What Not To Do After A Breakup: 5 Things To Avoid Doing

Last updated by Katie M.

Whether it was a mutual decision or not, a break-up is always a difficult moment to go through. All of a sudden, you are surrounded by loneliness and confusion, especially when it comes to the challenge of moving forward. Some of us may even be plunged into depression whilst going through this tough trial and could end up feeling totally lost. Yes, break-ups are emotionally difficult, but to recover there are just some things you should never do. Although it may be tempting, you must resist venturing down this path.

What Not To Do After A Breakup: 5 Things To Avoid Doing
Contents:

The end of a relationship requires a period of mourning, that is sometimes long and painful, necessary to rebuild and emotionally recover. That being said, doing certain things after a breakup will only drag you down and make you feel worse about the situation.

Don't do these 5 things after a breakup

1. Trying to stay friends with your ex

Remaining friends with your ex might seem like a commonplace situation, yet it is fraught with meaning and can be destructive to your self-esteem. Indeed, the one who has been left will try to cling to everything, and this will make for a poor friendship. After a break-up, it is better to give yourself time to heal and find yourself again.

>>> Check out; Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex?

2. Harassing your ex by phone (to get explanations)

You’ll feel lonely, you’ll get angry, and then you’ll start texting and calling your ex night and day. This is a very harmful attitude, which even reflects a kind of emotional dependence and only serves to try to alleviate a narcissistic wound. However, harassing your ex won’t achieve anything positive.

3. Social media stalking

We already know that social media doesn’t really do us any good in the long-term. This is even truer after a break-up. Spying on your ex means taking the risk of interpreting what you see there, or even having to face reality and seeing that they are doing well and living new experiences. Let’s face it, stalking will only lead to more discomfort.

4. Replay the story with "ifs" and "buts".

After a breakup it is always tempting to wonder what could have been done better, what would have happened if you had done that, acted that way or said that. Reliving your story with "ifs" is a very bad idea because it leads to guilt. It is obvious that a break-up is a failure, even a personal failure, but it is often the result of a succession of events. If you come to understand that in a relationship the wrongdoings are shared, you will come to accept the idea that your ex was not right for you and that you need to move on.

>>> You might like this article: How breakup maturely

5. Filling the void at all costs

After a break-up, withdrawal and loneliness can be difficult to manage, and it is important to accept it, but to make it easier, do not hesitate to use "band-aid relationships". Even though these can have a bad reputation, they can, in small doses, also be good for the ego and boost self-confidence. In short, take advantage of this period to listen to your emotions and learn to love yourself.

What are the 5 stages of a breakup?

A breakup is a traumatic event, which is often accompanied by a feeling of failure, sometimes a feeling of rejection. Everyone’s experience is completely unique, however, there are 5 typical stages that we all go through.

1. The phase of denial

When you have lived for several months or years with a person you loved (and who you may still love), accepting that the story is indeed over is point-blank impossible. Whether we saw the break coming, it is inevitably accompanied by a state of shock. We feel like anesthetized, confused mind, unable to project ourselves into this new solo life.

2. (Healthy) Anger

In a situation of rupture, finding a culprit has something reassuring. Depending on the case and the moment, we blame the other person, we blame ourselves, we blame those around us who do not act as we would like or who do not seem to measure the extent of the grief we feel and encourages us to turn the page. This is the time of revolt and loss of control. Anger, as long as it does not exceed certain limits (harassing an ex…), is healthy. It has to come out!

3. Bargaining: “If I do this, he will regret…”

During the bargaining phase, everyone will try to negotiate with reality. It will be a question of doing everything so that the other regrets us and changes his mind if he is the one who left. Concretely, we take care of ourselves again, we do everything to get the promotion that will make us shine professionally…

4. Depression

This is a time when we can be led to blame ourselves, to tell ourselves that we will never find love again. You can feel your self-esteem go up in smoke. This stage of loving mourning is also the time of looking back during which we can be nostalgic or tell ourselves that we should have done or not done certain things, that the relationship would not have been shattered if we had everything right. do.

5. Acceptance

The level of sadness drops. When we reflect on this love story that has stopped, we have clearer ideas. We are able to analyze the reasons why it ended. We even manage to tell ourselves that it is better that way. And then we think less often of the other; we no longer hate him, and we no longer attribute 100% of the blame to him. It's time to fully enjoy this new solo life and rediscover yourself, necessarily being a little different from before.

4 Tips to get over a breakup

If your partner has recently left, destroying your relationship, your dreams, and leaving you alone, you are no doubt wondering how to bounce back after this heartbreak. Here are 4 essential tips:

1) Accept the pain

Sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, rumination... When a breakup occurs, we find ourselves overwhelmed with negative emotions. Here, it is important not to avoid them, and It is necessary to pass by the sorrow to enter the mourning phase. The first step is to accept your unpleasant emotions. Regularly take stock: "Where am I when I think of him/her?", "How do I feel?"... This is a good technique to connect with and evaluate your emotions.

