Is Flirting Cheating? We Settle The Debate

Amongst the long list of things that rattle your brains, relationships and questions about faithfulness definitely feature. In the long series of “is it … cheating?” questions, flirting also appears. Making eyes at Gerard, another parent, when dropping your children off at school, is that really classed as being unfaithful or not? The answer is simple: it depends!


"Flirting is poking fun at the rosebush without picking the rose.” Ludovic O'Followel

For starters, what is flirting?

Yes, it’s probably best to start by agreeing on what we understand by flirting. Flirting is nothing more than seduction. Flirting is when you establish a bond. According to Wikipedia, it refers to a romantic relationship characterised by frivolity and one which is free of deep feelings. I don’t agree at all. Flirting is an opening, and I believe it’s about desire rather than love, at least at first anyway.

I like flirting, am I unfaithful?

I have been in a relationship long enough for the trust I have in my partner to be quite firm and established. Basically, I don’t worry about knowing what he is doing when I’m not there, not even knowing, just whether he is flirting or not. So when I have fun making eyes at the waiter in my favourite bar, when I laugh at his jokes, make innuendos or even brush past him, I don’t feel like I’m harming my relationship. In my opinion, it’s a game without consequences and I don’t see myself getting annoyed with my partner if he played the same game.

Within reason and if it’s not compulsive seduction, I regard seducing, wanting to please and enjoying pleasing others natural. Picture a sexual relationship that’s not having a sexual relationship. The only person who might suffer here is the waiter at the bar… unless I tell him that I am already in a relationship…

>>> I'm unhappy in my relationship, what can I do?

Too jealous to flirt

I have a friend on the other hand where, even after several years of marriage, jealousy is an integral part of her relationship. Not an unhealthy jealousy, but strong enough nevertheless for her not to be able to handle seeing her husband talking to another woman. For her it’s obvious, flirting is cheating. She can’t stand the idea that her husband might yearn for or want another woman and might be looking to see if he’s in with a chance. She, on the other hand, doesn’t flirt at all and if she found out that her husband had spent the evening fliting with another woman, I’m not sure she would forgive him for it.

>>> Discover why we get jealous in relationships and how to manage it

So, is flirting cheating?

It all depends on how far we go, the trust we have in ourselves and in our relationship. Am I capable of flirting without taking it too far? Do I trust my partner enough to know he wouldn’t sleep with another person?

>>> You might find this article interesting: 7 Tips for an amazing sex life

Editor's advice – “I’m just playing…”

It’s all very well being in love, always yearning for our partner, but maybe, during a chance meeting in a lift, the new 6th floor neighbor makes a good impression on us. It’s no use, when he says hello to us or catches our eye, we feel a tingling in our tummy. And this is what we imagine, not to mention the other scenarios we come up with, the minute we are feeling down during the day. Yes, yearning for someone other than your partner is possible, and it doesn’t mean you have to act upon this urge. If flirting is synonymous with playing with fire, then a thought remains just a thought. And if we throw ourselves into the flames, we move on to another game…

So we’ve understood that love isn’t simple, but this doesn’t mean we can’t manage our relationships better on a day-to-day basis. Discover our 10 tips for a successful relationship and whether you should tell a friend she's being cheated on.

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