Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Last updated by Katie M.

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

Contents: 

Is not replying to messages right away the new norm?

Come on, admit it, you too have already said to yourself "I'll answer later" leaving the message to quietly disappear into the background. While online exchanges seem to be instantaneous and almost as direct as a face-to-face conversation, you obviously spend a lot of time talking to a wall. Why is that? Well, it’s because no one responds within seconds to the message they receive, and this causes us all great anxiety!

There's always a good reason not to reply to a text.

In an article for the American magazine The Atlantic, many specialists explain what can be the "good reasons" for not responding to a message.

  • Problem of prioritization,
  • Lack of desire,
  • Lack of time
  • An avalanche of messages
  • At the end of the day, all reasons seem to be good for ignoring someone...

Unless, as the magazine reminds us, "Not responding to a message can also be a way to signal boredom, or dominance in a relationship, by pretending to be simply too busy to respond". Well, there you have it!

>>> This article might interest you: Why Is Sex So Difficult To Talk About?

"I'm overwhelmed"

Here’s the best one yet! No answer, still nothing, yet we patiently wait for 2 days and then get a "sorry I was busy, I'm overwhelmed" back. This is an insidious way to make people understand that if you have time to text for a drink, then your life must be meaningless. Except that, according to a study by the advertising agency Havas, 51% of workers admit to putting replying off because they are overwhelmed. Yes, today we love to say that we are too busy, even if it's not really the case. It gives an excuse not to answer messages and also to feel superior to and even in control of the person you are talking to. Being overwhelmed avoids a feeling of emptiness and allows one to reassure oneself about one's existence. Don't be jealous if someone replies, "sorry I didn't have time to answer you" to your texts. Your life is not empty or trivial, you just know where your priorities are... Unlike some of your friends…

>>> Check out; How to learn to say 'no' and assert yourself

Ghosting helps us avoid decisions

If you don't know what ghosting is, it is in fact the art of leaving someone in the lurch without telling them, by simply by stopping answering their calls, texts, emails, etc. In short, it involves disappearing and falling off the radar. This totally cowardly method is the demonstration of a very current problem; the difficulty of talking face-to-face. Rather than saying "no", "I can't" or "goodbye", you forget to answer and let time pass. When we don't answer a friend, who wants to go out for the evening for example, we feel guilty by saying that we're busy and that it's not as if we'll never answer her again, but it's also a way to avoid saying no to her. It's also a good way to postpone any decision-making. Of course, the decision is often taken to avoid long-term upset and drama. In the worst-case scenario it will ruin your night, but when you don't know what to answer, you don't need an answer and the problem is solved!

My phone, my friend

Finally, for the youngest among us, not to mention the fact that texting is a bit old-fashioned, the phone almost replaces friends. Psychiatrist Stéphane Clerger explains that "The phone takes the place of virtual friends and pets for young people. Apps unconsciously lead to an overvaluing of socialization and the continuous flow of uninteresting information. Young people are no longer able to prioritize what is important and what is not".

The recent Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma, describes, among other things, how the giants of Silicon Valley proceed to make us addicted and spend as much time as possible on our screens with infinite scrolls and notifications. Lost in the middle of this flow, it's difficult to capture someone's attention with a simple text message. All the more since texting sometimes reminds us of a close reality that we don't really want to confront, preferring that of social networks.

Why do I hate it when someone doesn't reply to my texts?

What happens when we are aware that our recipient has read our message but doesn't reply? We often become enraged, stressed, worried or even anxious. But why does a lack of response affect our morale so much? Simply because we feel rejected. If we ask a question, face to face, to a person who turns their head away so that they don’t have to answer us, we will feel the same way. The hyper-connectedness of almost everyone adds stress. Especially if you're one of the people who responds in the process, you tend to project your way of doing things onto the other person. And it's true, how can you not question yourself in the face of this sudden reality of being ignored.

Editor's opinion - Be patient and to put things into perspective

It is indeed negative thoughts that assail us when we despair of an answer. With an overflowing imagination and a little pessimism, it is even worse. Instead of waiting by depressing, let's wait by relativizing. If a person is always too busy to answer you, maybe it’s time we let it go. And if it's rather casual, then there will probably be a good explanation for the delay, and surely there are things to be saved in this relationship.

We think you'd like this content: 

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

10 Secrets To Successful Relationships

Stories of couples who spend their whole lives together seem like distant fairy tales nowadays. With the rise of dating apps and a shift in the idea of what constitutes a traditional relationship; the word long-term almost sounds foreign to many of us. Being in love isn't always simple, but when it works out, it's worth all the hard work. Being the romantic souls that we are, we wanted to share with you the recipe for a long-lasting and harmonious relationship. After all, who doesn't want to experience what their grandparents did? Discover the best tips for a happy and healthy love story.

Are You Scared Of Success?

Amid the fear of failing hides another fear that is less often spoken about, and that's the fear of succeeding. Doing well isn’t necessarily the key to happiness, that’s why there may be times when we fear it. Although it might seem strange, when we start to achieve our personal goals, we open ourselves up to a wave of new emotions that aren't exactly always easy to deal with. When we are caught off guard by our results, we often go into panic mode and struggle with this concept, however that's not to say we should let this hold us back.

Self-Love Checklist

Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and whilst I'm sure we'd all agree that at times we are lucky enough to experience dizzying highs, at other points, we all go through gut-wrenching lows that really do bring us crashing down. Feeling good about ourselves 365 days a year is certainly a big ask, but it's definitely not impossible, and I'm proof of that! Psst, lean in, I want to let you into a secret! Whenever I'm feeling down or when my anxiety spins out of control, I take a look at my self-love checklist for inspiration and decide that it's time to make myself feel better about things.

Teaching Men To Be More Emotionally Honest

As a self-confessed emotional sponge and anxiety sufferer, I've always found men's unwillingness to deal with their emotions surprising. I've always had a turbulent relationship with my emotions, however, over the years, I've learned that introspection and honesty have helped me to deal with them effectively. Men, on the other hand, typically have a tougher time opening up and taking the time to understand what they feel, but although it may seem difficult, acknowledging their fears, anxieties, and dreams will catapult them to the ultimate stage of happiness.

Can We Fall In Love Without Seeing The Person?

If you had asked me this question a few years ago, I would have said hell no, but recently and thanks to recent discoveries, my opinion has done a whole 180°. Nowadays, there are a variety of ways for us to find our soulmate without actually even seeing them; we can fall in love online, we can meet someone on dating sites, or, alternatively, we can sign up to Netflix's hottest dating show; 'Love Is Blind'. Now, if you haven't yet binge-watched this rollercoaster series, and are in need of a little romance in your life, you know exactly what to do.

Fear Of Rain Or Ombrophobia

When it rains, I’m instantly filled with a sentiment of melancholy. When the clouds build up and turn a sullen shade of gray, I panic. For me, there’s nothing worse than getting drenched by a cold thunderstorm. Although the slicked-back wet hair look works wonders for some, it’s definitely not a winner for me. Plus, I recently watched the Netflix series; The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window, and this has increased my fear of rain tenfold! If you’ve seen it, too, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

10 Examples Of Text Messages A Narcissist Sends

Narcissists definitely move with the times, which is why many of them constantly troll dating sites for new victims. Chatting with a manipulator of this magnitude can be a rollercoaster experience, with dizzying heights that might lead you to believe you are in love, to gut-wrenching lows which will make you question your worth. For any raving narcissist, text message exchanges are a great way to reel in victims and follow through with their master plans for ultimate control over them. Are you texting someone you suspect to be a narcissist? The examples below could confirm your suspicions.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

Is A Covert Narcissist Dangerous?

The concept of covert narcissism, or as it’s also known, ‘vulnerable narcissism’ is a fairly recent one. Now, these adjectives may seem pretty harmless, but the reality of these significations couldn’t be any more serious. Indeed, covert and vulnerable provide cloaks of invisibility for textbook narcissists. The truth is covert narcissists present themselves to the world as anxious, socially uncertain, sullen, and withdrawn, yet, in actual fact, they share the same grandiose and unemphatic traits as their exhibitionist counterparts. That’s right, these folks are just as equally skilled in the dark arts of manipulation as overt narcissists, although, they tend to hide their true intentions with more finesse, making them even more dangerous.

Green Flags, Or How To Know If This New Relationship Is Healthy

The beginning of a relationship is often a beautiful time. Discovering the other person, feeling desired, having stars in your eyes and butterflies in your stomach. But all that often masks an inner turmoil: doubts and the multitude of questions we ask ourselves. Have I found the right person? Can I fall in love without fear? What if it’s another toxic relationship? Making a commitment isn’t an easy thing, but now that we’ve learned to spot the red flags, so we don’t get made a fool of again, let’s take a look at the green flags. The good signs that give the green light to a beautiful story!

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack