Breaking up with a narcissistic pervert does not necessarily signal the end of a toxic relationship. Indeed, these manipulators are hard to leave and even more complicated to forget, that being said, we are here to help you through this challenging process.
Tips on how to move on from a narcissistic pervert? 4 steps to rebuilding your life
Breakups are tough, especially when you have been in a negative and harmful relationship for a long period of time. Although this is evidently the best solution for you, finding your freedom can be challenging and feelings of guilt and shame could arise. Not to mention doubts about whether you’ve made the right decision.
1. Becoming aware that you have been a victim
Accepting your status as a victim often coincides with the end of your guilt and the moment when you can finally forgive yourself.
2. Learn to listen and respect yourself once again
Listen to your desires, and fulfill them! You are finally in control and the times of being dictated to by your partner are well and truly over.
3. Admit that you are in pain
Your scars are probably still painful, but don't hide them. Be honest with yourself, accept your wounds, your flaws, and talk to a psychologist, who can help you get better. Talking to a professional could help you understand what pushed you into this type of relationship.
4. Start to consider the idea of dating again
This is one of the most difficult steps, because gestures and words of seduction can send you back into your negative spiral. You will surely have forged an armor throughout your toxic relationship, but little by little, you will have to turn the page. The solution here is to not be afraid to love anymore, and to open yourself to the beautiful things that love has to offer.
Why is it so hard to leave a manipulator?
First, regardless of gender, age, education, or status, a manipulator has a hold. And he enjoys this feeling of power. He maintains it. In fact, he needs it because it feeds him. That's why he refuses to end his game. He doesn't want to change. This behavior benefits him. This is why, very quickly in the relationship, he will find ways to limit the influence of others, criticize your behaviors and sow doubt in your mind. It will only take a few weeks, and you will slowly but surely lose confidence in yourself! The longer the relationship goes on, the more your confidence will decrease. Leaving the relationship is the only way out.
Moreover, by being in contact with the manipulator, he will contaminate you. His hold will bring out your dark side. Little by little, to please him, to get into his good graces, to avoid an argument, or simply by mimicry, you will adopt the behavior he expects. Slowly, you will become critical. You will make judgments, respond aggressively, and drive away people who contradict you. It is your faults that will resurface: those aspects of you that exist, but you would so much like not to see. Your meanness, your contempt, and your emotional blackmail will disgust you. And they will reinforce the impression that the manipulator is right: you are the problem. Doubt will turn into certainty: you are not much without the other person. It's a good thing he's there... Leaving becomes very difficult.
What scares a narcissist?
Because they have a high opinion of themselves, narcissists cannot stand rejection. They need to think that everyone is interested in them and that their whole life revolves around them. For them, rejection is a painful thing that makes them insecure and they can't stand the feeling. This can mean that a narcissistic person has trouble trusting others because they are too afraid to risk getting hurt. When things go wrong, they tend to walk away and claim that the breakup was their choice all along. Likewise, narcissists need to feel perfect. When something starts to change such as their appearance, job, or overall success, they don't know how to deal with it. They can become even more abusive and self-centered. They start to attack you and take everything personally, which brings a lot of negative vibes. Usually, they end up being depressed, irritable, and mean.
Editor’s opinion: Cut your abuser off permanently!
We have already mentioned here several times the case of narcissistic perverts: How to recognize a narcissistic personality, how to stand up to a narcissistic pervert, ... but leaving one is not easy. Indeed, throughout a relationship, he will have destroyed all your hopes, and your confidence too. It is difficult in this case to see clearly, and to imagine a life beyond this love, which seems to be the only one possible. To detach yourself from a narcissistic pervert, you need to be firm and clear that you are moving on. Although, despite the breakup, he may still have a hold on you, and use it to his advantage.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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I am so thankful to have stumbled upon this enlightening website hope twinkles on the horizon! 30 years of toxicity with this perv and the passive/aggressive constant behavior....I've seen the light!
My daughter has been in a toxic relationship with a narcissic pervert for 2 years. Her personality has changed, the way she dresses has changed. She has cut her friends off, her family as well and I haven’t heard from her for a few weeks now. I feel that the more I try to get her to see the toxic relationship she is in, the closer she gets to him. What can I do? I am so lost!