Can We Sleep With Someone On The First Date?

Last updated by Katie M.

“Never on the first night!” We’ve all heard or uttered this phrase before. But here you are, in front of someone attractive, looks are exchanged, and the temperature rises little by little. This is when the angel and the demon on your shoulders start the debate: Is it better to wait before sleeping with this stranger? Or can you give in to the temptation? You wouldn’t want to be thought of as promiscuous, but at the same time, you only live once. We’ll tell you right now how much patience you can or can’t have!


It annoys us, sticks to us and prevents us from letting go, but does this prejudice still apply? Refusing to sleep with someone on the first night can be justified or not, depending on the desire of each man and each woman. This choice must be made by the person concerned, and since it’s sometimes difficult to make, we’ll shed some light on the subject.

When it comes to sleeping together on the first date, there are deep-rooted differences between men and women

They are very real, and we often pay the price for them! The differences between men and women aren’t just anatomical. If we rely on preconceived ideas, a woman who has sex on the first night will be perceived as easy, whereas a man will be deemed a “champion” by his peers.

Women are therefore expected to control their desires and their fiery impulses, which throughout history have been taken as voraciousness by men and another thing for women. Moreover, putting off doing the deed puts the feeling of love in the forefront is so a woman would have no reason to experience arousal or have a fulfilled sex life outside a relationship. A man can base his decision on a woman’s actions to determine whether she will be the mother of his children or just a one-night stand. On the other hand, if a man chooses to wait before sleeping with someone, he would be perceived by others as weak and unmanly.

In light of these prejudices, which are in no way indicators, we want to say stop! We’re fed up with being a slave to principles that seem outdated. We’re fed up with not finding someone intelligent enough to understand that a woman who has sex on the first night is no more guilty than a man who does the same thing – it’s just nature! Whether we wait before doing it, it’s a choice that’s ours alone and should be respected.

>>> Discover the 10 secrets to a successful relationship

What do we gain by waiting?

By refusing to give yourself straight away, you avoid being labelled as an easy girl, promiscuous, even nymphomaniac or any other vulgar term beginning with the letter “S” or “W”. Boys can also be seen as Don Juan, whom we end up distrusting. It’s therefore initially a matter of conscience because in your eyes, sleeping with someone means something, and you don’t do it with just anyone. Your reputation could also suffer because when people like to gossip and when they learn certain things, they’re unfortunately quick to judge!

Since you were a child, you were taught not to get into a stranger’s car or his bed… This isn’t like you because your mistrust prevents you from throwing yourself into the arms of the first person you meet, who could very well be hiding behind his smile some perverse behavior or something worthy of a psychopath. Waiting for a woman also allows you to be sure that you’re not just with a man who’s only looking for sex, if this is not the case for you. By taking your time, you can see that your crush is truly interested in you and not just your beautiful behind like all the other [email protected]#*! That you’ve met in the past. In short, you measure his motivation and that reassures you!

Giving in to temptation immediately can also be a barrier to a long-term relationship. Your date may see you as just a one-night stand and nothing more. He may even go so far as to think that you act like this on all your dates, which could put him off if he wanted to plan a long-term relationship with you.

Seduction is above all a game, and nobody will say the opposite: being desired is something flattering. You feel the desire and the temperature rising, but you wait a little longer for it to be better. Your ego and confidence will thank you!

>>> Find out what you should do if you are unhappy in your relationship

“Never on the first night”: isn’t that a scam?

When you think about it, the first, second or third time are all the same. Only 72 hours separate these three dates, so if you were going to split hairs over the perfect moment, be aware that whatever time you choose will be early in the relationship. But never mind! Imagine the following scenario without laughing:

-“We’d known each other for two weeks, so I was entitled to…”

-“No, normally it’s after two weeks and a day!”

As far as we know, no one has ever determined a minimum amount! Making love is about giving in to your desires, so it’s one of the few times you forget the rules. Some will say that you don’t get to know your (potential future) partner’s personality by offering yourself on the first date. But who needs to know his mother’s date of birth or his goldfish’s name to have fun in bed? Especially since it takes time to get to know someone. It takes months, even years and then some! Your grandparents may not know anything about them yet because you learn something new every day. So little angels, do you still want to wait? Will you have the faith to wait?

In addition to sparing your ability to be patient, sleeping with your date will enable you to release all the tension of the first date. And whether it’s sexual because it turns out you both have great feels for each other, or nervous because we all get stressed before meeting someone, it’s there and can wear you down! No one can stand the pressure forever, so don’t be afraid to let go. Another reason to justify the fact that giving in to temptation quickly is a long-term investment. Testing whether you’re sexually compatible can save you from any unpleasant surprises if you want to take things further with this person! He/she is very – extremely even – beautiful and funny, but a disaster in bed… And it’s too late because you’ve already got attached to this person you see as the ideal partner. You’re now in a bind, stuck with a bad shag. It would have been better to made aware of this earlier.

For some, sex is very important and let’s face it: strangers are exciting and can be the object of our fantasies! Some would say that you can let yourself go more easily with someone you don’t know from Adam. By being spontaneous, you will be natural and that’s when you’ll shine the most. Who knows, this stranger may not stay that way for very long because if you want to get to know him/her as mentioned before, there is a very effective way to do so: “pillow talk”. Yes, thanks to the hormone oxytocin, which gives us a feeling of calm and well-being after sex, we’re more likely to confide in someone than we would over a coffee!

Finally, enough talk, you can have sex on the first night just because you want to. By giving in to your desire will only make the moment better and more intense. You’re now an adult, responsible (protect yourself), consenting and free to manage your sexuality as you see fit. It’s your body, and you can do what you want with it, as long as there is respect and nobody is forcing you to do something you don’t want to.

