How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating? 10 Signs They're Unfaithful

Last updated by Katie M.

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating? 10 Signs They're Unfaithful

Narcissists are infamous cheaters because unfaithful sex gives them the power trip they are looking for, and convinces them that they can get away with it. That's right, they believe they can do ANYTHING when their victim is hooked on them, and too weak to stand up to them. Their reputations in love certainly aren’t rosy, and that’s because they suffer from what’s known as ‘narcissistic supply’, which means they need attention from everyone, despite their relationship status. In fact, one relationship will never be enough for them because it soon gets old and becomes boring. The truth is, these guys are true hunters, and like any good predator, they are always on the lookout for new lovers, plus they are great at hiding their true intentions. After all, they’d rather crush their partner's mental health than lose everything.

10 Indications your narcissistic partner is cheating on you

1) They love bomb you even more than usual

Love bombing is a narcissist’s go-to tactic for getting their victims to fool for their act, however, these slippery snakes will crank up the attention factor to throw you off the scent. Now, they don’t exactly feel guilty about their actions per se, but they certainly never want to be caught out and exposed for their extramarital affairs and wrongdoings. In order to pull the wool over their partner’s eyes with regard to their cheating, they shower them with ‘guilt gifts’ and compliments. In any case, the shift in the behavior will be evident to see, and they may even overdo it with niceness.

2) They cancel plans at the last minute

This is another red flag that indicates an affair, especially in the case of a naturally controlling and domineering person. Narcissists are well-known for enjoying the upper hand in their relationships, and love ensuring that their victims follow their meticulous plans to the letter. So, when taking their need for control into consideration, doesn’t it seem a little fishy that they’d suddenly change their mind at the eleventh hour? Something certainly seems off there, if that’s the case…

3) They stop talking to you

These grade 'A' manipulators plan everything they do and always stick to their routine when they have nothing to hide. Therefore, if their routine includes regularly chatting with you, and yet they abruptly ghost you, then something is going on. In other words, there is SOMEONE else on the scene, and that someone else is giving them all the attention they crave.

>>> Read; Why do I feel bad when people don't message back?

4) They get angry and gaslight when you confront them

You’re probably already aware by now that these folks have little to no impulse control, so when you confront them with your suspicions, then they are 100% likely to get very, very angry. Their sense of entitlement with regard to living a secret life means that they’ll go as far as gaslighting their partner in order to keep their secret under wraps. In short, they want their cake and to eat it too, in the greatest privacy, that is.

5) They’re on social media a lot

Social media remains one of the most gratifying outlets for people with narcissistic tendencies because it allows them to show off how amazing their life is. Plus, it gives them a platform to lure in potential victims, so it’s normal for them to spend a fair amount of their time online. However, if you notice that their phone is all of a sudden glued to their hands, and they start liking other girls’ photos, then alarm bells should be ringing.

6) The intimacy has dropped

Intimacy goes much deeper than just sex and touches on sweet kisses, hugs, and handholding too. The truth is, whenever men go completely off of these expressions of affection, suspicions should arise, and this is your cue to get to the bottom of it. As humans, and even more so for those in long-term relationships, we need these special instances to keep the flame burning away, so when they disappear, you can be sure your partner is hiding something from you.

7) You catch them lying

Whether it’s about who they were with on Friday night or what time their work shift starts, a narcissistic cheater will lie about anything and everything to avoid arousing suspicions. However, in their quest to cover their tracks they’ll eventually trip themselves up…

>>> Read up on why we lie.

8) They accuse you of cheating

Because nothing is out of bounds for these devious folks, they’ll even go as far as trying to turn the tables on their partner by accusing them of infidelity. It’s almost as if they feel entitled to do whatever they please, including rewriting their own narrative. Oh, wait, that’s right, they do!

9) They don’t want to show you their credit card bills

If your devious partner becomes even more secretive and deceitful with regard to their spending habits, then he is likely trying to hide fancy restaurant outings, plus the references to sexy gifts that you never received. The audacity of it all!

10) Their daily routine changes

If out of the blue, your man starts going to the gym, preening himself, lavishing himself in aftershave, and eating healthily, then these are certainly subtle signs that he is in the early stages of a relationship with another woman…

Why do narcissists cheat? - 5 Reasons why they are unfaithful

Here's why they play away...

1) They get bored

Narcissists are very prone to boredom - their "threshold", like their tolerance, to boredom, is very low. For them, the thrill of seduction chases away boredom and injects a streak of craziness into their lives.

2) They are impulsive

Being impulsive, they act on a whim, driven by emotions, needs, and desires - seen as essential and taking precedence over everything and everyone else. They don't care about morals and conventions... They think that this is for others, for the "low people"; not for them, who are "superior beings"!

