Let’s face it, we all unfortunately know a controlling manipulator that makes us feel horrible about ourselves. This statement may seem a little odd because according to official statistics, narcissistic perverts make up 3% of the population. The idea of this character profile sends shivers down our spines, but what are these people actually like? What makes them tick?
How to identify and stand up to a narcissistic manipulator in 9 steps
The question is always the same, how do we protect ourselves from these toxic people? To help you, find out how to protect yourself and how to leave a narcissistic pervert.
1) Learn to identify a narcissistic pervert
From the mean boss to the domineering partner, narcissistic perverts come in all shapes and sizes. Although, that being said, be careful not to fall into the trap of detecting manipulation everywhere you look. A true narcissistic pervert masters the following:
- Mixed messages
- Refuses to accept their wrongdoings
- Poor communication
- Constantly criticizes
2) Stop being so dependent
If you have identified someone completely toxic in your entourage, you need to start believing that you are strong enough to cut ties with them and walk away. You need to realize that you are surrounded by love and people that care about you. Try to figure out where you need for dependence comes from by opening up to a friend or a mental health professional.
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3) Don’t show your emotions
To throw a manipulator off, you need to maintain a calm and relaxed attitude when dealing with them. Think calm thoughts and don’t react to the provocative things they say. Being both offensive and defensive is a great tactic.
4) Take notes
A narcissistic manipulator is usually a big talker, yet what they communicate is often unclear and blurred. Offenders prefers verbal communication and never want to leave any written traces of what they say. If you suspect your boss, throw them off by asking ‘to be sure, is that really what you want me to do?’, for example. Keeping a journal is a great way to keep track of what has been said.
5) Start believing in yourself
Classic manipulators will always choose to prey on people who lack confidence and self-esteem, because it makes manipulation so much easier. Building up your confidence is really important when faced with someone so devious and underhand. Focusing on your positive points and qualities will soon show you that you aren’t as worthless as you have been made to believe.
6) Set boundaries and respect them
To get on with other people, you need to set boundaries in order to feel respected. When you consider that people outwardly disrespect you and your beliefs, don’t hold back on speaking up for yourself. Learning to stand up for yourself and say no will earn you the respect you deserve.
7) Learn to counter manipulate
The ultimate aim is to stop leaving yourself vulnerable to manipulation, which is why you need to act like nothing affects you. Hiding your weaknesses from your opponent will help give you the upper hand in the manipulation battle. Here are some tips to help you counter manipulate:
- Be polite
- Make jokes
- Use proverbs and sayings
- Use ‘we’ rather than ‘I’
- Don’t get into conversation
8) Avoid all contact
Even if you can’t totally avoid contact with the toxic people in your life, you can however try to limit your meetings. Ignore text messages, emails and attempt to completely cut them out of your life. Forgetting about them might be tough, but it’s definitely a necessary step to feeling better.
>>> Check out how to overcome your fear of loving
9) Get support
Those who fall victim to narcissistic manipulators often feel isolated and unable to talk about what they are going through. Feeling cut off from other people leaves victims even more vulnerable and exposed, cut speaking up is essential. A problem shared is often a problem halved, so confide in a friend or confidant.
Our expert's advice: Protect yourselfIf you have detected a narcissistic pervert in your surroundings you must learn to defend yourself. As psychologist Hélène Royer, a specialist in narcissistic perversion explains, the number one rule is not to doubt yourself. Don't doubt yourself, your skills, who you are, or those around you.
As Hélène Royer explains: "The victim must work to restore their knowledge of their values, skills and self-esteem. If they were victimized in a relationship, they must understand that the narcissistic pervert did not love them."
The path is not easy, but you can also get help from a psychologist to get back on your feet. Be strong.