How To Break Up With Someone You Live With, Without Hurting Them

Last updated by Katie M.

Have you decided to end your relationship, yet you want to do it in the kindest way possible? If you are in this situation, you must go about it in the right way, regardless of what's gone on or who is to blame. Breakups can be brutal, and you don't want to inflict pain and suffering on your partner, right? But you can't exactly let yourself be unhappy for much longer either, and need to move out. Letting someone down gently is a tough balance to enact, and it involves asking yourself the right questions to make the separation as painless as possible. If you want to be able to walk away from your partner in the smoothest possible way, you're in the right place.

How To Break Up With Someone You Live With, Without Hurting Them
Contents: 

Whether the breakup is a mutual decision, separation is a difficult time, but it can be made easier if it's done thoughtfully. The question is; how can we separate smoothly and remain on good grounds? Plus, because you live together, you automatically see each other every day, meaning it's even more crucial to let them down gently.

How to break up when you live with your partner - 5 Tips to follow 

1. Be as humane as possible

When the decision to break things off isn’t mutual, it is never sweet to experience and is likely to make one partner feel sad. To avoid crushing their feelings, make sure that you are as gentle as possible, sparing details and criticism. It is better to talk about yourself than to try to make the other person bear the brunt of the failure. Avoid explosive arguments that could shatter your desire to separate peacefully and respectfully.

2. Respect your partner

When feelings come to an end, it's easy to forget that you once loved, but it's important not to deny what you shared. Stay tuned in to each other's arguments. Using non-violent communication can turn conflicts into simple dialogues. Although dropping this bombshell may seem intimidating, you have to confront it and should never give in to the idea of doing it via text or social media, for example. Your partner needs to understand what has pushed you to make this choice in a face-to-face situation.

>>> Why not check out the 10 most common reasons for divorce

3. Explain your reasons

Don't pack your suitcase without a word or ghost them. Tell your partner the truth, even if it is sometimes hard, not understanding causes great pain and will prevent them from moving forward. Indeed, we need to be able to understand where things went wrong in order to be able to rectify things in the future.

4. Be clear

Don't get their hopes up about you changing your mind. By letting doubt hang over you, you will prevent the other person from entering into a grieving process and turning the page on what you once had. Establishing the right distance is important, but be careful not to cut off everything instantly.

Couple

You can offer to make time for your soon-to-be ex, for example, by allowing them to call you to ask questions. If you want to stay friends with them, leave no doors for a future reconciliation open, there can be no room for doubt.

>>> Get the answer to; is crying often a bad thing?

5. If you are a parent, act in the best interests of the children.

Separation is also a very difficult time for children, make sure you break the news to them in a reassuring way. Do not reveal the intimate reasons for the separation, clarify the situation fairly quickly about the changes to come, communicate… Try your hardest to agree on the upbringing of your kids and make decisions together. Both parent's point of view always need to be heard and taken into account when little ones are involved.

>>> Discover how to reduce stress in children

How to know when it’s time to break up?

After the holidays, after Christmas, after Valentine's Day, after their birthday or big interview… Choosing the right time can be a real hassle because there will never exactly be a 'right time', plus no one really takes pleasure in hurting the feelings of someone they once loved and cared for. 3 Signs simply don’t lie when it comes to the end of your relationship.

1) You feel lonely in your relationship

For him, everything seemed to be going smoothly. Let's face it, I'm pretty fun to date and ultra-devout when I'm in a relationship. Since I met this guy on an app, and we started dating right away, the relationship started without us really having time to get to know each other. Between us, I thought that things were going slowly, I was happy at first not to get carried away. So I waited and wondered: where are the words of love, the butterflies, the honeymoon that I would like to be experiencing in the early days of a relationship? Three months later, I feel alone in this relationship, sometimes more alone than if I was single.

2) The communication is terrible

Of course, it is normal that the sun does not shine all year round under the sky of love. But... in the first few months? Well, let's admit it. I learned that when a difficulty arises in a relationship, it should be possible to talk about it and find solutions together. So I shared my romantic frustrations with him. He listened, he understood, and I waited. People have told me that it's better to have a guy who is there than a fantasy that exists only in my head. I've even been reminded that you have to make do with what you have.

3) You have a crush on someone else

Here's something that kept me from admitting to myself that it was time to break up: I love being around his buddies, and I didn't want to leave them. Lately, one of them was even occupying my mind a little too much. Playful, demonstrative, balanced... I thought that if I had met him before my boyfriend, I would have been attracted to him.

