What is orbiting?
The journalist and author Anna Rose Lovine coined the word in 2018 after being ghosted by a guy she met on Tinder. Although Anna hadn’t heard from him, that didn’t stop her ex from continuing to follow her life through social media, in particular through Instagram stories. This story reminds me a lot of my own 🙄...
Orbiting is therefore quiet quitting, no longer interacting directly with the person (through messages), BUT still keeping up to date with what that person is doing.
It’s true that we’re quick to put our lives on the internet without thinking too much about it, but that’s no excuse for orbiting. This behavior is perfectly toxic, because it’s hard to forget someone when their name keeps popping up on your phone all day long 😅.
Why act like this?
The first thing I asked myself when I saw the person appear in my Instagram stories was why act like this? I mean, if this guy didn’t want to be with me, it felt strange for him to stay up to date with my life. Is this harmless behavior, or does it reflect something unhealthier, like a narcissistic pervert might do? It could be both 😯.
Inaction and ignorance
Indeed, this is what Rachel O’Neill, a specialist in dealing with relationship problems on social media, explains. The person doesn’t necessarily want to engage with you, they don’t know how to continue the private conversation. On top of that, social media gives us a voyeuristic look into the lives of others, including people we reject. This isn’t “unhealthy” behavior, as everyone will tend to want to satisfy their curiosity. There are plenty of people who love spying on people they hate 👀!
A means of control
However, we must remain wary and bear in mind that this behavior can be a red flag 🚩. Some people do this because they don’t want to completely break off contact, so they can come back into our lives when it suits them. A simple comment or reply to our story is all it takes for them to burst back into our daily lives 😥. It’s a bit like a way of using us, whenever they feel like it. Except that, it’s a sign of a toxic relationship....
👋 You may be interested in this article: My ex has started calling me again - What should I do?
How do you react if you’re a victim of orbiting?
It may seem harmless, especially for people who are in a permanent digital detox and who aren’t on social media 😬. Nonetheless, this romantic behavior is harmful and doesn’t do us much good. Orbiting is no way to remain friends with your ex, as there are no private interactions. So, how do you react?
💬 I remember suffering from this situation, as I was constantly frustrated and questioning myself. Following my life while not wanting to be part of it made me angry 😡. At one point, I even became a bit obsessed with it. I became desperate to check if the person was looking at my stories. Spying the spy, to gain a sense of control 😩...
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A simple and efficient solution
Constant checking like I did is absolutely not a good solution. Just like over-interpretation, we mustn’t tell ourselves that it’s an absolutely toxic person who’s doing this. The best way to react if you have a problem is to set your limits by blocking the person on all social media. Most of the time, nothing more will happen. However, if the person comes back at you, it’s better not to respond. This will avoid you getting into an unhealthy game that could very well hurt you 💔.
⚠️ Lastly, you should never neglect what you show on social media, even beyond orbiting. It’s important to keep a private space in your life that isn’t shared in the virtual world to make sure you’re sufficiently protected from stalking and other toxic behavior...
Editor’s note: A harmful behavior you shouldn’t tolerate!Have you ever been in this situation? What did it inspire in you? Tell us all about it in the comments, we love to hear from you. Keep in mind that this behavior is totally unhealthy, so don’t hesitate to block your ex from seeing any more of your life. And if this separation is too painful and seeing him watching your stories every day is preventing you from grieving and distancing yourself, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist to talk things over.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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