Let’s be honest, narcissists are the biggest spoiled brats out there, which explains why they hate being told what to do. Narcissists thrive on control, and when they lose it, their entire sense of identity is threatened. For them, control is not just about power—it’s about maintaining their carefully crafted image of superiority. Losing control is their worst nightmare, and when it happens, they react with a mix of rage, manipulation, and desperation. Understanding how they behave when they lose control can help you protect yourself from their toxic tactics. That’s right, they need to lead the dance, however, escaping their grasp is possible, and inevitably provokes a loss of control in their minds. Now, these personalities often have extreme reactions when faced with their phobias, and losing control is no doubt a narcissist's biggest fear, so find out how they react here. ⬇️
How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you - 10 Things they do 😱
When the narcissist can’t control you, they’ll act out and do these things:
1) When a narcissist loses control of their victim, they become even more devious than before
Whenever a narcissist starts to panic, they step their manipulation up a level and unleash a new realm of rage, which must be said that many of us could never even imagine was possible. Narcissists are master manipulators, and when they feel their control slipping, they will stop at nothing to regain it. Their tactics become more extreme, and they may resort to emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse to instill fear in their victims. The goal is simple: to make you believe that life without them is impossible, and that you are powerless without their presence. They’ll yell, stomp their feet, sulk, and do everything in their power to keep you between their grips, even if it means becoming violent and physically abusive… Their goal is to scare you into thinking that you won’t be able to survive or get by without them, meaning that absolutely nothing is off limits. That’s right, they’ll act like a spoiled child having their favorite toy confiscated, yet their favorite toy is you; their victim.
2) When they lose control, they’ll give you the silent treatment
When a narcissist can no longer control you, they try to guilt-trip you into staying, so what better way to do so than by cutting off all forms of communication and acting like you no longer exist to them?
The silent treatment is one of the narcissist’s most effective tools for regaining control. By cutting off communication, they create a sense of abandonment and isolation, making their victim feel desperate for attention and validation. This tactic is designed to make you question your worth and wonder what you did wrong, all while the narcissist sits back and watches you unravel. Here, we are dealing with very smart people who aim to isolate their victims from their family members and friends, leaving them to believe they have no one else other than their abuser to turn to. Who would have thought that silence could be such a powerful tool?
>>> Read Why the silent treatment is so powerful
3) They’ll start up a smear campaign against you
A narcissistic personality disorder means that sufferers will do anything and everything to preserve their image and make their victims look like the guilty party. They’ll spin webs of lies in an attempt to get people to believe that the people they targeted are simply out to get them and jealous of their success and lifestyle. Narcissists are highly concerned with their public image, and when they lose control, they will go to great lengths to protect it. A smear campaign allows them to shift the blame onto their victim, portraying themselves as the innocent party. By spreading lies and rumors, they aim to discredit their victim and gain sympathy from others, all while maintaining their facade of perfection. Nothing is off limits here, and they really will go to great lengths to protect their reputation. So if you have recently broken up with your narcissistic pervert, don’t be surprised if you hear of rumors circulating about you on social media, for example.
4) They’ll go off the radar... for a while
Folks with such passive-aggressive personalities may simply just give you the slip when they believe that you have taken back the control. The idea of distancing themselves is to leave their victims with plenty of unanswered questions that will keep them up at night. Plus, for them, being the one who physically goes away will plant terrifying thoughts in the heads of their victims and plunge them into a sense of the unknown in regard to when they’ll show up again. That’s right, when they lose control, they’ll simply decide to ruin your life from miles away.
5) They might even stalk you
Because what’s scarier than the idea of being tracked everywhere? These vengeful beings aren’t above inflicting a last dose of terror on their prey, and often become obsessed with the idea of wrecking people’s lives by constantly lurking in the shadows.
Stalking is a way for narcissists to maintain control even after the relationship has ended. By keeping tabs on their victim’s every move, they create an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. This behavior reinforces their belief that they are omnipotent and untouchable, and it allows them to continue exerting influence over their victim’s life, even from a distance. In fact, the thought of making folks look over their shoulder excites them and makes them feel omnipotent.
6) They’ll go into denial mode
‘No, I’d never dream of doing that’ is probably their most used phrase… When their reputation is at stake, they’ll become the most sophisticated liars around and will refuse to accept and acknowledge the truth. Accepting they are in the wrong is completely out of the question, meaning they’ll fight to the bitter end in order to preserve their image, even if it involves making ludicrous claims and painting themselves out as the victim.
7) They’ll humiliate you
Whether it’s by revealing your deepest, darkest secrets or repeating things that you’ve said about other people, a narcissist will use your own past against you in an attempt to burn bridges with your loved ones. When they feel like the control is slipping from their fingers, these personalities will become obsessed with making you look like a bad person.
8) They’ll try to get a reaction out of you
Intense narcissistic rage means that these folks naturally know how to push their victims’ buttons in order to make them feel even worse. They are great at analyzing other people’s weaknesses and don’t hold back when it comes to exploiting them for their own gain. They’ll believe they’ve hit the jackpot if they can make their victims break down and seem unstable or unreliable.
9) They’ll make you want them back
They know how to charm people, and this is what makes them so successful in the art of lies and deception. Their naturally manipulative characters help them read situations and turn them around to their advantage. The truth is, their analytic skills mixed with their appreciation for love bombing make them hard to resist, especially when they promise to change and become better. They know how to guilt-trip and aren’t afraid to do so in order to get what they want, even if it involves blatant manipulation and lies. Plus, they never respect any boundaries and will therefore make it impossible for their victims to forget them.
10) They’ll give their all to totally break your confidence
From insulting you about your physical appearance, your weight, or even convincing you that no one will ever love you, narcissists have a way of making people believe that they are worthless and incapable of achieving anything without their presence. Wearing down their victims is a key step in getting them to stay and grabbing onto the remaining bits of control. After all, when our self-esteem is at rock bottom, moving on is definitely much harder.
💡 FAQ - What happens when a narcissist realizes they’ve lost you? ▼
When a narcissist realizes they’ve lost you, their reaction can vary but often involves a mix of denial, anger, and attempts to regain control. Narcissists cannot handle rejection or loss, and when they realize they’ve lost control over someone, it feels like a personal attack on their ego. They may go through a range of emotions, from denial to rage, and will often try to manipulate their way back into your life. If they can’t regain control, they may quickly move on to a new source of validation, leaving you feeling discarded and confused. Their inability to form genuine emotional connections means that they are more concerned with regaining control than with the actual loss of the relationship.
4 Signs a narcissist is losing control
When a narcissist feels their control slipping, they often exhibit specific behaviors indicating their growing desperation to regain dominance.
- Increased manipulation attempts: The narcissist intensifies their manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or playing the victim. This escalation is an effort to reassert control and manipulate your perceptions and actions.
- Emotional outbursts: They may have more frequent and intense emotional outbursts, including anger, frustration, or even crying. These outbursts are signs of their internal turmoil and fear of losing their grip on the situation or relationship.
- Desperation for attention: A narcissist losing control might seek excessive attention and validation, becoming overly dramatic or making grandiose claims to draw focus back to themselves. This behavior reflects their need to feel important and admired.
- Erratic behavior: Their actions may become unpredictable and erratic, swinging between extremes of affection and hostility. This inconsistency is a sign of their unstable sense of control and their struggle to maintain their facade.
💡 Practical tip time - How to deal with the aftermath of a narcissist flipping out and getting angry 💡
- 1. Stay calm 😌
Whatever happens, stay calm, even if the person is shouting and screaming. Behave as if you were with a child whose tantrums you are trying to alleviate. If you lose your composure, the narcissist is likely to blame you for your excessive behavior, which is likely to leave you disoriented, doubting yourself.
- 2. Don’t explain yourself ❌
Never forget that the narcissist doesn’t listen. They only want to win and make you feel wrong, in order to repair their fragile ego. Your interlocutor will simply deny and reject your point of view, whatever it may be. Keep your objective in mind.
- 3. Trust your point of view 🤝
The gaslighting technique can only work if doubt creeps in, and you don’t have enough confidence in your position. Above all, don’t second-guess yourself if the person says you’re "too sensitive" or that the offending event "didn’t happen". Don’t try to correct them. Remain calm, knowing deep down what really happened.
💡 FAQ - How does a narcissist regain control? ▼
🙆 When a narcissist feels the tables turning on them, they will do everything in their power to regain control and pull back their authority. Narcissists don’t take well to having their power diminished, which is why they won’t hesitate to become even more cunning and conniving when they feel that their victim is slipping away. Now, to regain control, these guys won’t hesitate to make fake apologies about their behavior, in a sick attempt to lull people into a false sense of security. Likewise, they’ll also make up excuses for their actions and will claim that they can change and become decent human beings. In short, they will intensify their lies and manipulation in order to remain in the driving seat, and you’ve guessed it, they won’t even feel bad about it.
Editor’s opinion - How to take control away from a narcissist - Be the decision makerOnce you’ve exposed your narcissistic abuser and can finally see them for what they truly are, you mustn’t back down, despite how intimidating the prospect of a future alone may seem. The key is to move forward and in order to do so, you can’t allow yourself to fall for their lies or to doubt yourself and your strength to walk away once and for all. When these folks lose control, they do indeed become much more dangerous, however that shouldn’t prevent you from freeing yourself from their malignant clutches.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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Jean Frank, 2 years ago
I think this should be taught to us at a much earlier age but your completely right I’m not same person because of letting the abuse go on for so long and didn’t even know I was being abused having a better understanding has helped so much in safeguarding against people who suffer from being a narcissistic person
Mathew cook, 2 years ago