Where to break up with someone

Deciding you want to put an end to your relationship is only half of this mammoth task, the other half consists of knowing where you’ll do it in order to ensure the calmest reaction. The best option when going about breaking the news to your soon-to-be ex partner, is doing so in a private place because the realization of what’s to come is likely to provoke unpredictable emotions. Doing so in a private and calm setting is a respectful choice and proves that you have thought things through and not just made a hasty decision.

Editor's opinion: Get help and speak out

Breaking up is never an easy task, you feel guilty, and you want to avoid a destructive break-up for both of you. Did you know that a psychologist can help you take the plunge and show you how to achieve a smooth break-up? 
Do not hesitate to confide your doubts in our qualified psychologists to finally open a new chapter in your life.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe


Check out this great content too:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Why Do We Feel Better In The Evening When We Have Depression?

If there’s one symptom that can be observed in any type of depression, it’s fatigue. Intense fatigue that sticks to the skin and holds us back like a ball and chain. The problem with this fatigue is that it occurs mainly in the morning, which is one of the reasons why, in the case of depression, we feel better in the evening than in the morning.

Pay Transparency: Why Is Talking About Your Salary So Taboo?

If there’s a world where taboos abound, it’s the world of work. Avoiding opening up, avoiding emotions, avoiding closeness, avoiding anything personal, but above all, the opaque mystery of salaries! The ban is there, never stated, never established, but its scent floats around the subject of salaries. But why is talking about your salary so taboo?

What Job Can Reconcile Your Professional And Home Life?

As the saying goes, ‘we can’t have it all’, but is that really true? Establishing balance in your life is never exactly an easy challenge, but it is the secret to creating happiness is finding the sacred line between your job and your family. That’s right, it's essential to ask yourself how you organize your life, so you can make the most of every moment. So, what job will allow you to reconcile both aspects of your life?

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

What Is Gaslighting And Why Is It So Dangerous?

Gaslighting is one of the most destabilizing and covert forms of manipulation out there, and often makes victims feel completely lost and broken. This scary scenario essentially involves brainwashing via deception and is frequently characterized by blatant denial and emotional blackmail. ‘No, darling, I would never lie to you. I love you too much for that. Remember, it was you who stained my collar with lipstick... you forget everything.’ This is a classic example of this type of abuse, and trust me, I should know because I’ve been through it...

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Narcissists often get bad press, and although many of us try to see the best in most people, in their case, it can be extremely difficult to find. The truth is, folks with this personality disorder don’t exactly have many redeeming qualities that could potentially help to excuse and explain their borderline evil behavior. Plus, when it comes to love, their lack of empathy means they have next to no loyalty, which means many of them often end up cheating on their partners. Ladies, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the alarm bells ought to be truly deafening.

Help, Why Do I Attract Narcissists?

After a succession of dating disasters, I decided that it was time I took a step back to analyze the root of my consistent heartbreak. Being on the dating scene is tough, and meeting new people just isn’t as easy as they make it out to be. Although, that being said, meeting toxic monsters seems to be a lot less complicated, well at least for me, it seems that way, that’s right, I have a real talent for it. So, after deleting all of my apps and going on a dating hiatus for several months, I finally understand why I attract people with narcissistic personality disorders, who do nothing but break me down and subject me to narcissistic abuse.

Can You Have A Healthy Relationship With A Narcissist?

I’ve always been very open with my dating history, so if you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll probably already know that, none of my relationships have ever fulfilled me, or even made me feel good about myself. In fact, since dating my most recent partner, who was by the way a raging narcissist, I’ve decided that I need to take a break from love, and instead, spend more time on finding myself. How did I get to this point? Well, when I was with my ex, no matter how hard I tried, our love disintegrated, well at least for me, it did. I can now firmly say that all the tears, arguments, and pain have taught me that loving someone with narcissistic tendencies will only ever end in disaster, and I’m about to share why.

Is My Coworker A Narcissist?

Now, I don’t want to make you paranoid, but the truth is that narcissists are everywhere, and that’s why it’s so important to be able to spot them and their devious ways. So, with that in mind, why wouldn't there be a narcissist lurking in the office? Has that given you food for thought, and suddenly got your mind racing? Who is your number one suspect? Is it Jon; the guy who constantly hogs the photocopier, or perhaps even Emma; the backstabbing human resources manager? In any case, knowing how to identify these personalities is essential, so discover the 10 deplorable behavioral signs you need to look out for. You’ll never look at your coworkers in the same way again!

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
    3:54
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack