Should I Tell My Friend She’s Being Cheated On?

Last updated by Katie M.

One Saturday morning, my phone rang out of the blue. It was Chris, my friend Lauren’s husband. He never calls me, so I thought this was odd, so I picked up the phone and launched an interrogative "hello". To my surprise, the only response I was greeted with were moans and groans. I smiled and laughed to myself, thinking that, I’d been pocket dialed whilst Lauren and Chris were making love. Although, I quickly realized that it was Saturday morning and every Saturday morning Lauren goes to her gym class. Something bad was going on…

Should I Tell My Friend She’s Being Cheated On?

This was a secret I didn’t want to be burdened with

While I always thought that as a couple, we should refrain from confessing to little relationship slip ups, now I find myself in a very uncomfortable position, with information I didn't want to have about someone close to me. What should I do about it?

Guilt, desire to help, betrayal my thoughts were everywhere, and I was in a huge dilemma

When I found out by chance, I realized that I didn’t really know much about what was going on. Maybe it's just a one-time mistake. Maybe Lauren even knew about it, how was it to know? If I told my girlfriend, I risked destroying her life and relationship over something I wasn’t even 100% sure of. After thinking it over, I came to the decision that I just couldn’t tell her and ruin everything she’d spent so long building. She’d only end up hurt, humiliated and betrayed, and would probably end up hating me too in the process. This just seemed like a bad idea to me.

>>> Check out: Help, I'm way too nice

What should we do if the cheater confesses?

Here, what counts is our ability to keep a secret. We are guarantors of information we have been entrusted with, so we forget about allegiance and loyalty. Seeing as we find out by chance, there's no question of making our friend suffer because of something that isn’t really any of our business and that essentially risks ending our friendship. If the unfaithful person has implicated us in the drama, it is with them that we must try to settle things. Why not insist that he confess everything to his partner? After all, he seems to want to confide, so perhaps there’s a chance that things could work out. Infidelity is easier to deal with in the private bubble of the couple, because it induces a feeling of shame, and the more people who know about it, the greater that feeling of shame grows.

>>> Is cheating inevitable in a relationship?

How do you tell a friend they’re getting cheated on? - 5 Tips

Breaking this horrible news to anyone is never an easy feat, especially when it’s to one of your good friends. However, if you find out that your friend’s partner is being unfaithful, you owe it to them to come forward and share what you know. After all, keeping them in the dark would be a huge betrayal too. Now, it’s obviously not easy to tell your friend that their partner is a love rat, but you need to keep in mind that she needs to be aware of what’s going on in order to make the best decisions for her future. Here are some tips on how to let her know in the gentlest way possible.

  • Prepare your evidence - Whether you have photos, or messages from other friends, the best idea is to be up front with them. Plus, sharing them might give your friend the reality check that she needs.
  • Break the news in a private setting - No one wants to be told something so heartbreaking at the mall or at Starbucks.
  • Reassure her - Let her know you’ll be there for her whenever she needs you. Going through a break-up certainly isn’t easy.
  • Be prepared for an unpredictable reaction - Be it anger, sadness, or rage, you’ll need to be prepared.
  • Give her a hug - We all need a bit of tenderness, especially when we are at our lowest point.

Can you be friends after being cheated on?

Staying friends with your ex is an understandable wish, but it is better not to hold on to and brood over your resentment, as it can damage the friendship. If during the previous relationship, there are gray areas, such as cheating, and misunderstood actions that need to be clarified or brought up, it is better to discuss them. Certain rules must also be taken into account and respected when making this decision. If you realize that you can't move forward, if the friendship bothers one of you, if one of you is hurt, and you still have hope, if you have the desire, if there is still some ambiguity during the friendship, if the emotion is too intense, then you have to recognize that the new relationship will be complicated.

On the other hand, some stories that started with a friendship have turned into a love story, and unfortunately, it may be that the new partners realize that the previous relationship was preferable. Getting into a relationship with a friend has always been considered risky. That's why many people prefer not to try: they are afraid of losing someone who is important to them.

Editor's note – Every situation is unique

Telling a friend that her man is cheating on her is to interfere in her relationship and take the risk of losing her. However, in the end, there is not really a universal rule and instruction manual about what to do in this situation. Basically, it all depends on your relationship. The one you have with your friend (do you usually confide in each other?) and the one you have with her partner. Are you that close to him? Has he ever cheated on her in the past? In any case, when faced with this situation you will always have to weigh up the pros and cons before making your choice and remember that the most important thing is not to ease your conscience because keeping a secret like this will never make you a bad friend!

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

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