How To Tell A Narcissist You Want A Divorce

Last updated by Katie M.

If you are currently married to a narcissist and no longer want to continue your relationship, you may feel overwhelmed and no doubt a little trapped. Let’s face it, breaking up with someone is never simple, but the task is certainly even tougher when your spouse is a narcissist and is used to controlling you. Turning the tables on him and asking for a divorce will definitely throw him off track, but it is an essential step in you getting your freedom back, as well as reconnecting with the ‘old you’. It’s about time you started writing your new chapter, don’t you think? Find out how to get through this difficult time and how to break the news to him.

How To Tell A Narcissist You Want A Divorce

As in many cases, you probably didn’t realize that your ex was a raging abuser when you first got together. You no doubt believed he was just protective, worried about your safety, and wanted to be involved every step of the way because he loved you so much. And hey, those qualities may have even fueled your desire for him at first; after all, there’s no crime in that. But, fast-forward however many years later, and your husband has likely become unbearable, overly controlling, manipulative, and even violent. If this rings a bell, and you’ve decided that enough is enough, here’s what you need to do to ask him for a divorce. No matter what your situation is; if you have children together, or a mortgage, know that there is always a way out and that you don’t deserve to suffer anymore.

>>> Discover the 10 most common reasons for divorce

5 Steps towards telling your narcissistic husband you want a divorce

Follow these tips to prepare yourself for the next stage of your life.

1) Develop a steely mindset first

Starting a divorce process with anyone can be taxing, but people with narcissistic personality disorders aren’t just your average Joe’s, and definitely have what it takes to plunge you into hell along the way… When you walk away from a manipulative partner, you need to feel strong and believe you are capable of going at things on your own. In reality, they won’t hesitate to use every dirty trick in the book to get you to change your mind. Preparing yourself for the ups and downs will see you through this dark tunnel.

2) You need a plan in place

Before evoking your desire to leave, you need a solid plan in place, and this includes living arrangements and knowing which divorce lawyer you want to hire to help you through. These essential points need to be addressed before you approach this delicate topic with your partner. Indeed, if you jump the gun and blurt out that you want a divorce without having gained the relevant legal advice, you could provoke earth-shattering narcissistic rage and therefore put yourself in danger. Plus, being prepared will give you the upper hand in the situation!

3) Decide where you want to tell your partner

Are you comfortable having to break the news to your partner at home, or would you prefer to do so in a public place? Plus, you’ll also need to consider if you want to address the matter alone, or with the support of a close friend or family member, for example. Building up to serving your spouse with divorce papers is a tough ask, so you need to feel comfortable in your environment.

>>> Read about how being in a narcissistic relationship changed me

4) Use concise sentences

When breaking the news, you need to ensure you are direct and to the point. There is no time to be evasive and wishy-washy because you need to get your point across clearly and fairly quickly too. The more you embellish what you have to say, the more opportunities you’ll give your soon-to-be-ex to convince you to stay. Changing your mind will be his ultimate goal here, so make sure you’re ready to deflect his attempts.

5) Grow a thick skin

Dealing with a narcissist will undoubtedly cause you a fair amount of pain and mental health strains, but you need to be prepared to face whatever they have up their sleeves for you. Leaving an abusive partner will never be smooth sailing and is likely to awaken the darkest dimensions of their twisted personalities, meaning nothing will be out of bounds. The bottom line is, they’ll try anything to get back at you because, in their eyes, you are destroying their whole world by taking back the power.

How does a narcissist react to divorce?

It is in the nature of a narcissist to believe that they are always superior to others and to refuse any criticism. If you make the decision to end your marriage, you are going against them. In this case, they may reveal the worst of themselves.

In general, there are certain characteristics that many toxic personalities exhibit in the context of a breakup:

  • Power play: A narcissist will do whatever it takes to get what they want. To this end, they may use power plays to force you to do what they want. And even worse, could influence their offspring to achieve their ends. Whether it's through money or threats, ... all means are good to achieve their goals, even if it may hurt their own family.
  • Planning in their personal interest: Their interests come first, and they will organize themselves in order to satisfy them, sometimes to the detriment of their loved ones.
  • Manipulation of feelings: They will always try to blame you for the mistakes in your marriage
  • Victimization: If they do not succeed, the narcissistic pervert will use emotional blackmail. They may be very kind to the judges in order to prove that they are suffering from the situation and that they are the victim.
  • Harassment: Without being violent, they may harass you on a daily basis so that you break down first. The harassment is then of a moral nature with home visits, incessant phone calls, text messages, letters, etc.

Will a narcissist accept divorce?

A narcissist's reaction to divorce can vary depending on many factors, including personality, beliefs, and relationship dynamics. Here are some possible scenarios:

  • Refusal and resistance: Narcissists generally have a strong aversion to failure and loss of control. If divorce is perceived as a threat to their self-image or power, they may resist aggressively or manipulatively. They may try to manipulate the situation to maintain control, using tactics of devaluation, emotional blackmail, or sabotage.
  • Revenge-seeking: A narcissistic person may react with anger, resentment, and a desire for revenge in the face of divorce. They may seek to inflict emotional pain, tarnish the other person's reputation, or use legal means to gain advantage or harm their spouse.
  • Indifference or devaluation: In some cases, a narcissist may react with apparent indifference or devaluation during a divorce. This may be a strategy to minimize the significance of the separation or to conceal their own feelings of vulnerability. They may show a lack of empathy or ignore their partner's emotional needs.

