Should I Tell My Friend She’s Being Cheated On?

One Saturday morning, my phone rang out of the blue. It was Chris, my friend Lauren’s husband. He never calls me, so I thought this was odd, so I picked up the phone and launched an interrogative "hello". To my surprise, the only response I was greeted with were moans and groans. I smiled and laughed to myself, thinking that, I’d been pocket dialed whilst Lauren and Chris were making love. Although, I quickly realized that it was Saturday morning and every Saturday morning Lauren goes to her gym class. Something bad was going on…

A secret I didn’t want to be burdened with

While I always thought that as a couple, we should refrain from confessing to little relationship slipups, now I find myself in a very uncomfortable position, with information I didn't want to have about someone close to me. What should I do about it?

Guilt, desire to help, betrayal: It’s a huge dilemma

When I found out by chance, I realized that I didn’t really know much about what was going on. Maybe it's just a one-time mistake. Maybe Lauren even knew about it, how was it to know? If I told my girlfriend, I risked destroying her life and relationship over something I wasn’t even 100% sure of. After thinking it over, I came to the decision that I just couldn’t tell her and ruin everything she’d spent so long building. She’d only end up hurt, humiliated and betrayed, and would probably end up hating me too in the process. This just seemed like a bad idea to me.

>>> Check out: Help, I'm way too nice

When the cheater confesses

What if we don't find out by chance? What if the cheater confides in you about their infidelity? Once the discomfort is over, what do we do? Here, what counts is our ability to keep a secret. We are guarantors of information we have been entrusted with, so we forget about allegiance and loyalty. Seeing as we find out by chance, there's no question of making our friend suffer because of something that isn’t really any of our business and that essentially risks ending our friendship. If the unfaithful person has implicated us in the drama, it is with them that we must try to settle things. Why not insist that he confess everything to his partner? After all, he seems to want to confide, so perhaps there’s a chance that things could work out. Infidelity is easier to deal with in the private bubble of the couple, because it induces a feeling of shame, and the more people who know about it, the greater that feeling of shame grows.

Editor's note – Every situation is unique

Telling a friend that her man is cheating on her is to interfere in her relationship and take the risk of losing her. However, in the end, there is not really a universal rule and instruction manual about what to do in this situation. Basically, it all depends on your relationship. The one you have with your friend (do you usually confide in each other?) and the one you have with her partner. Are you that close to him? Has he ever cheated on her in the past? In any case, when faced with this situation you will always have to weigh up the pros and cons before making your choice and remember that the most important thing is not to ease your conscience because keeping a secret like this will never make you a bad friend!

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