>>> Read our 7 tips for a fulfilled sex life

When to sleep with a guy you met online

The best time to have sex has nothing to do with the number of dates, or how you met the person. Instead, it all depends on the context, the situation and the chemistry between you. From the very first date, if the person we are with makes us feel comfortable, good about ourselves, and laugh, all whilst respecting our values, then you should decide to have sex whenever you want. If you aren’t ready straightaway, then there is no rush and your partner should reserve all negative judgement, and if he doesn’t, then he simply doesn’t deserve you. If on the other hand you wait a little longer when it comes to love making, there are several advantages too, including increasing desire, getting to know the person better, and gaining confidence. However, once again, there is no precise rule to respect, sometimes it's better to trust your instinct.

Editor’s note: It’s your choice and no one else’s!

Whether you have sex on the first night, who cares! It’s your decision, your feelings in the moment, so do what you want in the moment without asking yourself any questions. Sometimes, you just have to let the magic of the moment work and live without thinking about the future… You’ll see what it holds for you sooner or later anyway! It’s an intimate choice that doesn’t concern anyone else but you.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

10 Secrets To Successful Relationships

Stories of couples who spend their whole lives together seem like distant fairy tales nowadays. With the rise of dating apps and a shift in the idea of what constitutes a traditional relationship; the word long-term almost sounds foreign to many of us. Being in love isn't always simple, but when it works out, it's worth all the hard work. Being the romantic souls that we are, we wanted to share with you the recipe for a long-lasting and harmonious relationship. After all, who doesn't want to experience what their grandparents did? Discover the best tips for a happy and healthy love story.

Are You Scared Of Success?

Amid the fear of failing hides another fear that is less often spoken about, and that's the fear of succeeding. Doing well isn’t necessarily the key to happiness, that’s why there may be times when we fear it. Although it might seem strange, when we start to achieve our personal goals, we open ourselves up to a wave of new emotions that aren't exactly always easy to deal with. When we are caught off guard by our results, we often go into panic mode and struggle with this concept, however that's not to say we should let this hold us back.

Self-Love Checklist

Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and whilst I'm sure we'd all agree that at times we are lucky enough to experience dizzying highs, at other points, we all go through gut-wrenching lows that really do bring us crashing down. Feeling good about ourselves 365 days a year is certainly a big ask, but it's definitely not impossible, and I'm proof of that! Psst, lean in, I want to let you into a secret! Whenever I'm feeling down or when my anxiety spins out of control, I take a look at my self-love checklist for inspiration and decide that it's time to make myself feel better about things.

Teaching Men To Be More Emotionally Honest

As a self-confessed emotional sponge and anxiety sufferer, I've always found men's unwillingness to deal with their emotions surprising. I've always had a turbulent relationship with my emotions, however, over the years, I've learned that introspection and honesty have helped me to deal with them effectively. Men, on the other hand, typically have a tougher time opening up and taking the time to understand what they feel, but although it may seem difficult, acknowledging their fears, anxieties, and dreams will catapult them to the ultimate stage of happiness.

Can We Fall In Love Without Seeing The Person?

If you had asked me this question a few years ago, I would have said hell no, but recently and thanks to recent discoveries, my opinion has done a whole 180°. Nowadays, there are a variety of ways for us to find our soulmate without actually even seeing them; we can fall in love online, we can meet someone on dating sites, or, alternatively, we can sign up to Netflix's hottest dating show; 'Love Is Blind'. Now, if you haven't yet binge-watched this rollercoaster series, and are in need of a little romance in your life, you know exactly what to do.

Fear Of Rain Or Ombrophobia

When it rains, I’m instantly filled with a sentiment of melancholy. When the clouds build up and turn a sullen shade of gray, I panic. For me, there’s nothing worse than getting drenched by a cold thunderstorm. Although the slicked-back wet hair look works wonders for some, it’s definitely not a winner for me. Plus, I recently watched the Netflix series; The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window, and this has increased my fear of rain tenfold! If you’ve seen it, too, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

10 Examples Of Text Messages A Narcissist Sends

Narcissists definitely move with the times, which is why many of them constantly troll dating sites for new victims. Chatting with a manipulator of this magnitude can be a rollercoaster experience, with dizzying heights that might lead you to believe you are in love, to gut-wrenching lows which will make you question your worth. For any raving narcissist, text message exchanges are a great way to reel in victims and follow through with their master plans for ultimate control over them. Are you texting someone you suspect to be a narcissist? The examples below could confirm your suspicions.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

Is A Covert Narcissist Dangerous?

The concept of covert narcissism, or as it’s also known, ‘vulnerable narcissism’ is a fairly recent one. Now, these adjectives may seem pretty harmless, but the reality of these significations couldn’t be any more serious. Indeed, covert and vulnerable provide cloaks of invisibility for textbook narcissists. The truth is covert narcissists present themselves to the world as anxious, socially uncertain, sullen, and withdrawn, yet, in actual fact, they share the same grandiose and unemphatic traits as their exhibitionist counterparts. That’s right, these folks are just as equally skilled in the dark arts of manipulation as overt narcissists, although, they tend to hide their true intentions with more finesse, making them even more dangerous.

Green Flags, Or How To Know If This New Relationship Is Healthy

The beginning of a relationship is often a beautiful time. Discovering the other person, feeling desired, having stars in your eyes and butterflies in your stomach. But all that often masks an inner turmoil: doubts and the multitude of questions we ask ourselves. Have I found the right person? Can I fall in love without fear? What if it’s another toxic relationship? Making a commitment isn’t an easy thing, but now that we’ve learned to spot the red flags, so we don’t get made a fool of again, let’s take a look at the green flags. The good signs that give the green light to a beautiful story!

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

How to soothe an anxiety attack