What does it mean when a man claims his ex-girlfriend was crazy?
Well, when a guy says this, it can mean a lot of things that I didn't know how to decipher before. When men would say that to me, I initially used to feel like he had been in a toxic relationship with a manipulative woman and I would think "oh poor guy 😳". But now I’ve come to realize that it was more the other way around. I think Natalie Portman hit the nail on the head here, during her speech at Power of Women, she said, "If a man tells you a woman is crazy or a pain in the ass, ask him: what did you do to her to make her that way?".
The translation of "my ex is nuts."
When I hear a man say this, I now translate it this way: "I led her on, played with her emotions and destroyed her sanity. Now I'm making her out to be crazy when she was rightfully hurt, but I’ll go ahead demonizing her anyway."
⚠️ In short, this is narcissistic behavior, so it is best to avoid this type of man. By the way, this phrase is on my list of red flags. Basically, these are the danger signals that you need to run away from someone who is completely unhealthy.
A sexist language tic
To label a woman "crazy" or hysterical is a common tactic to discredit her emotions and experiences 😠. Men often use this term to absolve themselves and put the blame on women. Using this term to describe women in a romantic relationship speaks volumes about male behavior 🙄...
Why should we run away from a man who says this to us?
Besides reflecting sexist behavior, which is already an excuse to run away, I now have a list of reasons written in my mind that keep me from getting involved.
👉 Because he doesn't question himself.
If he's telling us this when the relationship isn't even committed, it gives us a big clue for what's next: there will be no second-guessing on his part. He's not going to question why he was hurtful or why he hurt our emotions. In short, for him, everything has to go his way 🤦♀️.
👉 Because he is immature
It's very childish behavior to blame the failure of the relationship on the person who can't speak from their perspective. This goes hand in hand with a lack of questioning! This lack of maturity is recurrent in manipulators, they feel that it is others who have to adapt to them.
👉 Because he doesn't own up to his mistakes
Sometimes we do things that we are not proud of. Some may even lead to a breakup, but you have to step back and take ownership. It's really a difficult exercise since you have to introspect and have a neutral eye. But it shows how much we decide to take into account all aspects of our personality, unlike a man who blatantly refuses to 👀.
👉 Because he can be violent.
I'm not necessarily talking about physical abuse, but more psychological abuse. It's legitimate to wonder what the person did to cause the "ex" for her to behave so extremely. In my past relationships, I have had exes who manipulated me and made me feel so miserable... Yes, people can indeed be violent with words too.
💡 Practical tip time 💡 - How to regain your self-confidence if your ex talks badly about youPutting someone down is a form of psychological harassment! Your ex may be a narcissistic pervert or a manipulator. His or her words or actions are designed to devalue you and shatter your confidence, so that you're at his or her mercy. This can lead to you becoming withdrawn and/or losing your bearings. You're probably suffering from a lack of self-confidence as a result of this repetitive belittling.
So to regain your self-confidence, stop listening to these hurtful words. When you hear your ex talking to you, don't hesitate to take a step back and take stock of what can bring you happiness and well-being. So, take up sport, change your hairstyle, upgrade your wardrobe... Whatever solution you opt for, you need to think about yourself and do things that will make you feel better about yourself and therefore help you assert yourself in the face of an ex who talks badly.
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The phrase you want to hear: "we had differences ..."
Like, I said, it took me a while to realize that "my ex was crazy" was a problematic phrase. It wasn't until I talked to one of these famous ex-girlfriends that my partner dated that I realized the gravity of the problem. All the behaviors he was blaming her for were actually his responsibility. So, now I can confidently say that I prefer a man who tells me "We have had our differences, but I respect her and wish her the best". It's much more mature and much sexier. Most of all, it shows that he's a healthy person, which is why it's part of my green flags 💚!
Is it a red flag if someone calls their ex crazy?
Yes! When a guy declares that his ex-girlfriend was crazy, this is a massive red flag and suggests that he isn’t ready to accept his responsibilities. Everyone has their own definition of what red flags are, however, denial should definitely be one of them. Calling someone crazy is very insulting and implies that they are not in a headspace to be able to accept their wrongdoings.
Is it a red flag if he talks about his ex a lot?
It may seem obvious, but the first thing to do is to listen to what he's saying and decode what's behind it. What exactly was he talking to you about? Did he sound melancholy, grateful or angry? Did he seem to want to get his ex back or to have a friendly relationship with her? When it comes to ex-boyfriends, there's only one rule that's immutable: you can't generalize! Talking about your ex can be a sign of your desire to win her back, or a sign of trust. If your ex has become a friend or is still part of your life, it's a good sign that he's told you. On the one hand, it's a sign of honesty, and on the other, it's better to know from the start than to find out after six months.
The opinion of the editors: We’re all someone’s crazy exYou’ve no doubt already got the message, but it is necessary to be attentive to this kind of speech, which says a lot about the individual you have in front of you. Let's not forget that we are all the crazy ex. of someone, right? Although, the individuals that make such claims are likely to drag you into a toxic relationship that will destroy you psychologically. If you have any doubts about your relationship or the person you are dating, don't hesitate to talk to a psychologist.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... It's here and now! #BornToBeMe
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