Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex, Or Cut Them Out Of Your Life?

Last updated by Katie M.

At a time when people’s love lives are multiplying by the second, we sometimes find ourselves with exes that we don’t really know what to do with. Which category should we assign them to? For some this situation is a source of intense pain meaning blocking and deleting them become our only option, however, others prefer to remain in contact and even go on to become good friends. Everything really depends on how things ended and if anyone was at fault. Although, even if you ended up being betrayed, can you possibly get over these feelings?

Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex, Or Cut Them Out Of Your Life?
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Today, 32% of people are still in contact with one or more of their exes, after all, it is possible to stop loving someone but stay friends. Yes, you’ve no doubt already heard of the term sex friends or friends with benefits, but have you heard of "ex friends"?! In love, no two situations are the same, which is why we’ve listed the pros and cons of friendship between exes. Now it's up to you to make the right choice based on your own situation! 

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What are the pros and cons of becoming friends with your ex partner?

The pros - Why you ought to remain cordial with an old flame:

  • If you have children together, maintaining a good relationship with your ex can be essential; hence being friends is a step you are free to make!
  • It's always nice to have someone around who knows you well and with whom you share common memories. Just like any friend would...
  • Staying friends could help fill a void and give you the impression that you aren’t completely separating. Although, there is a good chance that once the void is filled, you will surely lose sight of yourself.

The cons - Reasons to throw your ex out of your life:

  • You might want to avoid striking up a friendship with them if you plan on dating anytime soon. Dragging a bunch of exes behind you is not very reassuring for a potential suitor.
  • Because it allows you to get over the break-up and to be realistic about your single status so that you don't get stuck in the past.
  • Why would a failed relationship ever turn into a successful friendship? Whatever the reasons for a break-up, it is hard to imagine that what didn't work in a relationship could work in a friendly relationship.
  • Because being in love with your friend is not a good idea. After a break-up you can feel sad, angry and even still be in love. Staying friends with someone you still love is like being in love with a friend, and that almost never ends well.

5 Signs your ex still has feelings for you

Generally, love begins - in most cases - with attraction to someone and a feeling of love for someone. So, before you decide if that person is worthy of your love, try to determine if they love you. If you don't start there, by planting that seed, there will never be a love relationship between you. So the first thing to do is to try to find out if he still loves you. Find out if you can still call him your man and if you can continue to share a house, or if you are too far apart; an emotional distance can be much more significant than a physical distance.

To find out if he still loves you, look for the following signs:

1. He or she calls or texts you frequently

When you love someone, try to make sure that person is happy and show your interest in their life. Keep up with the ups and downs, and provide comfort if needed, because this person is important to you.

2. He gets jealous if you attract the attention of other men

For men, it's often quite simple. As soon as another man looks at his girlfriend/wife a little too insistently, or gets a little too touchy-feely, his "primal instinct" takes over - he has to protect what "belongs" to him ("she's mine").

3. He is very "warm" to you

It's not uncommon for friends and - especially - your ex-partner to welcome you (literally) with open arms and tell you that they are there for you. However, there is a big difference between friends and romantic partners: with the latter, you not only want their support but also their sexual attention. And as soon as the sexual desire is present, it is no longer a question of simple friendship between you.

4. He is very tactile with you

Actions are often more explicit and expressive than words. A simple touch can mean "I care about you" without saying it verbally. A touch can be a way, for example, for a man to express what he doesn't dare say.

5. He tries to remember moments with you

"Here, remember when we went on vacation to [...] and we took a walk in the evening under the starry sky?” Don't be surprised if he spontaneously starts reminiscing about times between you when you were very close.

Is being friends with an ex a red flag?

It is never very comfortable, but finally quite frequent, that exes choose to remain friends and this is no doubt because they formed part of the same friendship group for so long. As long as the behavior and communication with your ex aren’t ambiguous, then there is no need to worry. What is important, is what you feel for your boyfriend, with whom you have projects. Are you happy with him? Do you believe in your relationship? If you answered yes to these questions, then you should feel reassured, and shouldn’t treat this point as a red flag. What is important in my opinion is that you can find your place and that you don’t compare yourself to the ex. The more you have a positive image of yourself, the less you will focus on the qualities of the ex who most certainly has a lot of faults too since your boyfriend left her and chose to project himself with you from now on!

Editor's note: This situation should never make you suffer...

Moving from a loving relationship to a friendly one is a step that you can, of course, decide to take, as long as the relationship is fulfilling. If you're in pain or expect too much from your ex, then it's best to cut the ties for both of you. In any case, becoming friends with your ex is absolutely not a solution to get over a break-up, in which case you should start with therapy.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

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