Should I Stay Friends With My Ex, Or Cut Them Off Totally?

Last updated by Katie M.

At a time when people’s love lives are multiplying by the second, we sometimes find ourselves with exes that we don’t really know what to do with. Which category should we assign them to? For some this situation is a source of intense pain meaning blocking and deleting them become our only option, however, others prefer to remain in contact and even go on to become good friends. Everything really depends on how things ended and if anyone was at fault. Although, even if you ended up being betrayed, can you possibly get over these feelings?

Should I Stay Friends With My Ex, Or Cut Them Off Totally?
Contents

Today, 32% of people are still in contact with one or more of their exes, after all, it is possible to stop loving someone but stay friends. Yes, you’ve no doubt already heard of the term sex friends or friends with benefits, but have you heard of "ex friends"?! In love, no two situations are the same, which is why we’ve listed the pros and cons of friendship between exes. Now it's up to you to make the right choice based on your own situation! 

>>> Check out: Help, I'm way too nice

What are the pros and cons of becoming friends with your ex partner?

The pros - Why you ought to remain cordial with an old flame:

  • If you have children together, maintaining a good relationship with your ex can be essential; hence being friends is a step you are free to make!
  • It's always nice to have someone around who knows you well and with whom you share common memories. Just like any friend would...
  • Staying friends could help fill a void and give you the impression that you aren’t completely separating. Although, there is a good chance that once the void is filled, you will surely lose sight of yourself.

The cons - Why shouldn't you stay friends with an ex?:

  • You might want to avoid striking up a friendship with them if you plan on dating anytime soon. Dragging a bunch of exes behind you is not very reassuring for a potential suitor.
  • Because it allows you to get over the break-up and to be realistic about your single status so that you don't get stuck in the past.
  • Why would a failed relationship ever turn into a successful friendship? Whatever the reasons for a break-up, it is hard to imagine that what didn't work in a relationship could work in a friendly relationship.
  • Because being in love with your friend is not a good idea. After a break-up you can feel sad, angry and even still be in love. Staying friends with someone you still love is like being in love with a friend, and that almost never ends well.

5 Signs your ex still has feelings for you

Generally, love begins - in most cases - with attraction to someone and a feeling of love for someone. So, before you decide if that person is worthy of your love, try to determine if they love you. If you don't start there, by planting that seed, there will never be a love relationship between you. So the first thing to do is to try to find out if he still loves you. Find out if you can still call him your man and if you can continue to share a house, or if you are too far apart; an emotional distance can be much more significant than a physical distance.

To find out if he still loves you, look for the following signs:

1. He or she calls or texts you frequently

When you love someone, try to make sure that person is happy and show your interest in their life. Keep up with the ups and downs, and provide comfort if needed, because this person is important to you.

2. He gets jealous if you attract the attention of other men

For men, it's often quite simple. As soon as another man looks at his girlfriend/wife a little too insistently, or gets a little too touchy-feely, his "primal instinct" takes over - he has to protect what "belongs" to him ("she's mine").

3. He is very "warm" to you

It's not uncommon for friends and - especially - your ex-partner to welcome you (literally) with open arms and tell you that they are there for you. However, there is a big difference between friends and romantic partners: with the latter, you not only want their support but also their sexual attention. And as soon as the sexual desire is present, it is no longer a question of simple friendship between you.

4. He is very tactile with you

Actions are often more explicit and expressive than words. A simple touch can mean "I care about you" without saying it verbally. A touch can be a way, for example, for a man to express what he doesn't dare say.

5. He tries to remember moments with you

"Here, remember when we went on vacation to [...] and we took a walk in the evening under the starry sky?” Don't be surprised if he spontaneously starts reminiscing about times between you when you were very close.

Is being friends with an ex a red flag?

It is never very comfortable, but finally quite frequent, that exes choose to remain friends and this is no doubt because they formed part of the same friendship group for so long. As long as the behavior and communication with your ex aren’t ambiguous, then there is no need to worry. What is important, is what you feel for your boyfriend, with whom you have projects. Are you happy with him? Do you believe in your relationship? If you answered yes to these questions, then you should feel reassured, and shouldn’t treat this point as a red flag. What is important in my opinion is that you can find your place and that you don’t compare yourself to the ex. The more you have a positive image of yourself, the less you will focus on the qualities of the ex who most certainly has a lot of faults too since your boyfriend left her and chose to project himself with you from now on!

Editor's note: This situation should never make you suffer...

