How Narcissists Treat Their Exes - 6 Shocking Things They Do

Last updated by Katie M.

Walking away and definitively closing the door on your relationship with a narcissistic ex-partner is one of the most emotionally draining challenges you can face. After all, these manipulative bullies are never willing to just let bygones be bygones, and always want to have the final word after the break-down of a relationship. Besides, when narcissists get dumped, their inner demon raises its ugly head and becomes determined to (metaphorically) destroy their ex-partner.

How Narcissists Treat Their Exes - 6 Shocking Things They Do

Now, a narcissist will certainly never win boyfriend or husband of the year, but when their feelings are hurt and their partner has ended things, they crank up the intensity level of their evilness. Their immaturity and need for revenge mean they are incapable of respecting the decision to end things, and will begin to treat their past lovers in an even more demonic way.

Narcissists treat their exes horribly - Here are 6 examples of what they do to their exes post breakup

1) They dip in and out of their lives

Narcissists are anything but predictable, and they love to keep their exes on their toes by regularly ghosting them and popping back up in their lives. At certain points, they’ll bombard their ex-partners with messages telling them how much they miss them, whereas, at others, they’ll give them the silent treatment for weeks on end. The instability they inflict on their partner means they remain in control and are constantly in the driver’s seat by picking and choosing when to communicate.

>>> Discover the reasons ghosters always come back

2) They’ll try to become friends with them

They’ll no doubt claim that they don’t want any drama, and will insist they want to be amicable about things moving forward. By reinforcing the idea that they want to stay friends, they are actively leaving the door open to getting back together whenever please. The truth is, their sense of superiority means they believe that they can restart relationships whenever, regardless of what has happened.

3) They’ll flirt with them

Flirting involves toying with people’s emotions and exciting their curiosity, and it’s a field that self-obsessed narcissists excel in. They love feeling sexy and wanted because it boosts their ego and sense of self-importance. Plus, by flirting with their ex, they’ll reinforce their puppet master role and therefore believe they are the architects of their future.

4) They’ll spread lies about their exes

By moving on to the darker side of a narcissist’s personality, we soon realize that they are extremely bitter exes and will always attempt to seek revenge. Now, they are never even slightly concerned about hurting people’s feelings or remorseful about their actions, no, they are more worried about saving face. Indeed, preserving their reputation is so important to them that they become even more obsessed with their ego and will make up lies in order to do so. Plus, nothing is out of bounds for them, that do anything they deem useful to get back at their exes.

5) They’ll play mind games

Narcissists are well known for playing mind games because they help to reinforce their hold over their current or past victims. They’ll resort to love bombing, self-esteem reduction, and emotional manipulation to keep their ex under the thumb. The truth is, these games send subliminal messages to the victims that they’ll never truly break free and get their lives back. Here, we are dealing with emotional torturers who will stop at nothing to crush people that they believe have betrayed them.

6) They’ll blackmail them

Whether they have compromising text messages or photos of their exes, they’ll use whatever material they have against them, and of course they’ll take pleasure in seeing them squirm. They get their sick kicks from making threats and will use whatever they have to get their past lovers to do exactly what they want, which means breaking the cycle of abuse can be excessively tough.

Is my ex a narcissist? - Here are 6 signs he is

Love is definitely a blinding emotion and can be very confusing for our emotions. When we are with someone, it can be hard to see their flaws and even tougher to pick up on their bad behavior, especially where manipulation and gaslighting are concerned. Plus, narcissists don’t exactly parade around with a badge on declaring their personality disorder. If you are recently fresh out of a relationship and have doubts about your ex flame, here are the signs that your ex is a narcissist.

1) He was the one who decided when we saw each other.

When you made offers, he declined. Often he’d say he had a lot of work on, but preferred to take care of things from A-Z anyway.

2) When you spoke to him about how you felt, he cut the conversation short.

He said some pretty hurtful phrases: if I like you, it's not for your intelligence, or you're stupid, you're fat, and even, you have a big nose. Always on the tone of the fun so that it went down better.

3) He never introduced you to his family or his friends.

You now wonder whether they even know you existed.

4) He talked about the future, but never included you in his plans.

You were always an afterthought in everything.

5) His words and actions that don't add up.

For example, he told you that we were in a relationship but never acted as if you were.

6) His past was a mystery

He never really spoke about his life, his past relationships. You hardly knew what he did with his days or even those long evenings when you were without news.

Do narcissists miss their exes?

This certainly isn’t an easy question to answer because absolutely nothing is straightforward with these bullies. Whilst on paper, narcissists are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves, they struggle with the idea of change, so when someone they previously relied on suddenly disappears, they can feel sad, although they won’t admit it. These slippery snakes need a steady network of people around them to be able to feed into their grandiose ideas and theories. Now, they won’t miss their exes romantically, but they will miss being able to manipulate and toy with them.

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship

At the end of a relationship, the narcissist is likely to descend into free fall and seek revenge in any way possible. The act of revenge in itself aims at breaking your self-esteem, and even your ego/you feel betrayed, and you do not know how to react to this reality. In short, your former abuser is essentially waiting to trigger a reaction from you, whether it is good or bad. After an unwanted breakup, the narcissist will do everything to push you to your limits, in order to make you lash out, and therefore look like the bad guy. That’s why your first action after a breakup should be to block him purely and simply and to work on yourself to move on and not think about him anymore. Don't try to keep in touch with him because you won't be able to stop his hold as long as you will be in contact with him.

What do narcissists say about their exes?

Let’s be honest, a narcissistic person will never ever say anything positive about one of their ex-partners, and that’s simply because they want to pass themselves off as the victim. Narcissists won’t hesitate to tell their friends and family that their ex was a liar, a cheater, and manipulative. They’ll call them all the names under the sun in order to get people to believe that their ex was the toxic partner in the relationship. In fact, they’ll even go as far as to make up stories and lies about their behavior, and in some cases, they’ll switch roles in the story for an even more convincing delivery. In short, they’ll never be completely honest about what went on, and will never be very complimentary about their former partners either. After all, telling the truth would ultimately unmask them.

Editor’s opinion - Talk about your troubles

If you are still being emotionally toyed with by a bitter ex, then seeking support in the form of friends, a group, or even law enforcement is one of the best ways to ensure your safety. Opening up may be difficult, but it’s an essential step towards safeguarding your mental health.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

I moved out & left my ex after 30 years together...Part was marriage...He had us get divorced while he held my hand & we have 2 beautiful girls...I was over him & he took revenge on me...He had me fall for him again...He took me fishing, bought me things, opened & closed the doors for me...Then on the 4th of July I showed up at his house & I seen this van at his house & got a gut instinct that this was his girlfriend's...I go this is hers isn't it? He goes I tried to tell you...So I go I got something for you & I got our wedding ring put it in his hand & told him to shove it up his beep beep...Then I bolted in front of him & went straight up to her & told her she could have him...Then left...He has part of my family turned against me plus part of the town...My daughter told me don't let him win this time...He is trying to play mind games with me to get me to leave town...His sister tried for 30 years to split us up & she finally won...Bad part is I still love him but keeping my eyes peeled...He is with this girl & he has turned mean as a snake...I'm not going anywhere...Pray for me...He said she takes him to church...& he has got all weird & fake acting...At least when I was with him he was nice...That's bcuz he would abuse me & I knew how to dodge him to save face...

Was he ever physically abusive…. Did he ever threaten your life? Did you make it out?

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- Oscar Wilde


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