10 signs your mom is a narcissist
Have you ever wondered if your mom’s behavior might be more than just overbearing? Growing up with a narcissistic mother can be emotionally draining and deeply impactful on your self-esteem. Recognizing the signs is the first step to understanding your relationship and protecting your mental health. Here are 10 telltale signs that your mom might be a narcissist.
1) She wants to control your every move and decision
If your mom insists on being involved in every aspect of your life—whether it’s your choice of college, career, or even where you live—it could be a sign of a toxic relationship. While having a hands-on mom can be helpful, it doesn’t give her the right to overstep boundaries or dictate your life. Narcissistic moms often feel entitled to control their children’s decisions, leaving little room for independence.
2) She disapproves of all your friends and partners
No matter who you bring into your life, she’s never satisfied. Narcissistic moms criticize your choices to undermine your independence and keep you reliant on their approval. In her eyes, no one is ever good enough for her child—unless, of course, she decides so.
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3) Narcissistic moms rarely say, "I love you"
If you struggle to recall moments of affection from your mom, it could be a sign of narcissism. Narcissistic mothers often fail to express love or provide emotional support, leaving their children feeling neglected. Hugs, kind words, and encouragement may have been rare in your childhood because she was too focused on herself.
4) She puts you down
From criticizing your appearance to making hurtful comments about your achievements, narcissistic moms use negativity to chip away at your self-esteem. These remarks aren’t just slips of the tongue—they’re calculated attempts to maintain control and keep you feeling inadequate.
5) She manipulates your feelings and opinions
Narcissistic mothers are masters of manipulation. They’ll spread rumors, invent stories, or twist the truth to keep you under their influence. Their need for control drives them to use any means necessary to maintain power over their children.
6) She won’t support you
Whether it’s a new job or a promotion, a narcissistic mom will find ways to downplay your achievements. Her lack of support often stems from jealousy—she doesn’t want others to see you as more successful than her. Instead of encouragement, you’ll likely face criticism or doubt.
7) She pretends her behavior is "tough love"
When confronted about her actions, a narcissistic mom will turn the tables and make you feel like the problem. She’ll claim her criticism is "tough love," refusing to take responsibility for her hurtful behavior. This gaslighting tactic leaves you questioning your own feelings and reality.
8) She lies constantly
Narcissistic moms are habitual liars. They distort the truth to serve their narrative, making it difficult to trust anything they say. Over time, you may find yourself doubting whether she’s ever been honest with you.
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9) She guilt-trips you
Making you feel guilty is one of her favorite tactics. By painting herself as a victim, she shifts the focus away from her toxic behavior and makes you question your own actions. This manipulation keeps you trapped in a cycle of guilt and obligation.
10) She’ll never apologize
A narcissistic mom will never admit fault or say, "I’m sorry." Her inability to take responsibility for her actions is a hallmark of her personality, leaving you to shoulder the emotional burden of the relationship.
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How to deal with a narcissistic mother: 5 effective strategies
Dealing with a narcissistic mother can feel overwhelming, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself and improve your relationship. Here are five proven techniques:
- 1) Set boundaries: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and what crosses the line. Stick to your boundaries to maintain your emotional well-being.
- 2) Stay calm: Don’t let her words or actions provoke you. Take the high road and avoid engaging in unnecessary arguments.
- 3) Seek professional help: Talking to a therapist can provide valuable tools and support to navigate the challenges of your relationship.
- 4) Lower your expectations: Accept that she may never change, and adjust your expectations to avoid constant disappointment.
- 5) Take back control: Reevaluate her influence in your life and focus on becoming the decision-maker for your own happiness.
>>> Read; Do we have to love our parents?
What’s the difference between a controlling mom and a narcissistic mom?
While controlling and narcissistic moms may share some similarities, their motivations and behaviors differ. Narcissistic moms prioritize their own needs and self-image, often using their children to boost their self-esteem. They lack empathy and expect constant admiration, making their relationships emotionally exploitative.
In contrast, controlling moms often act out of fear or overprotectiveness. They may impose strict rules or make decisions for their children in an attempt to shield them from failure. While their intentions may be well-meaning, their behavior can still stifle their children’s independence and self-confidence.
Both types of behavior can have lasting effects on a child’s emotional well-being, making it essential to set boundaries and prioritize self-care.
How to walk away from a narcissistic mother
Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to distance yourself from a toxic relationship. Here are steps to help you walk away from a narcissistic mother:
- Recognize her behavior: Learn about narcissism to better understand her actions and avoid internalizing her manipulation.
- Set clear boundaries: Decide what you will and won’t tolerate, and take steps to protect yourself from harmful interactions.
- Prioritize your well-being: Focus on activities and relationships that bring you joy and support your emotional health.
- Limit communication: Reduce contact if necessary, whether that means fewer phone calls, less face-to-face interaction, or blocking certain forms of communication.
Editor’s opinion: Sometimes walking away is the healthiest choiceMaintaining a relationship with a narcissistic parent can be emotionally exhausting. If your mom’s behavior is damaging your mental health, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Life is too short to spend it with people who drag you down, even if they’re family. 🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, and be happy... Let’s do it here and now! #BornToBeMe Connect with an advisor |
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This helps so much. I feel like I can never be right with my mother. I will definitely be paying attention to the signs.
Kaitlyn Forno, 2 years ago