Narcissist Silent Treatment: Why They Use It And How To Combat It

The cold shoulder may seem pretty harmless, but it is in fact quite the opposite! In relationships, it is actually regarded as one of the most damaging types of punishment that exist. The silent treatment, often dismissed as a minor issue, is actually a powerful tool of emotional manipulation. It’s not just about ignoring someone; it’s about asserting dominance and control. Narcissists use this tactic to make their victims feel powerless, confused, and desperate for validation. The emotional toll of being ignored by someone you care about can be devastating, leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. However, much like people who ghost, when they feel like their victims have learned their so-called lesson, they’ll resume all communication as a way of metaphorically rewarding them. After all, they love toying with emotions and feelings.

6 Reasons why narcissists love dishing out the silent treatment 🤯

Here’s why it’s so powerful...

1) It’s a form of emotional abuse

By going stone-cold silent on their victims, narcissists retain the upper hand in the relationship. In this particular case, they’ll use the lack of communication as a form of punishment and therefore make their already downtrodden victims feel even more powerless, insignificant, and invisible. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse because it strips the victim of their voice and agency. It’s a way for the narcissist to assert control without saying a word. By withholding communication, they force their victims to internalize the blame, making them question their own worth and actions. This tactic is especially cruel because it plays on the human need for connection and validation. The truth is, when we are trapped in a cycle of vicious mental abuse, we often develop strong feelings for the perpetrators of our mental demise. Following this logic, victims who are typically isolated from their family members, therefore, feel rewarded and appreciated when they receive even the slightest bit of attention from their tormentors, which explains why cutting it off is so deeply cruel.

>>> Discover the dangerous mind games all narcissists play

2) It causes further trauma and stress

Verbal communication is the pillar of any relationship, so when a narcissist abuser decides to stop talking to their partner or in this case victim, they consciously choose to inflict pain and confusion on them. The sudden withdrawal of communication creates a vacuum that is filled with anxiety, self-doubt, and fear. Victims often find themselves obsessing over what they did wrong, replaying every interaction in their minds. This emotional turmoil can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, and digestive issues. The stress of being ignored can be overwhelming, especially when the victim has no way of knowing when or if the silence will end. A sudden halt in communication may not seem like aggressive behavior, but it really is just that! Toxic romantic relationships are like prisons in the sense that they break people down and cut them off from the outside world, meaning their bubble of comfort becomes very reduced. Now, in this case, when something changes within a relationship, such as communication being cut off, it’s only natural to feel a flood of emotions including stress, anger, sadness, and frustration.

3) It worsens self-esteem issues

In any relationship, when one partner decides to stop talking, the other partner will naturally feel confused and also feel frustrated when no explanation as to why has been offered. Now, in the case of an abusive relationship with a grade A gaslighter, the innocent party will be so cut off from their old life that they’ll have no one to confide in, meaning their brain will go into complete overdrive and result in them blaming themselves for this radical change. For victims of narcissistic abuse, the silent treatment can be particularly damaging to self-esteem. The lack of communication leaves them feeling unworthy of attention or love. Over time, this can erode their sense of self-worth, making them more dependent on the narcissist for validation. This is exactly what the narcissist wants—to create a dynamic where the victim is constantly seeking approval and willing to do anything to avoid being ignored again. They may even end up begging or pleading with their abuser for clarification, whilst apologizing for hurting their feelings and offending them. Here, the roles will clearly be switched...

4) It makes victims even more determined to please

Narcissist silent treatment is a clear form of manipulation, and many psychologists believe that it is just as dangerous and debilitating as gaslighting techniques. They say that silence speaks volumes, and they’re certainly not wrong! This tactic allows ill-intentioned abusers to remain in the driving seat, whilst controlling the conversation. Plus, this amount of passive aggression pushes people to question everything, when they have in fact done absolutely nothing wrong.

5) It’s a form of provocation

Folks with a narcissistic personality disorder are fantastic at analyzing people’s shortcomings and weaknesses, which means they know exactly what buttons to push in order to provoke a reaction from someone. Now, when these slippery snakes want to intensify their hold over their prey, they’ll do everything possible to push them to the edge and subsequently explode with rage and anger. Then, once they have obtained the explosive reaction they were looking for, they will begin to guilt-trip their victim and pretend that they feel really hurt by their behavior and trust me, they are great actors... This is a classic mind game that manipulators play to make their victims feel guilty for their outbursts. Plus, in most cases, it makes them even more determined to please their abuser, meaning it only reinforces the cycle of abuse.

6) It has negative physical effects too

Not only does silent treatment make you feel invisible, but it can also make you feel physically unwell too. As a matter of fact, feeling ignored triggers a reaction in the brain that then convinces people that they are physically hurt. Research has shown that social rejection, including the silent treatment, activates the same areas of the brain that process physical pain. This means that being ignored can literally hurt. Victims may experience physical symptoms such as migraines, stomachaches, and muscle tension. The stress of being ignored can also weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to illness. These physical effects can persist long after the silent treatment ends, as the emotional trauma continues to take a toll on the body. Furthermore, it can provoke migraines, digestive issues, as well as insomnia which can last even after the period of abuse is over.

How do you outsmart a narcissist silent treatment - 3 Tips

📖 When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic manipulator, everything revolves around them, even when they start to ignore you. It’s confusing and exhausting. But, one day, you decide enough is enough, and when you do, here are the steps to follow to responding to the narcissistic silent treatment.

Tip 1 to outsmarting the narcissist silent treatment) Stop fixating 👫;

It’s nearly impossible to try to have a relationship with a narcissist. You’ve spent a lot of time analyzing their behavior and character to understand the constant curveballs they threw at you. After leaving your abusive relationship, this usual pattern of analysis will continue until you force it to stop. Every time you think about what’s wrong with your ex, remind yourself that you are no longer involved with that person and gently encourage your mind to think about something else. Do it repeatedly. Most experts claim it takes three months to change a habit.

Tip 2) Find ways to deal with your anxiety 🧘;

Your narcissist likely kept you on edge for months or years, and your nervous system is probably still functioning in that way. Leaving can also fuel new stresses or fears, exacerbating your anxiety. On top of all that, the intimacy is gone, and you no longer have the dopamine and oxytocin that helped keep your head above water. Breathe slowly and deeply, do yoga, dance, swim, and engage in other types of exercises. Do something every day, whenever you need it.

Tip 3) Stay busy 🚴;

With narcissists, a relationship is always about power. They have it; you don’t. You struggle to try to normalize everything, but you never succeed because they want you to keep struggling so they can pull your chain whenever they feel like it. It sounds really unpleasant, and it was, but it filled the time. Now that no one is doing that, there’s a great void in your days. Life just isn’t as exciting anymore. To cope with this, keep trying new interests and activities, and make an effort to stay in touch with your friends as much as possible. When you stay at home, meditate to calm your mind. Know that you don’t always need to seek fulfillment outside; you can find it within yourself.

Be sure to check out these articles too;

• What is the narcissist discard phase?
• What is the 80/20 rule for perfectionism?
• Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?