2) Address the void

At first, the absence of the other person is difficult. With this terrible impression that you will not be able to live without your ex, and this irrepressible need to call him or to check his social media. Here, you need to cut contact and place your recovery above everything else.

3) Understand why it didn't work

"Why didn't it work out between us?", "Why did he leave me"? These questions often haunt ex-lovers. Especially those who were left brutally, or without explanation. When we do not understand what happened, mourning is even more difficult. By working on ourselves, we can find explanations. Often, when a relationship ends, we tend to idealize it. But a priori, if it is finished, it is because it did not work.

4) Break out of the repetition of love

Sometimes, love stories - and breakups, repeat themselves. The same scenarios, the same people we are attracted to, the same devastating relationships... A love repetition that often originates in our childhood. When we wonder about our failures in love, it is interesting to work on the patterns that lead us to repeat life scenarios. What do we repeat from our childhood or from a certain situation that we may have experienced as children?


Editor's note: Choose your entourage well

A break-up is a difficult ordeal, choose your entourage well during this period. Beware of mutual friends, avoid a conflict of loyalty, do not forget that this separation is your business... You can also make an appointment with a psychologist to discuss your emotions and your situation.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Now that you've read up on what you should avoid doing, we think you might enjoy: 

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Fear Of Growing Up

“When I’m older, I’ll be...”. Who hasn’t fantasized about adulthood and the freedom it seemed to offer? The problem is that sometimes you find yourself as an adult, no longer wanting to leave childhood behind, and having to face up to the responsibilities that come along and crush you. But at some point, we all have to face the facts: in real life, our invisibility cloak doesn’t work. You’re a grown-up, and you need to deal with it because if you don’t, you risk falling from a great height and that fall can sometimes be brutal.

Never Say “Tomboy” To A Girl Again!

When I was little, I used to play a lot of Lego and video games. To me, these are passions like any other, and I still play video games at the age of 33. What’s not normal, however, is that when I was younger, I was described as a “tomboy”. In fact, I’ve always hated that term, and I think it’s time to stop using it. It’s sexist and puts a label on girls who don’t fit the stereotypes of their gender, so never say that again!

10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually - Romance Is Dead

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover the weird things narcissists do in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

Can A Narcissist Become Obsessed With Someone?

Now, narcissists are known for demonstrating a worrying lack of empathy along with deviously manipulative traits, oh, and before I forget to mention it, HUGE egos too. Yes, that’s right, they love spending hours looking in the mirror and being told how fabulous they are. To put it in other words, people with this personality disorder are firmly in love with themselves, to the point of being totally obsessed with their so-called perfection, but the question is, can they put their self-admiration aside enough to become preoccupied with someone else?

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

Do Narcissists Come Back?

You're probably thinking that once a narcissist has upped sticks and fled, he'll never dare to show his face again, however, quite the opposite is true. The reality is that these folks are like bad smells, there's no getting rid of them quickly, therefore regardless of all the pain, hurt, and trauma they've put their victims through, they'll always make a comeback, just to prove that they are still in control 😨. In fact, no matter how much time has passed, these torturous monsters will always eventually rear their ugly heads, just to get in that one last vicious blow. Discover which 10 circumstances they'll decide to show up in their exes' lives.

5 Scary Things A Narcissist Smear Campaign Involves

We hear so much about these emotional abusers in every walk of life that we are sometimes so overloaded with information regarding them, meaning we often miss the red flags that, in hindsight, seem blatantly obvious. These vindictive manipulators often use smear campaigns as a way of getting back at their victims and villainizing them publicly. That's right, these evil campaigns are an effective method for them to change the narrative of the abuse, and to present themselves as victims, when in reality they are the perpetrators of the terror.

"My Ex Was Crazy" If A Guy Says This… Run!

I am probably the crazy ex. At least, I'm pretty sure some of my exes present me that way to their new girlfriends. Except that description shouldn’t be overlooked because it reveals a lot about a man’s behavior and could be seen as a red flag. What's behind it when a man talks about his ex, who was an alleged total nut job? Here’s why you ought to run as fast as you can if you’re currently dating a guy who deems his ex as crazy.

Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing?

Kissing is a deeply intimate act, and although in popular culture it is often classed as only being worthy of first base, it does in fact go way beyond that toxic evaluation. We’ve no doubt all had at least one lingering kiss that we’ll never forget; one which left all of our senses tingling and hungry for more. Well, that memorable smooch left us reminiscing because it was sincere and meant something. In short, it encapsulated love and romance, which are two things that narcissists are quite simply incapable of feeling.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:15
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack