How Narcissists Treat Their Exes: 6 Shocking Things They Do To Them

Now, a narcissist will certainly never win boyfriend or husband of the year, but narcissists are infamous for their inability to handle rejection or loss of control. When a relationship ends, they often view it as a personal affront to their ego. Instead of accepting the breakup gracefully, they escalate their manipulative and toxic behaviors, seeking to regain control or punish their ex-partners. This post-breakup behavior is driven by a deep need for validation and a fear of losing their influence over others. Their immaturity and need for revenge mean they are incapable of respecting the decision to end things, and will begin to treat their past lovers in an even more demonic way.

6 Things narcissists do to their exes just after a breakup 🤔

1) Narcissists dip in and out of their exes' lives

Narcissists are anything but predictable, and they love to keep their exes on their toes by regularly ghosting them and popping back up in their lives. At certain points, they’ll bombard their ex-partners with messages (they'll turn to love bombing) telling them how much they miss them, whereas, at others, they’ll give them the silent treatment for weeks on end. This erratic behavior is part of their strategy to maintain control. By keeping their ex-partners in a state of uncertainty, they ensure that they remain emotionally entangled and vulnerable. Narcissists thrive on this power dynamic, as it allows them to manipulate their exes’ emotions and keep them from fully moving on.

>>> Discover the reasons ghosters always come back

2) The narcissist will try to become friends with them

They’ll no doubt claim that they don’t want any drama, and will insist they want to be amicable about things moving forward. This tactic is often a guise to maintain a foothold in their ex's life. By presenting themselves as 'friendly' or 'amicable,' they create an opportunity to re-enter the relationship whenever it suits them. Narcissists rarely want true friendship; instead, they seek to keep the door open for future manipulation. The truth is, their sense of superiority means they believe that they can restart relationships whenever, regardless of what has happened.

3) A narcissist ex will flirt

Flirting involves toying with people’s emotions and exciting their curiosity, and it’s a field that self-obsessed narcissists excel in. They love feeling sexy and wanted because it boosts their ego and sense of self-importance. Plus, by flirting with their ex, they’ll reinforce their puppet master role and therefore believe they are the architects of their future.

>>> Read Is flirting cheating?

4) They’ll spread lies about their exes

By moving on to the darker side of a narcissist’s personality, we soon realize that they are extremely bitter exes and will always attempt to seek revenge. Now, they are never even slightly concerned about hurting people’s feelings or remorseful about their actions, no, they are more worried about saving face. Narcissists are highly concerned with their public image. When a relationship ends, they often go into damage control mode, spreading false narratives to protect their reputation. They may paint themselves as the victim while casting their ex in a negative light. This behavior is driven by their need to preserve their ego and avoid any accountability for the breakup.

5) They’ll play mind games

Narcissists are well known for playing mind games because they help to reinforce their hold over their current or past victims. They’ll resort to love bombing, self-esteem reduction, and emotional manipulation to keep their ex under the thumb. These mind games are designed to keep their exes emotionally dependent and confused. By alternating between affection and cruelty, they create a cycle of hope and despair that makes it difficult for their victims to break free. This emotional manipulation is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse, as it allows them to maintain control long after the relationship has ended.

6) They’ll blackmail them

Whether they have compromising text messages or photos of their exes, they’ll use whatever material they have against them, and of course they’ll take pleasure in seeing them squirm. They get their sick kicks from making threats and will use whatever they have to get their past lovers to do exactly what they want, which means breaking the cycle of abuse can be excessively tough.

5 Signs your ex might be a narcissist 🚩

• Excessive Love Bombing: They continually oscillate between hot and cold behavior to keep you attached.
• Playing the Victim: They twist the breakup to gain sympathy and make you feel guilty.
• Constant Messaging: They flood you with unsolicited messages, including love notes or even threats.
• Smear Campaigns: They spread false information to tarnish your reputation and elevate their own.
• Emotional Manipulation: They exploit your vulnerabilities to keep you from moving on.

Pro Tip: Recognizing these red flags early can help you protect your emotional well-being and move forward confidently.

Be sure to read these articles too;

• Examples of text messages a narcissist sends
• What will a narcissist say to get you back?