6 Tips on how to support a loved one who is being abused by a narcissistic pervert
How to successfully go about helping a friend escape from the clutches of a toxic relationship...
1. Open your friends’ eyes to their reality
If a victim stays with her abuser, it is because she does not perceive him as such. If she isn’t able to see the level of danger linked to her situation, she may even try to find ways to fix her partner instead of facing the reality.
2. Help people become aware of their needs
In a gentle and roundabout way, getting victims to confide in you will lead them to question themselves and realize the toxicity of their situation. A commando operation would be too brutal, so avoid using crude words such as manipulator, narcissistic traits or controlling.
3. Facts need to be taken into account
When awareness floods in, moments of relapse will still be frequent and doubt will surge. The victim will wonder whether she’s exaggerating or even if she’s crazy. This is therefore when our friends need to be brought back down to earth with emotional support of course.
Here, patience is the key, because victims cannot be rushed into making decisions.
4. Be there for them no matter what
Our friends may attempt to push us away because the pain and denial are too overwhelming. Although these reactions might be hurtful, as support systems, we need to be strong and present during these moments. Being resentful and abandoning them will not help the situation.
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5. Believe them and avoid judging
After experiencing such physical and psychological abuse, the victim needs strong, unwavering support. Listening and understand her emotions is the best solution. Blaming her for her passivity will only break her more.
6. Help victims begin the process of reconstruction
In order to see the light at the end of the tunnel, she will surely have to take legal or psychological steps. When the time comes to rebuild, being accompanied by a professional who is well-informed on the subject is a lifesaver. This will allow the victim to develop her self-confidence again, and to understand why she is attracted to this type of relationship, so as not to repeat this pattern.
How to open a victim’s eyes to the manipulation they are suffering
This is the first result to be triggered. As long as the victim is not aware that something is wrong, they will not be able to decide to get out of the situation. There is no point in confronting the person you are trying to help. Shoving articles about manipulators under their noses will not help as long as the field of consciousness resists. To achieve a gradual awakening of consciousness, it is best to ask questions and show empathy. Here are some examples:
- "What would you say to me if I were experiencing the scenes you are explaining?"
- "Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in?
- "What do you need?
- "What would you say to your best friend if she was going through the same thing?
These are just a few examples, but they have the merit of bringing back essential things: the victim's needs (she is necessarily disconnected from them), the mirror effect that allows us to dissociate ourselves from what the victim is going through by projecting it onto someone she loves, bringing her back to what she wants to experience as a relationship. At first, the answers do not matter. What is important is to plant the seeds that will bloom sooner or later. What is essential is to maintain as much as possible the emotional bond and to awaken the critical spirit by asking neutral questions that do not induce or expect any particular answer.
Can you be traumatized by a narcissist?
Post-narcissistic stress disorder is a term that describes specific and often severe effects of narcissistic abuse. It often sets in during the relationship with a narcissistic pervert and remains present when one breaks free from the relationship. Although it’s not a recognized mental disorder, many experts recognize that abuse can have serious and lasting consequences on a person's emotional health and future. The main symptoms are:
You have intrusive thoughts.
The brain modified by narcissistic abuse trauma now has a powerful emotional system that reacts to the world around it. It also has a powerful generator of intrusive thoughts and involuntary feelings that suddenly seem to take over. The brain reacts to both external and internal stimuli generating its own distress.
You feel isolated.
When your loved ones are not listening to you, you probably feel very alone. This makes you vulnerable to further manipulation. The abuser may bring you back into the fold with kindness, even an apology, or by pretending that the abuse never happened. This tactic often works best when you lack support. You are more likely to doubt your perceptions of abuse when you cannot talk to anyone about it.
Those around you don't believe you.
Narcissistic abuse is often subtle. When it occurs in public, it can be so well disguised that others hear or see the same behaviors and don't recognize them as abuse. You may not even fully understand what is going on. You only know that you feel confused, upset, or even guilty about your "mistakes".
What is a typical narcissist victim?
You are definitely a victim of a victim of a narcissist if you doubt who you are all the time. A relationship with a narcissist is very destructive, especially from a cognitive and self-esteem perspective. The first sign is that you begin to doubt yourself. Here, you’ll no longer trust yourself and you no longer know what is true and what is not, what is right and what is wrong. You are in permanent doubt and can no longer trust your judgment, even for the simplest things. This is one of the signs of the grip. You begin to see the world as if through the filter of the other person's gaze, and are as if deprived of your own ability to discern. This obviously affects your perception of the relationship: the narcissistic pervert plays on guilt and victimization.
Editor’s opinion – Isolation is the worst solution
Victims often tend to be withdrawn because of the shame and embarrassment that they feel, and this behavior only glorifies a narcissistic pervert, who aims to isolate his partner. After the awareness and the steps mentioned above, it is necessary to help your friend or loved one to rebuild herself. A good first step is to remind her of her qualities, her kindness, her importance, her values and her skills. The idea is to rebuild her confidence and accompany her on her journey to rediscovering herself. You can also encourage her to re-enroll in activities that she enjoys. However, depending on the extent of the damage, getting professional help will be even more effective.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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