Holding yourself accountable for the mistakes you’ve made, and the people you’ve hurt definitely requires strong inner strength, that unfortunately not all of us are blessed with. The sad thing is that no matter what happens in life, certain people will never attempt to put things right or make amends. If you know someone who is completely incapable of making a mea culpa and who is completely unconcerned by the prospects of making things right, it’s time for you to consider whether they have narcissistic traits.
>>> Discover 6 things we should stop apologizing for
Why don’t narcissists apologize? - 6 Reasons why 😥…
The 6 explanations below will give you some extra insights into their bad behavior!
1) They lack empathy
The truth is, narcissists find it impossible to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and therefore fail to understand how intense and hurtful emotions can actually be. Plus, they are simply clueless when it comes to being sympathetic and comforting, so, if you are friends with one, you probably shouldn’t go to them for support after a breakup, for example. In short, their own feelings are so intense that they can never really afford to feel bad for anyone else. This lack of empathy is one of the hallmarks of narcissistic behavior and explains why they struggle to acknowledge the pain they cause others.
2) They believe that ignorance equals bliss
When they choose to ignore their victim’s pain, they can therefore wash their hands of all responsibility, and simply act like nothing has happened. In their minds, failing to acknowledge their wrongdoings helps legitimize their behavior and subsequent choices. For them, turning a blind eye to what’s going on means that they are virtually off the hook and therefore unconcerned with anything. Ignorance allows them to maintain their sense of superiority and avoid facing uncomfortable truths.
3) They believe that time makes you forget
Because they believe themselves to be superior beings in every sense of the word, narcissists actually think that people are so weak in the face of their manipulation, that they will forget their wickedness. They underestimate their victims so much that they truly believe they can get away scot-free with anything. After all, they aren’t exactly used to facing the consequences of their actions. This belief allows them to avoid accountability, as they assume time will erase their transgressions.
>>> Read What it means to have a superiority complex
4) They project the fault onto others
You have no doubt already figured it out, but these folks always remain completely in denial with regard to accountability and instead opt to blame their victims when trouble arises. That’s right, gaslighting is definitely one of their not-so-secret weapons. These slippery snakes completely wash their hands of their actions and pretend to be oblivious to the hurt and pain they cause people around them. Shifting the blame allows them to maintain their facade of perfection and avoid any introspection.
5) They don’t believe people deserve their time
Why on earth would they waste their time trying to apologize to people who they consider as being below them? This may seem like the ultimate blow, however, it really is true. These abusers have zero empathy for those they hurt and consider themselves as being above everyone. So, the question is, why would they care to give anyone their precious time in the first place? To them, apologizing is not worth their effort because they see others as inferior and unworthy of their attention.
6) They have every intention of repeating their behavior
Now, this is probably the most hard-hitting reason of all, and confirms the cycle of toxicity. Despite their promises to change, people with this personality disorder can never fully put a stop to their inherent desires to hurt and control others. The vicious circle will always continue here because these people are incapable of breaking it and doing anything different. Plus, they often struggle to see what they do as being wrong. This inability to change reinforces their refusal to apologize, as they see no reason to alter their behavior.
💡 Additional Insight: Narcissists often see apologies as a sign of weakness. In their minds, admitting fault is akin to giving up power, and power is something they desperately cling to. This is why they will go to great lengths to avoid apologizing, even if it means distorting reality to suit their narrative.
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How do you make a narcissist feel sorry for their actions? - Be firm and patient
Narcissists tend to be impulsive with their reactions and certainly don’t like being pressured into doing things. Plus, they certainly don’t like the idea of being threatened either, so if you want an apology from one, you must bide your time. Here, there’s no use in trying to back them into a corner because they’ll simply lash out at the idea of them losing control over the situation. In any case, letting them know exactly what you feel and expect is important, however, your efforts definitely need to be measured.
When narcissists know they are in the wrong and that you won’t back down, they’ll try to overwhelm you and get you to move on, in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility. Narcissists are adept at turning certain situations around to make it seem like the other person is to blame. They pretend to be victims, twist their words, and do everything they can to make you think they did nothing wrong. Next, if you notice a narcissist trying to change the subject to disagree, refocus the conversation on the main point. They probably won’t admit their mistake, but they’ll know they can’t manipulate you so easily anymore.
5 Warning signs someone will never apologize 👀
- Deflecting Blame: They always have an excuse for their actions or claim the fault lies with others.
- Overconfidence: They act as though they can do no wrong, reinforcing their belief they owe no apology.
- Chronic Denial: They refuse to acknowledge when they've caused hurt or upset.
- Lack of Empathy: They are unable to understand or care about your perspective.
- Gaslighting Tendencies: They make you feel guilty for even bringing up how they’ve hurt you.
Pro Tip: If you recognize these patterns, it’s best to focus on protecting your well-being rather than chasing an apology that may never come.
💡 Did You Know?
Research shows that narcissistic traits may stem from childhood experiences, such as overvaluation by caregivers or emotional neglect. These formative years shape their inflated egos and avoidance of vulnerability, which often manifests as an inability to say “I’m sorry.”
Do narcissists admit they are wrong?
Narcissists rarely admit they are wrong due to their deep-seated need to protect their fragile self-esteem and maintain an image of perfection. Admitting fault or acknowledging mistakes threatens their carefully constructed sense of superiority and invulnerability. When faced with undeniable evidence of their wrongdoing, they might employ various defense mechanisms such as deflection, blaming others, minimizing the significance of the error, or even rewriting the narrative to make themselves appear as the victim or the misunderstood hero. On the rare occasions when they do admit to being wrong, it is often a calculated move to serve a greater manipulative purpose, such as regaining trust, avoiding consequences, or reinforcing their control over a situation or person.
💡 Additional Insight: It’s important to recognize that even if a narcissist admits they are wrong, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve changed. Often, this admission is a strategic move to regain control over the situation or person. Be cautious of these manipulative tactics.
>>> Read How do you know a narcissist is cheating?
Editor’s opinion - Not apologizing gives them powerThe bottom line is that narcissists are constantly on the lookout for ways to keep the upper hand, and overtly refusing to say sorry even when they know they’ve done something wrong is a perfect example of the lengths they’ll go to. It’s also a way for them to prevent you from moving on, and more importantly to stunt the healing process.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe Connect with an advisor |
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I have been married 37 years and I made many mistakes and apologized hundreds of times. I can count on one hand where my wife apologized and always "what about". I take responsibility for a failed marriage but she will never do the same.
Frank, 2 years ago