“Quiet Quitting” In A Relationship: When The Break-Up Is Silent…

Last updated by Lauren Hart

Do you feel like you’re the only one invested in the relationship? That your partner’s becoming increasingly distant? These behaviors are quite revealing, according to American psychologist Theresa E. DiDonato. It’s called “quiet quitting”! Originally a term reserved for the professional world, it’s being increasingly used in romantic relationships, as this behavior is so revealing. So what is quiet quitting in a relationship? What are the reasons for this behavior? All will be explained.

“Quiet Quitting” In A Relationship: When The Break-Up Is Silent…

When quiet quitting happens in a relationship…

Originally, we spoke about quiet quitting at work, as it’s a “quiet resignation”. This phenomenon encourages us to take our foot off the pedal and not invest so much at work in order to preserve our mental health. There’s also another aspect, as it also concerns people who are no longer motivated and who only do the bare minimum. Unfortunately, this mental resignation isn’t just limited to our professional life this behavior is creeping into our private life, in a more harmful way 😅...

Disinvestment in love

Quiet quitting can be conveyed in a relationship, but as a progressive disinvestment in a romantic relationship. This behavior has always existed, but only recently has it been put into words 🤐. You know, it’s when your partner is no longer invested at all, becomes distant, and you feel like you’re alone in the relationship... Obviously, this emotional indifference and insensitivity isn’t good news, as the one who carries out quiet quitting has disconnected their heart from the relationship. Just like a sudden break-up, the other person is present, but tries to spend as little time with you as possible 😞... Your love life crumbles, as does your sex life which is in decline, as your partner flees physical contact and you even end up not feeling desired anymore...

You may be interested in this article >>> The 4 types of attachment in love

Why does the partner carry out quiet quitting?

This behavior shouldn’t be confused with ghosting or pocketing. In the case of the former, it’s a total disappearance from one day to the next, in the case of the latter, it’s a fear of what others think. The person who carries out quiet quitting detaches themselves from the relationship without saying so because they no longer feel romantically invested. Nevertheless, they’re not necessarily ready to break up 😅. Why not? Well, there may be several reasons, those that are “practical” like financial ones or moving house. But it can be more complex because they don't know how to do it, because they’re scared of being single because they’re not brave enough...

My testimony 📌

When I discovered this, I thought back to one of my past relationships. I’m quite ashamed that I have to admit that I carried out quiet quitting, without realizing it at the time, as the term didn’t exist then.

Yes, I was once someone else’s toxic person because I didn’t want to admit that I no longer had feelings for my boyfriend at the time. I was young, I was about 20, and I was much less in tune with my emotions, much less communicative, and I wanted everything to be perfect. Breaking up was out of the question, I had to make it work.

Unfortunately, the heart has its reasons that reason ignores... So I gradually distanced myself as I was no longer in love. But this made him suffer a lot, and he ended up breaking up with me instead, as the situation no longer suited him. Now I know I won’t ever behave like that again, because it can cause much more psychological suffering than a clean break.

You may be interested in this article >>> 10 Signs you are dating a narcissist 🚩

How to react to quiet quitting in a relationship?

The lesson I learned from my own behavior, but also from another partner who made me go through this silent break-up, is that the best response is to communicate. Allowing the situation to fester will only generate malaise for the person on the receiving end of quiet quitting. It’s therefore important to spot the signs of this distance in your relationship. If your partner no longer pays attention to you, if he’s no longer affectionate, if he doesn’t listen to you... It’s probably because he’s no longer in love 💔. So you need to have a conversation, telling him about his behavior, expressing what you feel, and putting the main solution into words: separation.

It’s never easy to have this kind of conversation, but it’s better to break up than to stay with a person who doesn’t love you anymore. We can move on to the next step of forgetting about someone to move on and do who knows what? A nice encounter where we’re truly loved 🫶🏻.

Editor’s note: Don’t let it set in...

Quiet quitting in love can take its toll, you drift apart, and you distance yourself without saying anything, little by little. If you think this is happening to you, it’s important to reopen the dialogue and talk about it frankly with your partner. Non-violent communication in a relationship can be an excellent option. If your romantic relationships are complicated, if the same patterns keep repeating themselves or if you feel lost, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist in order to take stock and put in place new habits that will allow you to find your happiness.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!


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Article presented by Lauren Hart

Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!

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