Will a narcissist ever ask for a divorce?

The most plausible reason which justifies why a narcissist will demand a divorce is that they believe that their current partner or prey is no longer worthy of them, or good enough to feed their narcissistic needs. What is ironic here, is that a narcissist leaves their former prey, not because they want to improve themselves and change, but instead to find someone weaker in order to manipulate.

Do narcissists move on quickly after divorce?

It's possible for a narcissistic person to bounce back relatively quickly after a divorce, but this depends on a number of factors. Here are some points to consider:

  • Resources and support networks: Narcissists may have a strong support network or financial resources that enable them to bounce back quickly after a divorce. They may be adept at self-promotion and seeking new sources of approval and admiration, which can help them bounce back more quickly.
  • Adaptability: Narcissists tend to be highly resilient and quick to adapt to new circumstances. They are often motivated by maintaining their self-image, and can quickly focus on new goals or relationships to regain a sense of control and satisfaction.
  • Lack of remorse or deep reflection: Narcissists tend to have a poor capacity for acknowledging wrongdoing or showing genuine remorse. As a result, they may not experience the same feelings of sadness or loss after a divorce. Instead, they may focus on their own needs and interests, minimizing the emotional impact of the separation.
  • Seeking new sources of approval: Narcissistic people may quickly seek new sources of approval and admiration to maintain their self-esteem. They may enter into new relationships, embark on new projects, or focus on their careers to gain the external validation that is so important to them.

It's important to note that even if a narcissistic person seems to bounce back quickly, this doesn't necessarily mean they're emotionally healed or that they've resolved the problems underlying their narcissism. Narcissistic behavior and thought patterns can persist and have repercussions in future relationships.

Editor’s opinion - The road to divorce has never been trickier

Getting divorced is a life-changing moment, but it can be emotionally damaging for all parties involved. Getting to the point where you actually get to sign divorce papers with your manipulative and abusive ex may be a long and eventful road, but it will sure be worth it. You’ll certainly be faced with tough obstacles along the way, but remember, your freedom is something you need to fight for, so don’t let anything your ex does make you change your mind.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!


Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Katie M.

🌻 Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

How To Get Revenge On A Narcissist?

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most horrific challenges anyone can ever go through in life, but that’s not to say that their reign of terror will last forever. Evidently, breaking the cycle of abuse isn’t exactly straightforward, however, once the discard phase has been activated and victims realize that they can walk away with their heads held high, the revenge phase can commence 😈. Unsurprisingly, getting even with a raging egocentric narcissist needs to be carefully planned, but ironically, their self-centered personalities expose to many axes of revenge, which will evidently really get to them…

Are Narcissists Lonely?

Loneliness is one of society’s biggest enemies, and none of us are exempt from it, not even the most devilish of narcissists out there. In fact, throughout the Coronavirus pandemic, 36% of Americans claimed that they have never felt lonelier, which sets a scary benchmark for the wider population 😔. Now, lots of us would no doubt immediately assume that narcissists are too independent and strong-willed to feel alone, however, the truth is they are often the biggest victims of loneliness, yet simply have trouble expressing their inner malaise.

"Nobody Likes Me"

Never invited to parties, never listened to or solicited... It feels like you're just an ordinary person, who is pushed aside and has no value. If this is the case, we often end up coming to the sad conclusion that "nobody likes us! But, why do we think this? Now, this thought does not reflect reality, it hides deeper issues that need to be worked on to detach ourselves from this heavy feeling. Everyone deserves to be loved, including us!

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. 😱 You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing?

Kissing is a deeply intimate act, and although in popular culture it is often classed as only being worthy of first base, it does in fact go way beyond that toxic evaluation. We have no doubt all had at least one lingering kiss that we’ll never forget; one which left all of our senses tingling and hungry for more. 💏 Well, that memorable smooch left us reminiscing because it was sincere and meant something. In short, it encapsulated love and romance, which are two things that narcissists are quite simply incapable of feeling.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. 💔 However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do Narcissists Play The Victim?

If you have ever had the displeasure of encountering someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, then you’ll no doubt already know how manipulative they are. Indeed, these folks despise taking responsibility for their actions and will do whatever it takes to avoid taking the rap for them, including play the victim. That’s right, these master puppeteers won’t hold back on pulling the strings and changing the narrative so that it suits them. Plus, they know exactly how to turn the waterworks when they want to get people on side.

I Have A Problem With Authority, Argh!

With all the orders my parents gave me, I thought I was armed for school, but as soon as I was at pre-school, my parents were summoned because I refused to do what the teacher told me. As I grew up, it became increasingly difficult to tell my manager where to get off, summoning my parents was no longer an option, but the intolerance to authority remained. Can we reconcile ourselves with authority, whether it is a silent or uncontrollable difficulty?

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack