What Does A Narcissist Want In A Relationship? Their Essential Criteria

Last updated by Katie M.

We often like to believe that love is a sweet mixture of flowers, hearts, and rainbows, although, at points, there is a much darker and devious side to dating than it would appear. As someone who has previously dated a narcissist, I can definitely attest to the dangers of being with someone who lacks empathy and never feels guilty for their actions poses to our mental health. Unfortunately, people with this personality type are experts in the field of toxic and abusive relationships, but do you have any idea of what they are really looking for? In any case, I hate to break it to you, but they certainly aren’t looking for real love…

What Does A Narcissist Want In A Relationship? Their Essential Criteria
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Toxic relationships are always incredibly dangerous for both our mental health and self-esteem. A narcissistic partner, unfortunately, has all the criteria necessary to ruin our lives with their manipulation tactics and cleverly thought out abuse, yet many of us (myself included) fall for their charming wit. In my case, I remained blind to the narcissistic abuse my ex subjected me to for years and struggled to understand what it was about his personality that bothered so many of my friends and family. The bottom line is I was totally brainwashed and so used to his poor treatment that I’d become immune to it. Now that I’m in a healthy long-term relationship, I’ve decided I want to share what these folks look for when it comes to love.

>>> Discover how to break up with a narcissistic pervert

8 Things a narcissist wants in a romantic relationship

Everyone has their own criteria when it comes to relationships, so without further ado, here’s what a narcissist dreams of finding in a partner.

1) To feel invincible

Their intense sense of entitlement means that they constantly need to feel powerful and untouchable. In fact, it’s not even that they want to feel this way, they demand to feel it! They look for a partner who will allow them to take center stage and defend their actions if ever necessary because after all, it’s totally out of the question for them to ever accept responsibility for their untoward actions.

2) To feel idolized

Narcissistic traits mean that these people thrive off of being told how special, how clever and how good-looking they are. They need their ego to constantly be inflated and absolutely have to feel like the best, which is why they look for partners who willingly feed into their delusions of being perfect.

3) Opportunities to manipulate

I’m about to get really brutally honest here, so prepare yourself for the following statement; love doesn’t exist for these people! There, I’ve said it, and as sad as it may seem, it’s completely true. For them, love is just a means to an end and gives them the chance to sink their claws into people for their own personal amusement and gain. Manipulation is like fuel to them, and they’ll look for ways to exercise their underhanded influence everywhere they go.

>>> This article might interest you; Can a narcissist love you?

4) A chance to improve their social status

Everything works on a smoke and mirrors basis with these folks, which explains why they insist on faking it until they actually make it. They like others to believe that they lead lavish lifestyles, which are worthy of magazine covers, when the truth is they are deeply unhappy with their situations. If they manage to find a partner who they believe can elevate their living standards, you can count on them seizing the opportunity with both hands.

5) Unfailing loyalty and dedication

After all, if they want to keep their occult practices and levels of manipulation under wraps, they need to be able to count on the infallible discretion of their partners. Being exposed for what they truly are is completely out of the question, which is why they carefully analyze the types of personalities they choose to date.

6) Opportunities for forgiveness

People with this mental disorder will always look for ways to wriggle out of things and need to feel reassured that the option for forgiveness is available in a relationship. They need to feel that they can run from situations unscathed and remain in control at all costs. Plus, having an understanding and sympathetic partner gives them the confidence that they can do exactly what they want.

7) They want their own way

This will hardly be a surprise to you, but narcissists love being in control and are never truly willing to relinquish it, despite their pleas and promises to change. They need to feel like they are in the driving seat at all times, and the same principle applies to their romantic relationships; here they need to be the ones making the decisions.

>>> Read up on what narcissists hate

8) A no questions asked situation

This point ties into the precedent in the sense that these folks never like to be asked or called out about their actions and why they act in certain ways. For them, the more leeway and freedom they have, the better! They won’t stand for their relationships imprisoning them and will go to extreme lengths to avoid this situation.

How do you keep a narcissist in love?

If you are going to play with a manipulator to get them to stay in love with you, you will need to know the strategy adopted by narcissists to make them believe that everything is going according to their plan. To begin with, you will have to attract the person's attention by sending them signs that clearly indicate that you are interested. Before continuing, it is important to specify that you must have a large dose of self-confidence as well as a profile capable of differentiating between flattery and real amorous intentions.

The narcissist seeks adoration, so they will respond to your call. You will then have to pretend to ignore them after a first good contact. Once they have gained your trust, the narcissist will start to devalue your profile and try to break your confidence. To avoid the situation where the narcissist breaks your trust, you must make the first phase last as long as possible. Make them believe that their intentions really affect you, while remaining shy with a wall up that prevents them from learning more about you. However, assure them of your intentions, reassure them and ask them to make more effort to win you over.

Over time, if they stay, the profile of the narcissist will change into someone who enjoys your company, but wants to leave because they can't break your confidence. They will then be divided between the love you have for them and the pleasure they spend in your company, which should gradually transform this relationship

Editor’s opinion - Unfortunately, they don’t know the meaning of love...

People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder don’t view love in a traditional sense, although many of them like to be in relationships because they offer them a certain sense of security and reassurance. Plus, they often like to challenge themselves into making their partner their own personal plaything and seeing how far they can push them without being dumped and exposed for that matter of fact. If you are in a toxic relationship, keep in mind that you are never alone and that mental health professionals are always there to help and guide you.
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