How Narcissists Treat Their Exes - 6 Shocking Things They Do

Last updated by Katie M.

Walking away and definitively closing the door on your relationship with a narcissistic ex-partner is one of the most emotionally draining challenges you can face. After all, these manipulative bullies are never willing to just let bygones be bygones, and always want to have the final word after the break-down of a relationship. Besides, when narcissists get dumped, their inner demon raises its ugly head and becomes determined to (metaphorically) destroy their ex-partner.

How Narcissists Treat Their Exes - 6 Shocking Things They Do

Now, a narcissist will certainly never win boyfriend or husband of the year, but when their feelings are hurt and their partner has ended things, they crank up the intensity level of their evilness. Their immaturity and need for revenge mean they are incapable of respecting the decision to end things, and will begin to treat their past lovers in an even more demonic way.

Narcissists treat their exes horribly - Here are 6 examples of what they do to their exes post breakup

1) They dip in and out of their lives

Narcissists are anything but predictable, and they love to keep their exes on their toes by regularly ghosting them and popping back up in their lives. At certain points, they’ll bombard their ex-partners with messages telling them how much they miss them, whereas, at others, they’ll give them the silent treatment for weeks on end. The instability they inflict on their partner means they remain in control and are constantly in the driver’s seat by picking and choosing when to communicate.

>>> Discover the reasons ghosters always come back

2) They’ll try to become friends with them

They’ll no doubt claim that they don’t want any drama, and will insist they want to be amicable about things moving forward. By reinforcing the idea that they want to stay friends, they are actively leaving the door open to getting back together whenever please. The truth is, their sense of superiority means they believe that they can restart relationships whenever, regardless of what has happened.

3) They’ll flirt with them

Flirting involves toying with people’s emotions and exciting their curiosity, and it’s a field that self-obsessed narcissists excel in. They love feeling sexy and wanted because it boosts their ego and sense of self-importance. Plus, by flirting with their ex, they’ll reinforce their puppet master role and therefore believe they are the architects of their future.

4) They’ll spread lies about their exes

By moving on to the darker side of a narcissist’s personality, we soon realize that they are extremely bitter exes and will always attempt to seek revenge. Now, they are never even slightly concerned about hurting people’s feelings or remorseful about their actions, no, they are more worried about saving face. Indeed, preserving their reputation is so important to them that they become even more obsessed with their ego and will make up lies in order to do so. Plus, nothing is out of bounds for them, that do anything they deem useful to get back at their exes.

5) They’ll play mind games

Narcissists are well known for playing mind games because they help to reinforce their hold over their current or past victims. They’ll resort to love bombing, self-esteem reduction, and emotional manipulation to keep their ex under the thumb. The truth is, these games send subliminal messages to the victims that they’ll never truly break free and get their lives back. Here, we are dealing with emotional torturers who will stop at nothing to crush people that they believe have betrayed them.

6) They’ll blackmail them

Whether they have compromising text messages or photos of their exes, they’ll use whatever material they have against them, and of course they’ll take pleasure in seeing them squirm. They get their sick kicks from making threats and will use whatever they have to get their past lovers to do exactly what they want, which means breaking the cycle of abuse can be excessively tough.

Is my ex a narcissist? - Here are 6 signs he is

Love is definitely a blinding emotion and can be very confusing for our emotions. When we are with someone, it can be hard to see their flaws and even tougher to pick up on their bad behavior, especially where manipulation and gaslighting are concerned. Plus, narcissists don’t exactly parade around with a badge on declaring their personality disorder. If you are recently fresh out of a relationship and have doubts about your ex flame, here are the signs that your ex is a narcissist.

1) He was the one who decided when we saw each other.

When you made offers, he declined. Often he’d say he had a lot of work on, but preferred to take care of things from A-Z anyway.

2) When you spoke to him about how you felt, he cut the conversation short.

He said some pretty hurtful phrases: if I like you, it's not for your intelligence, or you're stupid, you're fat, and even, you have a big nose. Always on the tone of the fun so that it went down better.

3) He never introduced you to his family or his friends.

You now wonder whether they even know you existed.

4) He talked about the future, but never included you in his plans.

You were always an afterthought in everything.

5) His words and actions that don't add up.

For example, he told you that we were in a relationship but never acted as if you were.

6) His past was a mystery

He never really spoke about his life, his past relationships. You hardly knew what he did with his days or even those long evenings when you were without news.

Do narcissists miss their exes?

This certainly isn’t an easy question to answer because absolutely nothing is straightforward with these bullies. Whilst on paper, narcissists are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves, they struggle with the idea of change, so when someone they previously relied on suddenly disappears, they can feel sad, although they won’t admit it. These slippery snakes need a steady network of people around them to be able to feed into their grandiose ideas and theories. Now, they won’t miss their exes romantically, but they will miss being able to manipulate and toy with them.

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship

At the end of a relationship, the narcissist is likely to descend into free fall and seek revenge in any way possible. The act of revenge in itself aims at breaking your self-esteem, and even your ego/you feel betrayed, and you do not know how to react to this reality. In short, your former abuser is essentially waiting to trigger a reaction from you, whether it is good or bad. After an unwanted breakup, the narcissist will do everything to push you to your limits, in order to make you lash out, and therefore look like the bad guy. That’s why your first action after a breakup should be to block him purely and simply and to work on yourself to move on and not think about him anymore. Don't try to keep in touch with him because you won't be able to stop his hold as long as you will be in contact with him.

What do narcissists say about their exes?

Let’s be honest, a narcissistic person will never ever say anything positive about one of their ex-partners, and that’s simply because they want to pass themselves off as the victim. Narcissists won’t hesitate to tell their friends and family that their ex was a liar, a cheater, and manipulative. They’ll call them all the names under the sun in order to get people to believe that their ex was the toxic partner in the relationship. In fact, they’ll even go as far as to make up stories and lies about their behavior, and in some cases, they’ll switch roles in the story for an even more convincing delivery. In short, they’ll never be completely honest about what went on, and will never be very complimentary about their former partners either. After all, telling the truth would ultimately unmask them.

Editor’s opinion - Talk about your troubles

If you are still being emotionally toyed with by a bitter ex, then seeking support in the form of friends, a group, or even law enforcement is one of the best ways to ensure your safety. Opening up may be difficult, but it’s an essential step towards safeguarding your mental health.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!


Be sure to read these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

I moved out & left my ex after 30 years together...Part was marriage...He had us get divorced while he held my hand & we have 2 beautiful girls...I was over him & he took revenge on me...He had me fall for him again...He took me fishing, bought me things, opened & closed the doors for me...Then on the 4th of July I showed up at his house & I seen this van at his house & got a gut instinct that this was his girlfriend's...I go this is hers isn't it? He goes I tried to tell you...So I go I got something for you & I got our wedding ring put it in his hand & told him to shove it up his beep beep...Then I bolted in front of him & went straight up to her & told her she could have him...Then left...He has part of my family turned against me plus part of the town...My daughter told me don't let him win this time...He is trying to play mind games with me to get me to leave town...His sister tried for 30 years to split us up & she finally won...Bad part is I still love him but keeping my eyes peeled...He is with this girl & he has turned mean as a snake...I'm not going anywhere...Pray for me...He said she takes him to church...& he has got all weird & fake acting...At least when I was with him he was nice...That's bcuz he would abuse me & I knew how to dodge him to save face...

Was he ever physically abusive…. Did he ever threaten your life? Did you make it out?

Read our latest articles here:

Why Do We Feel Better In The Evening When We Have Depression?

If there’s one symptom that can be observed in any type of depression, it’s fatigue. Intense fatigue that sticks to the skin and holds us back like a ball and chain. The problem with this fatigue is that it occurs mainly in the morning, which is one of the reasons why, in the case of depression, we feel better in the evening than in the morning.

Pay Transparency: Why Is Talking About Your Salary So Taboo?

If there’s a world where taboos abound, it’s the world of work. Avoiding opening up, avoiding emotions, avoiding closeness, avoiding anything personal, but above all, the opaque mystery of salaries! The ban is there, never stated, never established, but its scent floats around the subject of salaries. But why is talking about your salary so taboo?

What Job Can Reconcile Your Professional And Home Life?

As the saying goes, ‘we can’t have it all’, but is that really true? Establishing balance in your life is never exactly an easy challenge, but it is the secret to creating happiness is finding the sacred line between your job and your family. That’s right, it's essential to ask yourself how you organize your life, so you can make the most of every moment. So, what job will allow you to reconcile both aspects of your life?

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

What Is Gaslighting And Why Is It So Dangerous?

Gaslighting is one of the most destabilizing and covert forms of manipulation out there, and often makes victims feel completely lost and broken. This scary scenario essentially involves brainwashing via deception and is frequently characterized by blatant denial and emotional blackmail. ‘No, darling, I would never lie to you. I love you too much for that. Remember, it was you who stained my collar with lipstick... you forget everything.’ This is a classic example of this type of abuse, and trust me, I should know because I’ve been through it...

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Narcissists often get bad press, and although many of us try to see the best in most people, in their case, it can be extremely difficult to find. The truth is, folks with this personality disorder don’t exactly have many redeeming qualities that could potentially help to excuse and explain their borderline evil behavior. Plus, when it comes to love, their lack of empathy means they have next to no loyalty, which means many of them often end up cheating on their partners. Ladies, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the alarm bells ought to be truly deafening.

Help, Why Do I Attract Narcissists?

After a succession of dating disasters, I decided that it was time I took a step back to analyze the root of my consistent heartbreak. Being on the dating scene is tough, and meeting new people just isn’t as easy as they make it out to be. Although, that being said, meeting toxic monsters seems to be a lot less complicated, well at least for me, it seems that way, that’s right, I have a real talent for it. So, after deleting all of my apps and going on a dating hiatus for several months, I finally understand why I attract people with narcissistic personality disorders, who do nothing but break me down and subject me to narcissistic abuse.

Can You Have A Healthy Relationship With A Narcissist?

I’ve always been very open with my dating history, so if you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll probably already know that, none of my relationships have ever fulfilled me, or even made me feel good about myself. In fact, since dating my most recent partner, who was by the way a raging narcissist, I’ve decided that I need to take a break from love, and instead, spend more time on finding myself. How did I get to this point? Well, when I was with my ex, no matter how hard I tried, our love disintegrated, well at least for me, it did. I can now firmly say that all the tears, arguments, and pain have taught me that loving someone with narcissistic tendencies will only ever end in disaster, and I’m about to share why.

Is My Coworker A Narcissist?

Now, I don’t want to make you paranoid, but the truth is that narcissists are everywhere, and that’s why it’s so important to be able to spot them and their devious ways. So, with that in mind, why wouldn't there be a narcissist lurking in the office? Has that given you food for thought, and suddenly got your mind racing? Who is your number one suspect? Is it Jon; the guy who constantly hogs the photocopier, or perhaps even Emma; the backstabbing human resources manager? In any case, knowing how to identify these personalities is essential, so discover the 10 deplorable behavioral signs you need to look out for. You’ll never look at your coworkers in the same way again!

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack