How To Heal From The Pain Of Being Rejected

Last updated by Katie M.

Whether it’s the breakdown of a relationship, a family dispute, or even being fired dismissal... We have all experienced the feeling of being rejected, excluded, or left out. Whilst some people manage to bounce back quite quickly, others suffer from it in a persistent way. As for me, I understood how to move on, because I was able to recognize my rejection wound. So, how can we overcome the fear of rejection and move on from it?

How To Heal From The Pain Of Being Rejected
Contents: 

What is a rejection wound?

I have always been afraid of not being good enough and terrified of other people’s judgments. The rejection wound is described, by Lise Bourbeau in her book "The Five Wounds That Keep You from Being Yourself", as a feeling, founded or imagined, of having been rejected and unwanted by someone.

💔 It is therefore our feelings that suffer an emotional shock, although the degree of it can be more or less severe according to different parameters which include; personality, age, context ...

Nevertheless, what characterizes the rejection wound is the suffering in the long term. It is as if we are living in situations of rejection repeatedly on a daily basis. Of course, when we have an argument with someone we love, and we are anxious, we don't say to ourselves "oh, that's my rejection wound that is activated!" Most of the time, it remains repressed and unconscious whilst resurging from our past.

The causes of this feeling

I know that I was a surprise baby, I was not planned by my parents. If I talk about it, it's because it can be one of the causes of the rejection wound. Just like being born a girl when the parents wanted a boy or vice versa... There are a bunch of other reasons, which take place in childhood 👶. Indeed, in childhood we acquire self-confidence, and we will have a determining social environment. However, if the child feels a rejection, conscious or not, of the parents, then an emotional void will be created.

> The wound of rejection often has a link with the phase where children become aware that their mother cannot constantly be with them; this is also known as separation anxiety 👩👦.

Factors that reinforce the pain

Not all childhood wounds are experienced in the same way. Some of us manage to master, them when others repress them. If healing doesn’t take place, other factors need to be taken into account, and these include:

  • Hypersensitivity: if one is hypersensitive or has psychological disorders.
  • Violence: if you have been abused or neglected, especially during childhood.
  • Recurrence: if you have experienced several situations of rejection, such as a sudden break-up in love, or even in friendship.
  • The degree of affection: if it is an attachment figure such as a mother or father, or a very close person, the feeling of rejection will be experienced more violently.
  • Investment: if we are fully invested in the relationship, if it occupies all our mental space.

How can we tell if we are suffering from a rejection wound?

Two types of behavior can help us understand if we are suffering from a rejection wound.

  • Fleeing situations: since we are afraid of abandonment and rejection by others, we tend to flee from social relationships, regardless of their nature (love, family, friends, professional, etc.). This is a defense mechanism many of us use to avoid suffering and for fear of failure in regard to new relationships.
  • Lack of self-confidence: we constantly question who we are. We feel that we are not interesting enough, pretty enough, funny enough, etc. In addition to that, we feel more easily attacked by others, by their words or their behavior. One will tend to think that one is never appreciated sincerely because of this lack of esteem.

➜ What are the consequences? We'll engage in self-sabotaging acts in our relationships because of the anticipation of rejection. We will put others first, to the point where we forget about ourselves in certain situations.

How can we get over the feeling of being rejected?

Unfortunately, one cannot really heal from a rejection wound 😞. It would be nice if we could have a "delete" button somewhere inside us, to remove what is hurting us (personally, it would be very helpful to me!). Nonetheless, rest assured, because we can learn to stop overreacting to that emotional hurt, that's what I've learned to do.

Listening to yourself

In order to do this, it is necessary to do some introspection. Indeed, self-analysis allows one to find the origins and the meaning of the wound, while accepting the feelings that are linked to it. You have to be able to turn to your inner world by listening, observing, and analyzing your emotions in relation to a situation.

➜ For example 🧐: A friend cancels lunches with us several times. We must manage to understand what this evokes in us before talking to her about it. We will tend to think: "she’s only canceling because she is tired of me". While communication is the key, the real reason may be that our friend is having financial problems, for example.

Except that coming to terms with your emotions is easier said than done, especially if you've never taken the time to listen to yourself 😳.

Surround yourself and talk about it

Indeed, doing this type of exercise alone is complex. For the longest time, I was unaware of my inner wounds, I didn’t have the open-mindedness to go and look for the answers deep inside myself. That's why you have to seek professional help.

