victim feel unattractive and ugly. These manipulators may even go as far as telling their partners that their performance in the bedroom is way below par, and that their exes were much better in bed. In short, they’ll do anything to make their victims lose confidence in themselves, and therefore ensure that they’ll never leave them. That's why lots of people no longer feel sexually desired by their partners.
However, it should be noted that if a narcissist refuses to have sex, he is probably getting some action elsewhere… Unfortunately, these folks will never truly sacrifice their own pleasure for the sake of anyone else, no matter how much they claim to love and care for them.
When it comes to sexuality, narcissists are a totally different breed of people. They will be completely dissatisfied with a vanilla relationship in the bedroom and often like to push things to the extreme. Indeed, they need action and to be in control of what goes on between the sheets. Female narcissists in particular are very demanding of their partners and hate being questioned or made to feel awkward about enjoying certain practices and positions.
A female narcissist has little to no time for their partner’s feelings in the bedroom, and will never really care too deeply about their pleasure either. For them, their own personal pleasure is paramount and takes priority over anyone else’s, which can evidently be hard to accept for certain folks.
These women need to be in control of every single details of their lives, so sexually there is nothing different here. They need to be the one calling the shots and will often decide when, where, how things go down with a partner or lover.
Now, we all know that narcissists do actually lack a lot of confidence in themselves, which is why they are so demanding on the compliment front. They like to feel admired and to be made to feel good about themselves and their bodies.
>>> Read; Are narcissists aware of what they do?
When it comes to sex, narcissists behave in a domineering way, but have the intelligence to make their victims believe that the sexuality they propose is the kind of sexuality they need to blossom and discover a new, richer, denser world. However, behind this sexuality, which may seem generous on the surface, the sexuality of the narcissist always implies the domination of the other, because they can only feel powerful through the submission of the other. There's nothing more pleasurable for the narcissistic manipulator than to see the hold they have over their victims in the bedroom. Of course, you won't see this immediately. Their demands will gradually increase, and they’ll first wait until they know you trust them completely before asking you to submit more and more.
These manipulators train their victim to do sexual things they don't want to do, and won’t care about their sexual needs. Sometimes it's even possible to feel a kind of disgust or embarrassment at their demands, but out of fear of losing them, the other person may end up agreeing to sexual acts that don't suit them.
Narcissistic people can sometimes be very attentive to their own pleasure, which can lead them to focus on their own satisfaction to the detriment of their partner's. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that all narcissists are bad in bed. Some can be highly competent and attentive to their partners. It's essential to note that the quality of the sexual experience also depends on communication, mutual understanding and compatibility between partners, far beyond the narcissistic personality alone. Ultimately, it's important to remember these kinds of personalities can pose relational challenges, but this doesn't automatically dictate the quality of the sexual experience.
>>> Read; Can we sleep with someone on the first night?
Editor’s opinion: Your needs matter too!A sexual relationship is supposed to be fulfilling and pleasurable for both partners, yet here it seems inconceivable. Suppressing your own sexual desires for the sake of someone else’s will only lead you further down the path towards a toxic relationship, and this will only make you unhappy in the long run. Having an open and honest discussion about your expectations isn’t an option, and suggests that the only effective decision to take is to walk away and find someone who respects and cares for you. 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Surely if they are able to withold sex and then go on and have sex with another 'willing' partner, this means I'm the one at fault or the one who isn't good enough and that 'she' must be better?
Sarah