3) They feel superior

These folks feel important, superior to others, and therefore, entitled to follow their wishes and whims in everything.  They enjoy transgression and feel as if they are above laws and social conventions. They feel no obligation to follow socially acceptable rules (accepted by others), and angrily reject any limitation of their power that others would try to impose on them.

4) They are control freaks

They always need to keep control over everything and everyone. Yet, a love relationship is based on giving and receiving, as well as on trust, vulnerability, compromise, honest communication, opening up to the other person to reveal who you are deep down... in short, on losing control. Nothing could be more frightening (and horrifying) to them, than meeting the needs of a real relationship.

5) Fear of intimacy

Narcissistic personalities are terrified of intimacy; they often adopt the "rubber band law" of relationships; when it's close, the rubber band is loose, everything is soft, and they get bored. But if the other person moves away (if the rubber band stretches), they feel the tension and desire to get closer again... and the cycle continues! Adultery is then an excellent way to escape intimacy - not to mention that it is also a less threatening mode of relationship.

How to get a narcissist to admit they cheated?

So, if you want your narcissistic man to admit to cheating on you, what are the most effective methods?

Provide proof of the affair

The first step in convincing your spouse to admit infidelity is to provide evidence of the affair. Your spouse will have no choice but to accept that you're cheating if you provide convincing evidence. So how do you get proof of an affair? In general, the following approaches can be considered.

Smartphones and their applications

Examine emails, social messaging and other forms of communication. Many unfaithful men communicate virtually with their lovers. Since there are a variety of chat apps available today, it's likely that they're trying to communicate through multiple channels. If you discover that he's talking to a specific person in a way that signals infidelity, you should take photos of the smartphone or use other means to gather evidence. We also advise you to examine his photos and videos.

Receipts and account disclosures

If your man is staying in hotels with his cheating partner, you may be able to obtain credit card statements and receipts. Suspicious financial transactions can also be evidence of an affair.

Will a narcissist confess to cheating?

Narcissistic people may be inclined to conceal their unfaithful behavior rather than openly admit it to their partner. The truth is, they have a hard time when it comes to being honest, so they often lie. Here are some possible reasons for this:

  • Preserving their image: These folks attach great importance to their image and reputation. They want to be seen as perfect and flawless. Admitting infidelity could undermine this idealized image and reveal a less glorious side of their personality. Consequently, they may prefer to conceal their infidelity to avoid negative consequences for their self-esteem and social image.

  • Maintaining control: They often need to control their partner and their relationship. By keeping their infidelity a secret, they can manipulate the situation to their advantage and maintain power in the relationship. Admitting infidelity could give their partner a legitimate reason to question the relationship or take steps to protect themselves, threatening their control.

  • Avoidance of consequences: Narcissists may be reluctant to accept the consequences of their actions. Admitting infidelity could lead to conflict, blame and loss of trust on the part of their partner. Rather than face these consequences and take responsibility, they prefer to keep their infidelity a secret.

What to do if you suspect a narcissist is cheating?

Unfaithfulness is one of the main reasons for divorce in so-called healthy relationships, however, if you discover that your manipulative partner has been hooking up with other people, this needs to be the final nail in the coffin. Infidelity mixed with gaslighting, lies, manipulation, and emotional abuse are too much for anyone to handle, which is why cheating needs to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Although walking away may cause you pain, it will symbolically free you and release you from the grasp of your abuser.

How to get a narcissist to admit they cheated - Confront them

The truth is, these folks are accomplished liars and like to think they can pull the wool over anyone’s eyes. Getting a confession from them is like extracting blood from a stone, which is why you need to go on the offensive and call them out whilst catching them off guard. Accusatory statements like; ‘I know what you’ve been up to’ will do the trick, as well as obtaining proof too. If you are sure that your partner is being unfaithful, why not follow them, or look through their phone for evidence? You may be in for a nasty surprise, however, you’ll feel better for it in the long run.

How does a narcissist act when caught cheating?

When a narcissist gets caught cheating on their partner, they’ll spring into denial mode. Instead of owning up to what they’ve done and admitting their wrongdoing, these folks prefer to deny ever putting a foot wrong. At points, they will even gaslight their partners / victims into believing that they have imagined the whole cheating scenarios. In short, they will do their utmost to make people believe that they are innocent and that they would never put a foot wrong. Narcissists are in fact huge cheaters, but they will never accept the responsibility of betraying anyone’s trust, which is why they will want to continue in their twisted ways.

Editor’s opinion - Cheats rarely change

Cheaters don’t exactly have a reputation for being the most trustworthy people around, but they do have one useful point, and that’s showing us that we are better off without them. Waiting around and believing that one will change is pointless when you could be living your best life alone in a healthy mindset! You have what it takes to walk away, so believe in yourself and seize the opportunity.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!


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