How Do You Know A Married Man Is Using You? - 10 Signs

Last updated by Katie M.

If you’re currently reading this article, then you are no doubt dating a married man who has promised you the earth and then some, yet you’re not totally convinced of his sincerity. Having an affair and being ‘the other woman’ certainly isn’t an easy role, and can become even more confusing when your lover swears to you that he is ready to give up everything because he loves you so much. Lies, false promises, and attempts at manipulation make these shadowy love stories even less transparent, but, to clear things up, here are 10 signs you are unfortunately being used.

How Do You Know A Married Man Is Using You? - 10 Signs

If your gut feeling is telling you that the guy you are seeing is using you, then these 10 signs should get you over the line towards certitude. Having an affair is no doubt morally wrong, but the reality is, it happens, and when feelings develop between someone who is taken and a singleton, the truth can be hard to see. Putting the passion to the side may seem difficult, but it will undoubtedly lead you to clarity.

>>> Find out if a narcissist can love you

10 Signs the married man you are dating is using you

1) He uses you as a booty call

If your lover only ever wants to see you for one thing, and one thing only, then this is a major red flag. A relationship with a married man is never straightforward, but there does need to be some semblance of care there for things to work. If he only ever wants to see you for sex at your place, then it might be time you decide to move on and kick him to the curb. Sex is of course an important part of any relationship, but it shouldn’t be the be-all and end-all either...

2) He promises to leave his wife but never does

If you’ve ever dated a married guy, then you’ve probably heard this famous one-liner once too many times. Yet, no matter how many times he professes his love for you and claims he no longer has any feelings for his wife, he never ends up leaving her. And, when you think about it, why would he open Pandora’s box and create a whirlwind of drama, when he has the best of both worlds?

3) He begs you to keep your relationship secret

Married men almost always swear their lovers to secrecy and regularly blackmail them into keeping things on the down-low. After all, despite what they say, they don’t really want to lose their comfortable lives in the suburbs with the perfect wife and kids, yet they can’t resist the thrill of playing with fire.

4) You’ve never met his family and friends

This point connects with the previous and acts as a major warning sign that you are being used for nothing other than sex. Whenever someone goes out of their way to keep you at more than an arm’s length from their personal life, then you know something is off. Just think about it, in a sincere relationship, introducing a partner to family and friends is one of the first things you want to do!

5) Everything is on his terms

Where you meet, at what time, on which day, etc. are all decided by him! In fact, you never really have a say in the matter and are always the one who has to change your plans in order to accommodate him and his schedule. If a married man is using you, his need for control will be overwhelming, and his plans will always be minute because there’s no way in hell he’s prepared to get caught out.

6) He’s manipulative

If whenever you see your lover, he has a story about how awful his wife is and how hard she makes things for him, then alarm bells should be ringing in your head at a deafening volume. Whenever a marriage hits tough times, things can turn ugly, but to blame all the pain on your wife and to paint her out as a villain seems pretty fishy to me. After all, it takes two to tango.

7) The conversation is limited

Although the physical connection and chemistry are there, if these elements were to be stripped away, there would be nothing left. Attraction is great and a fundamental part of any relationship, but conversation runs deeper and proves real compatibility. If you are lost for words with your married man, then this should give you the wake-up call you need.

8) There’s no romance factor

The bottom line is, he’s there for one thing and that’s right, you’ve guessed it, it’s the thing he’s not getting at home… Sex is the only point on his agenda, which leaves little to no time for romance when he is on such a tight schedule. Well, it is tough to balance your home life with your secret life when there are only so many hours in a day.

9) He’s a player

If you’ve seen him attempting to hide his phone because he’s just received a text from Jessica, Georgia, or was it, Lauren? Then this is a call that you deserve so much better than someone who will only ever be happy playing the field.

10) He regularly ghosts you

Sometimes you won’t hear from him for days, and at other times weeks, and then he’ll crop right back as if nothing happened. The inconsistency in his intensity is disconcerting, but no matter how many times you’ve brought it up, he never improves his communication.

>>> Discover the 8 reasons why ghosters always come back

Is texting a married man cheating?

At first, it may seem fun. What could be more exhilarating than sending a few cheeky text messages to a guy who seems crazy about you? It is when love gets involved that everything becomes complicated, especially when he is married. The more the backstory is dangerous, the more one feels on the side of love. Out of scope, out of the norm, outside the law. The more one vibrates in tune with the other, the more one suffers from their impediments. For some, it is the nightmare of a life condemned to secrecy, to sacrifice.

However, the bottom line is that texting a married man is considered cheating too. Now, although nothing physical may have gone on, by sending messages, you are participating in emotional cheating. Infidelity is a very broad topic and can come in several forms. Yet, the one common denominator to all of these scenarios is that someone is being betrayed. It may seem like innocent fun and games, but, remember that someone is going to get badly hurt in the process.

>>> Read: Signs you are texting a narcissist

5 Signs a married man is sexually attracted to you

1. You are constantly on his mind

The first sign that a married man is in love with you is the accumulation of attention. In short, he is concerned about what we are going through and seeks not only to know as much as possible about our day but also about our childhood, our personality, and our life.

2. He loves talking to you

A married man who loves you would leave no opportunity to talk to you. Whether it's about the latest movies, the latest concert on politics, or a serious topic, he would want to discuss everything with you.

3. He compliments you

One of the most important signs that a married man is in love with you is that he compliments you. Well, not necessarily tons, but if he compliments you on your personality, your haircut, your clothes, or anything else about you, he is probably in love with you.

4. He tries to impress you

Even if he has decided to keep his feelings secret, a married man who is in love with you will try to impress you. You will notice that when he talks to you, he will be cheerful and his tone of voice will be lively. He will always try to initiate conversations via text and in person, and will do his best to hold your attention when you are around him.

5. He wants to spend time with you

It's obvious that a married man who is secretly in love with you will always want to spend as much time as possible in your company. Similarly, a married man who has a crush on a woman will find opportunities to be with her as often as possible.

>>> Read; Are narcissists attracted to each other?

How do you know a married man thinks about you?

It's hard to know for sure what a married man thinks of you, as it depends on his personal situation, his relationship with his wife, and his own morality. However, here are a few signs that might indicate that a married man is thinking about you:

  • Frequent communication: If he messages you regularly, contacts you often, or seeks to establish frequent communication, this could indicate that he's thinking about you.

  • Special interest: If he shows a marked interest in your life, your activities, or your opinions, this could be a sign that he's thinking about you in a way that goes beyond simple friendship.

  • Secret meetings: If you often find yourselves meeting in secret, without his wife or entourage knowing, this could be an indicator that he's thinking of you in a more intimate way.

  • Emotional attitude: If he seems emotionally invested in the relationship with you, if he shares his feelings, and concerns or seeks emotional support from you, this could be a sign that he's thinking about you significantly.

How to tell if a married man is emotionally attached to you?

To determine whether a married man is developing an emotional connection towards you, it's essential to pay attention to certain subtle signs. One of the key indicators is a change in his behavior and attitude towards his wife. If you notice that he's becoming more distant, less attentive, or less invested in the relationship with his wife, this may indicate that he's focusing more on you. What's more, if he frequently talks about you, shares personal details with you, or spends a significant amount of time talking, this could also signal a growing emotional connection. Remember that these signs aren't necessarily irrefutable proof of an emotional connection, but they can be grounds for concern that warrant open and honest communication to understand the situation.

Editor’s opinion - You deserve so much more!

If any of the points above resonate with you, then you need to move on and start living your life for YOU. You need to turn the page and focus on yourself, instead of trying to please someone who will never be with you properly. In short, you deserve someone who would go to the ends of the earth for you, and shouldn’t waste your time creeping about for someone who sees you as an extracurricular activity.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


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