Can We Sleep With Someone On The First Date?

Last updated by Katie M.

“Never on the first night!” We’ve all heard or uttered this phrase before. But here you are, in front of someone attractive, looks are exchanged, and the temperature rises little by little. This is when the angel and the demon on your shoulders start the debate: Is it better to wait before sleeping with this stranger? Or can you give in to the temptation? You wouldn’t want to be thought of as promiscuous, but at the same time, you only live once. We’ll tell you right now how much patience you can or can’t have!

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It annoys us, sticks to us and prevents us from letting go, but does this prejudice still apply? Refusing to sleep with someone on the first night can be justified or not, depending on the desire of each man and each woman. This choice must be made by the person concerned, and since it’s sometimes difficult to make, we’ll shed some light on the subject.

When it comes to sleeping together on the first date, there are deep-rooted differences between men and women

They are very real, and we often pay the price for them! The differences between men and women aren’t just anatomical. If we rely on preconceived ideas, a woman who has sex on the first night will be perceived as easy, whereas a man will be deemed a “champion” by his peers.

Women are therefore expected to control their desires and their fiery impulses, which throughout history have been taken as voraciousness by men and another thing for women. Moreover, putting off doing the deed puts the feeling of love in the forefront is so a woman would have no reason to experience arousal or have a fulfilled sex life outside a relationship. A man can base his decision on a woman’s actions to determine whether she will be the mother of his children or just a one-night stand. On the other hand, if a man chooses to wait before sleeping with someone, he would be perceived by others as weak and unmanly.

In light of these prejudices, which are in no way indicators, we want to say stop! We’re fed up with being a slave to principles that seem outdated. We’re fed up with not finding someone intelligent enough to understand that a woman who has sex on the first night is no more guilty than a man who does the same thing – it’s just nature! Whether we wait before doing it, it’s a choice that’s ours alone and should be respected.

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What do we gain by waiting?

By refusing to give yourself straight away, you avoid being labelled as an easy girl, promiscuous, even nymphomaniac or any other vulgar term beginning with the letter “S” or “W”. Boys can also be seen as Don Juan, whom we end up distrusting. It’s therefore initially a matter of conscience because in your eyes, sleeping with someone means something, and you don’t do it with just anyone. Your reputation could also suffer because when people like to gossip and when they learn certain things, they’re unfortunately quick to judge!

Since you were a child, you were taught not to get into a stranger’s car or his bed… This isn’t like you because your mistrust prevents you from throwing yourself into the arms of the first person you meet, who could very well be hiding behind his smile some perverse behavior or something worthy of a psychopath. Waiting for a woman also allows you to be sure that you’re not just with a man who’s only looking for sex, if this is not the case for you. By taking your time, you can see that your crush is truly interested in you and not just your beautiful behind like all the other [email protected]#*! That you’ve met in the past. In short, you measure his motivation and that reassures you!

Giving in to temptation immediately can also be a barrier to a long-term relationship. Your date may see you as just a one-night stand and nothing more. He may even go so far as to think that you act like this on all your dates, which could put him off if he wanted to plan a long-term relationship with you.

Seduction is above all a game, and nobody will say the opposite: being desired is something flattering. You feel the desire and the temperature rising, but you wait a little longer for it to be better. Your ego and confidence will thank you!

>>> Find out what you should do if you are unhappy in your relationship

“Never on the first night”: isn’t that a scam?

When you think about it, the first, second or third time are all the same. Only 72 hours separate these three dates, so if you were going to split hairs over the perfect moment, be aware that whatever time you choose will be early in the relationship. But never mind! Imagine the following scenario without laughing:

-“We’d known each other for two weeks, so I was entitled to…”

-“No, normally it’s after two weeks and a day!”

As far as we know, no one has ever determined a minimum amount! Making love is about giving in to your desires, so it’s one of the few times you forget the rules. Some will say that you don’t get to know your (potential future) partner’s personality by offering yourself on the first date. But who needs to know his mother’s date of birth or his goldfish’s name to have fun in bed? Especially since it takes time to get to know someone. It takes months, even years and then some! Your grandparents may not know anything about them yet because you learn something new every day. So little angels, do you still want to wait? Will you have the faith to wait?

In addition to sparing your ability to be patient, sleeping with your date will enable you to release all the tension of the first date. And whether it’s sexual because it turns out you both have great feels for each other, or nervous because we all get stressed before meeting someone, it’s there and can wear you down! No one can stand the pressure forever, so don’t be afraid to let go. Another reason to justify the fact that giving in to temptation quickly is a long-term investment. Testing whether you’re sexually compatible can save you from any unpleasant surprises if you want to take things further with this person! He/she is very – extremely even – beautiful and funny, but a disaster in bed… And it’s too late because you’ve already got attached to this person you see as the ideal partner. You’re now in a bind, stuck with a bad shag. It would have been better to made aware of this earlier.

For some, sex is very important and let’s face it: strangers are exciting and can be the object of our fantasies! Some would say that you can let yourself go more easily with someone you don’t know from Adam. By being spontaneous, you will be natural and that’s when you’ll shine the most. Who knows, this stranger may not stay that way for very long because if you want to get to know him/her as mentioned before, there is a very effective way to do so: “pillow talk”. Yes, thanks to the hormone oxytocin, which gives us a feeling of calm and well-being after sex, we’re more likely to confide in someone than we would over a coffee!

Finally, enough talk, you can have sex on the first night just because you want to. By giving in to your desire will only make the moment better and more intense. You’re now an adult, responsible (protect yourself), consenting and free to manage your sexuality as you see fit. It’s your body, and you can do what you want with it, as long as there is respect and nobody is forcing you to do something you don’t want to.

>>> Read our 7 tips for a fulfilled sex life

When to sleep with a guy you met online

The best time to have sex has nothing to do with the number of dates, or how you met the person. Instead, it all depends on the context, the situation and the chemistry between you. From the very first date, if the person we are with makes us feel comfortable, good about ourselves, and laugh, all whilst respecting our values, then you should decide to have sex whenever you want. If you aren’t ready straightaway, then there is no rush and your partner should reserve all negative judgement, and if he doesn’t, then he simply doesn’t deserve you. If on the other hand you wait a little longer when it comes to love making, there are several advantages too, including increasing desire, getting to know the person better, and gaining confidence. However, once again, there is no precise rule to respect, sometimes it's better to trust your instinct.

Editor’s note: It’s your choice and no one else’s!

Whether you have sex on the first night, who cares! It’s your decision, your feelings in the moment, so do what you want in the moment without asking yourself any questions. Sometimes, you just have to let the magic of the moment work and live without thinking about the future… You’ll see what it holds for you sooner or later anyway! It’s an intimate choice that doesn’t concern anyone else but you.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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Article presented by Katie M.

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