Over time, acquaintances have replaced real friends
In the schoolyard, I made friends in no time at all. A brief presentation was enough for us, then we make up our secret handshake and the deal was done. We’d remain there for each other until death do us part, or more realistically until the end of high school.
Then came college, with its classes of 150 students (whose names I never remembered) and its 30 hours of shared lectures, whilst all the students sat in silence, before leaving each one alone. It’s true, as we grow up, we develop a certain mistrust towards others, when it's not a matter of rivalry between girls, or a difficulty to open up with those you don't know very well, it's hard to forge ties!
Today as an adult, I don't have any friends, although for my that means that I don’t have people I consider as my sisters, like lots of people around me. But, I’m not exactly lonely either because I have a lot of people I chat with at work, at the coffee shop, or while practicing my hobbies. Plus, I never seem to spend a Saturday night alone, crying into a tub of ice cream.
>>> Discover the 10 signs your friendships aren't healthy
Whose fault is it? Are my actions to blame?
Certain folks often find themselves wind up with no friends because they are simply unfriendly. They’re always grumbling, judging others and dwelling on details. They are probably too closed-minded to even start a conversation, which all in all makes them hard to approach... Their company is neither recommended nor desired, although, the good news is that it can be worked on.
I could also have no close girlfriends out of choice, especially if I am an introverted solitary being, with selfish tendencies. Like people who have chosen to remain single, I like to do things my own way and I don't need anyone else. I prefer to go to the mall alone and at my own pace. At the theater or in a restaurant, I often feel better off without the presence of someone constantly talking to me.
If I don’t find myself in any of these cases, then it may also be that I have difficulties to reach out to others. Perhaps shyness gets the better of me and that I need to work on my self-esteem too? But for that too, there are therapies.
>>> Read up on our tips to make new friends as an adult
To grow up is to create one's own life...
It is in this sense that I've decided not to blame myself... Now that I have become an adult, I am able to realize that it is not serious problem if I want to distance myself from others. Everyone has their own life and their own occupations!
The secret of happiness is to rely on yourself and follow your own desires. I settled in a city that I like and chose to step out of my comfort zone. I also chose my job and my activities according to what I liked and what I was good at. For me, this is the best way to avoid disappointment.
Thanks to my partner (who, by the way, often involves me into his circle of pals) or my close family, I am never really alone. I can't predict who I will talk to later, and whether the people I've been with for a drink afterwards will be the same ones tomorrow.
>>> Find out what I do when I feel lonely
The editor’s opinion - You really only have two close friends
Today, more and more people recognize that they don't have "real" friends beyond their social network contacts. The accumulation of false ties is be at the expense of closer friendships. Dr. Will Reader, PhD in Psychology, points out that ‘when friendships are born outside the virtual world, the virtual world can help maintain relationships, but real connections are scarce and valuable. That's why it's important to take a step toward reaching out to others and return to simple, sincere relationships.’
In any case, don't feel guilty because most adults only have two close friends and this doesn't make them weird or odd. Life is made up of encounters and we must take advantage of the present moment and enjoy time with the people who are on our paths.
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