Moving from a loving relationship to a friendly one is a step that you can, of course, decide to take, as long as the relationship is fulfilling. If you're in pain or expect too much from your ex, then it's best to cut the ties for both of you. In any case, becoming friends with your ex is absolutely not a solution to get over a break-up, in which case you should start with therapy.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

We think you might enjoy these articles: 

Article presented by
Katie M.

🌻 Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

What Are The 6 Types Of Narcissism?

There are a whole range of narcissistic personalities out there, and they scale from highly toxic to rather positive (surprising, right?!). That being said, most mental health experts agree that there are 6 types of narcissistic profiles, which whilst they may all be based on an inflated sense of self-esteem, they are in reality all drastically different, and more or less severe. When it comes to dealing with this type of personality disorder, it’s best to know what you are up against, in order to react appropriately, as well as to avoid falling into their traps and becoming their latest victim. After all, knowledge is power, and that’s never be truer than in this particular context.

10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually - Romance Is Dead

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. 🙈 Discover the weird things narcissists do in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

Are Narcissists Born Or Made? - Let's Settle The Debate

There you have it, the nature vs nurture debate is back, only this time I want to focus it on those deviously manipulative personalities we refer to as narcissists. Now, evidently these folks get bad press and rightly so because they are often at the root of plenty of harm, but is it really their fault? Can they really be blamed for their terrifying and perhaps inherent traits, or are they simply just products and in this case victims of their environments? Let’s settle this debate once and for all and figure out how and when this disorder becomes apparent. So, are you born a narcissist or is it developed?

Why Your Boyfriend Gets Defensive When You Talk About My Feelings

Relationships are never exactly straightforward, and at points, a crystal ball wouldn’t go amiss when it comes to understanding what your partner’s reactions are hiding. Now, sadly not all of us own a trusty crystal ball, but our experience when it comes to love is just as precious in analyzing potential pitfalls related to emotions. This may sound a little cliché, but us girls love talking about our feelings, whether that be about when we are falling in love, or when we are feeling sad. Yet some guys get really defensive whenever these serious topics come round, here’s why.

How Long Will A Narcissist Rebound Relationship Last?

Narcissist rebound relationships generally last anywhere from 6-months to a year. Now, whilst the timeframe depends on each individual, these twisted personalities usually head into these relationships with a plan in mind, meaning they know exactly when and where they'll break things off. Plus, when they are in the final stages of a relationship with you, they are no doubt in the process of grooming their next victim. That's right, the need for a constant narcissistic supply means that they aren't likely to date any one person for an extensive period of time. For them, they require fresh blood every 6-months or so because they simply get bored. Let's take a look at the reasons why they keep their rebounds short, but not so sweet.

Is Sleeping With A Colleague Or Your Boss A Dangerous Game?

I’ve had a crush on someone at work before. Honestly, if I hadn’t found out later that he was in a relationship, I’d have gone all out to seduce him. Except that we all know the “No sex at work” rule, which means that it’s a bad idea to sleep with a colleague, or worse, your boss! Is it really that dangerous a game? What do you risk if you’re caught in the act? I’ll explain it all to you (yes, I did my homework before going for it)!

I’m Having Doubts About My Relationship

This happens often. Since life in a relationship, and even love, are never a smooth ride, of course, I have my doubts 😵‍💫. Not on the same wavelength, the impression that the grass is greener on the other side, different plans… Under the weight of doubts, love loses its splendor. Can it be fixed? I don’t think so, but the important thing is to know how to react.

What Is Candaulism?

Now, many of you are no doubt scratching your head wondering what candaulism means, but some of you must already know by now, and that would explain the recent spike in Google searches for the term. Candaulism is in fact a sexual practice in which a man exposes his female partner or photos of her, to other consenting people. This particular fantasy is therefore associated with exhibitionism. Although that’s not all, the term can also apply to a male partner watching his girlfriend or wife making love to someone else. So, let’s take a peep (get it?) at this practice.

Create a Peaceful Living Space

For years, I didn’t really take care of my home. Not that it was dirty, but there was no particular decoration, and most of all, a lot of clutter. Then one day, I decided to do a major decluttering! I thought it would be a dreadful task, but in the end, I realized that organizing my apartment also helped clear my mind. We often overlook this, but having a peaceful living space truly makes a difference!

Mature Love: How Do Relationships Evolve Over Time?

They say that love is like fine wine: it evolves, matures, and becomes even more delightful with time. I say "they say," but in reality, I’m certain of it. Even though I’m single as I write this article, I’ve experienced long-lasting love stories, and there’s nothing quite like reaching mature love—the kind that provides security and support. That’s why today, I want to talk to you about how romantic relationships evolve!



Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:17
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack