How Being With A Narcissist Changes You, From My Experience

Last updated by Katie M.

Now, after years of taking active steps to move on and recover from this ordeal, I’ve finally found the strength to say that I was in an abusive relationship for over 2 years. Dating my abusive ex broke me for a certain period, but it always made me want to pick myself up and encouraged me to start living my life for myself. You’ve guessed it, being in a toxic relationship was both my downfall and my motivation for rising back up again. Despite feeling much stronger after turning the page on the manipulative behavior, being with my narcissistic ex has certainly changed me in just about every way possible, but getting to this point has been a journey.

How Being With A Narcissist Changes You, From My Experience
Contents:

My experience of dating a narcissist definitely wasn’t pretty…

If manipulation was an Olympic sport, then my ex-partner would have won gold with next to no effort. Over the years, he had managed to cut me off from lots of my friends and family members, leaving me completely isolated, vulnerable, and with no one to talk to about what I was going through. Of course, I couldn’t speak to him about my feelings, and suggest working on our issues because his lack of empathy meant he was incapable of taking my emotions into consideration. Plus, his sense of entitlement ensured he was unable to put anyone else first or even feign interest.

He destroyed my inner peace over the years

As a champion gas lighter, my narcissistic partner always made me feel guilty about everything and anything. He’d always refuse to take responsibility when we argued, and was way too proud to ever apologize for his wrongdoings. The bottom line is that he made my life a living hell and totally crushed my spirit and soul with his spiteful remarks, childish games, and intimidating threats. I’d never really had much luck in love or long-term relationships, so I often found myself making excuses for him in hope of things working out. 

Ashamed

The final straw for me was when he humiliated me in front of all my coworkers at an office dinner party. I think being made to feel so insignificant and small pushed me to take action, break up with him, and above all seek treatment for the scars he had inflicted on me.

> Discover the traits of a narcissist here <

5 Ways being in a narcissistic relationship changed me forever

1) I developed serious trust issues

When you’ve loved someone with an abusive personality, trusting is definitely an ordeal afterward. No matter how genuine and perfect people may seem, you’ll always have that little voice in your head, whispering to you that you are about to be duped and taken in again. People with NPD are masters in the art of lying and deceit, and after being under their thumb for an extensive amount of time, you’ll be forgiven for being suspicious of anyone new that you meet. After all, my ex never showed his true colors at the beginning of our relationship and I naively actually thought he was the perfect partner because he seemed so interested in me. Looking back, I now realize it was a case of him exercising control over me.

2) My mental health worsened

For months after breaking up with my narcissistic pervert ex, I felt down in the dumps, depressed and generally unmotivated. I didn’t want to do anything and felt completely empty inside. Even the simplest of tasks like getting out of bed and getting dressed became unthinkable challenges that took virtually all of my strength to accomplish. Dealing with a narcissist for so many years had completely exhausted me and turned me into someone that, scarily, I barely recognized. After finally seeking help, my mental health improved and my therapist played a huge role in helping me put my experiences into perspective.

3) My confidence slipped away

I’ve never been the most confident person around, but now my self-esteem has definitely taken a huge hit. Even though I’ve always been relatively shy, before dating my ex, I felt comfortable talking in public and meeting new people, however now it’s a totally different story. Now I struggle to deal with people’s opinions and constantly worry about not being good enough. It seems that years of being criticized on a daily basis has certainly had an impact on me and my self-image and perception.

4) I found it hard to connect with people afterward

The truth is, I felt embarrassed and almost ashamed of what I’d allowed myself to go through. I’d always considered myself as being a strong and independent woman, so how could I have let this happen to me? How could I have missed the red flags along the way? And, how could I ever work up the courage to tell my friends and family what I’d endured for so long? Surely they’d think I was weak or, even worse, completely crazy to have accepted to live through this form of hell. In fact, having such a hard time opening up is what encouraged me to consult an impartial professional.

5) I’ve now decided that I’ll always put myself first

One of the biggest positives to emerge from this chapter in my life is that it taught me that I needed to put myself first before anyone else. Now, I know that this might sound a little selfish, but I just can’t allow myself to slip back to that dark place where I constantly felt threatened, afraid, and worthless. Whether it’s in relationships or a friendship, I need to consider my feelings first and do everything possible to preserve my mental health. I’ve worked too hard to get to a healthy place, and I’m not prepared to let my efforts go to waste.

Can being with a narcissist turn you into one?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist won’t turn you into one, but it will leave you with plenty of scars. Narcissistic personalities are formed in childhood, therefore no adult can just become one from one day to the next. Let's face it, we all develop wounds during our childhood. No one escapes them, but we all learn to deal with them differently, depending on our experiences and our education. In the case of toxic personalities, this wound seriously taints their self-esteem. So much so that they feel weak, worthless, and inferior to others, but they can't stand the idea of being vulnerable. So much so that they try to build a huge shell to avoid suffering from this deep inferiority complex. They bury their most beautiful emotions far away, leaving only anger, rage, envy, jealousy, and so on. They also have a lot of fears related to their pain, but also related to the false identity they are constructing.

What is the aftermath of being with a narcissist?

The end of a toxic relationship with a narcissist leaves you very fragile psychologically. Once you have stopped being afraid, and you have physically freed yourself from his or her hold, it is necessary to relearn how to listen to yourself and to take care of yourself, in order to recover from the trauma you have experienced and to regain your balance.

Here are the 5 essential steps to rebuild yourself after the relationship:

  • Recognize yourself as a victim
  • Identify your ego wounds and heal them
  • Dare to desire
  • Learn non-violent communication (NVC)
  • Tame the change, your transformation

Editor’s opinion — Being in a narcissistic relationship will inevitably lead to heartbreak

Having a narcissist in your life is harmful, but being in a relationship with one is even more dangerous and soul-destroying. Although there are different levels of this behavior, when these people feel threatened, they’ll do anything to get their own way and won’t think twice about wrecking your mental health and making you feel terrible about yourself. A relationship with someone suffering from this disorder can never be healthy, so it’s best to cut things off as quickly as possible and go your own separate ways. Although walking away will be painful at the beginning, you’ll soon realize that it’s for the best.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

More articles for you to check out:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Leave a comment

Read our latest articles here:

Psychological Abuse: Identify It To Get Out Of It

A little belittling remark here, minimizing our emotions there... So many little things that show us that we’re being psychologically abused. It may seem trivial, but that’s the problem. We downplay it too much, which makes it the most common type of abuse. So, how do you identify psychological abuse? What should you do if you’re a victim? Let’s explain.

Behavioral Disorders: The List & Their Definitions

I suffer from an eating disorder, and several people around me have a mood disorder. I’m not completely unfamiliar with behavioral disorders, or at least not these. However, there are several types of disorders and they can even affect sexual behavior. So how do you define them? Here’s a list and some definitions related to behavioral disorders.

How Do Narcissists Behave Sexually?

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover how they behave in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

I Constantly Need Recognition

Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like I do things according to others. My choices and my behavior have long been dictated by the approval of others. As I’ve got older, I’ve learned to assert myself and detach myself from what others might think of my actions. Why do we constantly seek this validation, and how can we get rid of this need for recognition when it becomes toxic? Having been there myself, I’ll explain it all to you!

How To Camouflage Your Cellulite At The Beach

You were well on your way. You were holding on, motivated by the idea of finally having a bikini body this year. But then the lockdowns and the laziness all hit you at once... That’s right, your cellulite is still there and not ready to leave just yet. But guess what?! Cellulite is like a little pimple, either we own it, or we resort to using tricks to camouflage it.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do We Always Need To Have The Last Word?

Today, I’m focussing on a habit that drives me crazy: wanting to have the last word. It’s probably because I’m not very good at comebacks or self-confident enough that I’m both fascinated and annoyed by people who always want to be right. But why do they always want to have the last word? What’s behind it?

I Still Suck My Thumb As An Adult

In general, thumb sucking ends around the age of 6. I say “in general” and not “normally”, because as an adult I don’t feel weird or particularly bothered by it. When I get stressed, I allow myself to let go and return to my childhood self by sucking my thumb. Those who know about it or catch me by surprise make me realize I should be ashamed… But is this habit a big deal? What if it makes me feel better? It’s certainly no worse than lighting up a cigarette or biting your nails…

Why Do Hugs And Physical Contact Make Me Feel Uncomfortable?

There are people who don’t like to be touched at all, and who are almost disgusted by physical contact. There are people who like to caress and be caressed for anything and everything, and there are people like me who always recoil when someone tries to touch them. Why do I shy away from physical contact? What if it’s all linked to the past?

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack