Do Narcissists Fear Intimacy? — Yes, They Hate Feeling Vulnerable

Last updated by Katie M.

This will probably come as no surprise to most of us, but in case any of you have a few remaining doubts, know that a relationship with a narcissist is nigh on impossible for a number of reasons. Now, we know that people with this personality disorder lack empathy, and aren’t exactly faithful in relationships, but what if all of their romantic shortfalls were down to them being afraid of intimacy and looking weak? Let’s explore this theory together and jump into the psyche of these dangerously toxic personas.

Do Narcissists Fear Intimacy? — Yes, They Hate Feeling Vulnerable

Letting down our guard is certainly a terrifying prospect for many of us, but for folks with narcissistic personality disorders, it is virtually unthinkable. Their need to appear strong and invincible is completely and utterly at odds with the idea of being vulnerable and allowing people to see them for what they really are. Although narcissists seem scary, they do in fact suffer with their mental health, and have likely spent years building up barriers around them to protect themselves and hide what they regard as their weaknesses. Investing so much energy into keeping at arm’s length sadly means that not even true love can penetrate their walls.

7 Reasons why narcissists are terrified of intimacy

Discover further insights into why getting up close and personal with these personalities is such a chore.

1) They are emotionally empty

These personalities are excellent examples of how damaging suppressing your emotions can be in the long run. Narcissists feel emotions just like everyone else, however, they tend to bury them deep within themselves, in an attempt to ignore them. Emotional intimacy definitely isn’t their thing, and they actually believe that talking about their feelings makes them look weak. Unsurprisingly enough, their attempt to run from what they feel means that their emotions eat away at them, and feed into their toxic behavior.

2) They likely lacked loved as children

If you know anything about these characters, you’ll no doubt be able to attest that narcissists are raised, and not born as such. Indeed, their destructive personalities are molded during their formative years, and often mirror their parent’s behavior and attitudes, meaning they are products of their tough environment. It’s fair to say that the majority of narcissists never experienced real love as children, and are subsequently repeating the unhealthy cycle.

3) They fear commitment

Commitment is a huge ask for these folks, simply because they are too fickle. Furthermore, their inflated egos mean they believe that they deserve the best in every realm of life, and won’t be stopped whilst pursuing it! Narcissists are wholly unfaithful partly because they are afraid of being hurt, so instead choose to set themselves up for failure when it comes to romance. After all, if their actions ended a promising relationship, at least they won’t be pitied.

4) Affection puts them on edge

Being told we are loved, and made to feel like we are cared for makes many of us feel good about ourselves, however, unfortunately the same can not be said for these folks. In fact, hugs, kisses, and gentle gestures make them feel suspicious of people’s motives, and cause them to retreat even further into their shells.

5) They are insecure in themselves

There’s no denying it, narcissists are insecure and that’s that! Despite their apparent confidence, deep down they are very unsure of themselves and what they have to offer. Their scarily low self-esteem is crippling, yet makes them very dangerous and unpredictable. It also encourages them to exteriorize their frustration on their innocent victims, and makes sincere relationships impossible.

6) They fear being abandoned

Being intimate with someone involves sharing your body and soul with them, and therefore allowing yourself to be figuratively naked. Now, nothing worries these toxic personalities more than being dumped and made to look like a fool, which is why they are so picky in love, and don’t jump into relationships head first.

7) They are controlling

The truth is, these folks are demanding and like to be in constant control in every realm of life. When it comes to love, if they find someone they are interested in, they won’t be able to avoid falling into the trap of attempting to change them. And, they will inevitably manipulate the circumstances in order to remain in the driving seat. Plus, their stubborn attitude means they’ll never give their partner access to their deepest darkest secrets, and will always push them away whenever they feel uncomfortable.

Are narcissist afraid of love?

The truth is, narcissists are terrified of love and do everything in their power to avoid it. Falling in love means being vulnerable and letting a potential partner into every aspect of your life, which are things that these abusers are simply incapable of doing. Indeed, narcissists unconsciously become even more despicable and mean when they begin to develop feelings for someone. Whenever they feel out of their depth, they become even more diabolical as a way of protecting themselves and keeping people at arm’s length. Falling in love and embracing the unknown is an intimidating prospect for people that love being in control of their own lives and those of others too.

Editor’s opinion — Intimacy digs up old demons

Narcissists are ill-equipped when it comes to relationships at the best of times, so, when they are required to lay themselves bare, they are completely incapable of doing so. Their own self-loathing means that they are uncomfortable in their own skin (despite what they want you to believe), and therefore don’t want anyone to get too close to them. They want to keep their own shortfalls and weaknesses to themselves, for fear of being judged, and in certain cases exposed for whom they really are.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Emotional Blocks

I feel like I run into walls a lot in my life and even get them stuck in my head! However, even if I manage to pick myself back up, some of them seem insurmountable. Feeling paralyzed by a situation or an experience is called an emotional block. Many of us encounter them in our lives because of a negative experience. They prevent us from living life to the full, from having balance, and from being truly happy. So how do we get rid of them? The good news is that we can jump over these walls. Here’s how.

I’m Always Angry, Why? What’s Behind It?

The pressure builds up quickly, and then suddenly you’re telling them where to get off. Anger washes over us like a wave, an uncontrollable tidal wave. Even though it sounds impressive, it’s normal to feel angry. Everyone experiences it. But where it becomes problematic is when it’s constant and violent. Why might we feel angry all the time? What’s behind it? When everything’s getting on top of us, we need to go back to the roots of our anger to get rid of it and live more serenely.

Somniloquy: Why Do Some People Talk In Their Sleep?

“You know you told me your life story last night?” Of course, telling your partner what you’ve been up to is pretty cool. Except if you do it in your sleep… Some people can talk in their sleep! So if you live on your own, no problem, but if you sleep with someone, it immediately becomes more annoying. Why do we talk in our sleep? Is it something that can disturb our sleep? What can we do to stop it?

Why Do I Feel Like Stay Home All The Time?

I like being and staying at home. It’s almost unthinkable to say that, having lived through a year of the pandemic and lockdowns, yet I’m one of those who doesn’t get bored at home. And I confess, I’m sometimes reluctant to leave the house. Blasphemy! Being a home bird is often perceived badly, but I’m ok with it, and I’m not as anti-social as it seems…

What's The Point In Getting Married Nowadays?

Now there’s a good question! Personally, I’d never dreamed of getting married, but all of that changed rather recently. The princess dress, the veil, the first dance, all that seemed a bit overwhelming for me. And yet, do you know what? I’ve been married for just over 3 years now. So, why did I make a U-turn on my opinion towards this commitment? The answer is; purely because of love.

Is It Time For You To Change Jobs? Will This Make Your Life Better?

I’m 30 years old and I can’t imagine myself doing the same job my whole life. Sometimes I dream of simple things like working with flowers. I keep this idea in the back of my head; becoming a florist would one day be a great adventure! Because yes, changing jobs isn’t impossible! Sometimes we get bored of our everyday routine, we don’t identify with what we do anymore, we no longer like our job, etc. So many reasons can lead to a career change!

6 Differences Between Being Self-Centered And Being A Narcissist

When it comes to mental health disorders, the parameters of each condition often seem blurry, and this explains why many of us have trouble identifying them. Plus, certain disorders frequently encompass similar symptoms and traits, making recognizing and therefore understanding them even more complicated. Let’s take being selfish and having a narcissistic personality disorder, for example. Because they overlap on such a huge scale, upon first glance, they do in fact seem indistinguishable to many of us. That being said, when you dig a little deeper, the differences do become more and more apparent.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

10 Signs The Narcissist Discarding Phase Has Been Activated

The most important thing to understand when dealing with a narcissist is that their reign of terror won't last forever. Now, whilst their torment underway, it will no doubt be one of the most harrowing things you can mentally go through. However, when the abuser decides they've had enough of you, they'll halt their horrific abuse in a heartbeat and look for someone else. People with narcissistic personality disorders are constantly on the lookout for new prey and when they find someone who fills their criteria, they'll move into the discarding phase of their plan. After all, they aren't very eco-friendly, their motto is out with the old, in with the new!

8 Dangerous Mind Games That All Narcissists Play

People with narcissistic personality disorders love playing games because it reinforces their sense of control and validates their need to pull the strings. Now, the idea of playing games may seem fairly harmless and innocent, but the truth could be further away from the reality when these manipulative personalities are involved. Indeed, narcissists are always one step ahead of the rest of us, which makes it difficult to recognize when they are toying with people. So, to open your eyes to what they are truly capable of, discover the lengths they’ll go to, to remain on top.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

How to soothe an anxiety attack