Psychological support is the best way to learn to accept your emotional scars. Listening and avoiding making judgments allow us to express ourselves freely about our past and our feelings. This allows us to begin a phase of reconstruction to calm our emotions. The most appropriate type of follow-up for such suffering is psychoanalysis. It allows us to look into our past, what handicaps us.

➜ From there on, we will be able to understand that we are not responsible for this rejection wound. It is a way to forgive others and forgive ourselves to move forward and live a healthier life 🤗.

What rejection does to a man

In general, whether it's men or women, everyone wants to experience love and is afraid of rejection. And it is not surprising that women are even more afraid of it than men. Because men are more used to "jumping in" to seduce, to dare to make the first move, they are therefore more likely to be rejected than women. And, even if it doesn't always feel good, let's say they are more used to it. So you see very different behaviors in relationships. Women are often so afraid of rejection that they act in such a way as not to suffer it, provoke it, face it, or live it. Men, on the other hand, avoid rejection not out of fear, in general, but out of comfort and habit. Men often try to bury the pain caused by rejection, simply because they worry that it will hurt their egos and therefore make them look weak.

Editor's note - Don't let it get to you.

Rejection can create a huge emotional rift, depending on our personality type and experience. If we feel the slightest pain or questioning, we should not hesitate to consult a therapist to get help. Reaching out is the best way to avoid being invaded by these demonic feelings.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out the following articles too:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Psychological Abuse: Identify It To Get Out Of It

A little belittling remark here, minimizing our emotions there... So many little things that show us that we’re being psychologically abused. It may seem trivial, but that’s the problem. We downplay it too much, which makes it the most common type of abuse. So, how do you identify psychological abuse? What should you do if you’re a victim? Let’s explain.

Behavioral Disorders: The List & Their Definitions

I suffer from an eating disorder, and several people around me have a mood disorder. I’m not completely unfamiliar with behavioral disorders, or at least not these. However, there are several types of disorders and they can even affect sexual behavior. So how do you define them? Here’s a list and some definitions related to behavioral disorders.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

I Constantly Need Recognition

Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like I do things according to others. My choices and my behavior have long been dictated by the approval of others. As I’ve got older, I’ve learned to assert myself and detach myself from what others might think of my actions. Why do we constantly seek this validation, and how can we get rid of this need for recognition when it becomes toxic? Having been there myself, I’ll explain it all to you!

How To Camouflage Your Cellulite At The Beach

You were well on your way. You were holding on, motivated by the idea of finally having a bikini body this year. But then the lockdowns and the laziness all hit you at once... That’s right, your cellulite is still there and not ready to leave just yet. But guess what?! Cellulite is like a little pimple, either we own it, or we resort to using tricks to camouflage it.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do We Always Need To Have The Last Word?

Today, I’m focussing on a habit that drives me crazy: wanting to have the last word. It’s probably because I’m not very good at comebacks or self-confident enough that I’m both fascinated and annoyed by people who always want to be right. But why do they always want to have the last word? What’s behind it?

I Still Suck My Thumb As An Adult

In general, thumb sucking ends around the age of 6. I say “in general” and not “normally”, because as an adult I don’t feel weird or particularly bothered by it. When I get stressed, I allow myself to let go and return to my childhood self by sucking my thumb. Those who know about it or catch me by surprise make me realize I should be ashamed… But is this habit a big deal? What if it makes me feel better? It’s certainly no worse than lighting up a cigarette or biting your nails…

Why Do Hugs And Physical Contact Make Me Feel Uncomfortable?

There are people who don’t like to be touched at all, and who are almost disgusted by physical contact. There are people who like to caress and be caressed for anything and everything, and there are people like me who always recoil when someone tries to touch them. Why do I shy away from physical contact? What if it’s all linked to the past?

10 Examples Of Text Messages A Narcissist Sends

Narcissists definitely move with the times, which is why many of them constantly troll dating sites for new victims. Chatting with a manipulator of this magnitude can be a rollercoaster experience, with dizzying heights that might lead you to believe you are in love, to gut-wrenching lows which will make you question your worth. For any raving narcissist, text message exchanges are a great way to reel in victims and follow through with their master plans for ultimate control over them. Are you texting someone you suspect to be a narcissist? The examples below could confirm your suspicions.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack