My relationship no longer makes me happy; what should I do?
1. I need to admit there’s a problem
Before I pack my bags and put an end to our love story, I need to be sure of my choice. Every couple goes through ups and downs, and you have to know the difference between a bad patch and a relationship that's running out of steam. I shouldn't slam the door out of anger because it's never good to react without thinking. Even the most terrible crisis can make a couple stronger, while a sudden break-up can turn out to be a terrible mistake.
There are certain signals that are not wrong when a couple is on the verge of breakdown. If I compare the present with the past and regret the times when my boyfriend made me laugh more than cry, then there’s a problem. The total lack of physical and emotional connection is also troubling. We have to admit that we spend all our time annoying each other, and therefore avoiding each other... I can't ignore it anymore.
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Clear your mind:
- If need be, I take a piece of paper and make a list of pros and cons about my relationship. The fullest column will tell me if I'm really fulfilled.
- I can also discuss my issues with those around me, because I'm not the first or the last to experience this. Being understood and advised will reassure me.
2. Engage in frank discussion
It’s well known that communication is the root to finding a solution. Expressing my feelings is not always easy, but we are both adults who can talk. A couple is made up of two people who deserve to be respected and two points of view that deserve to be heard.
This is the time to get everything off my chest. To prevent the exchange from turning into a boxing match, I use non-violent communication. As long as I speak frankly and openly, without minimizing my feeling, then I’ll feel much better afterwards. My partner needs to understand my desires and what's bothering me. My honesty will help him realize that for the future of our relationship, profound change is necessary.
In return, I am ready to listen to him so that we can find solutions to rekindle the flame. A fresh start is possible if we are both on the same wavelength. If we have to fight, it's together!
3. I need to give myself some time alone
Temporarily or permanently, only time will tell. If nothing changes after our many attempts to repair the broken parts of our relationship, then moving away will be the ultimate solution. Because far from the heavy atmosphere that reigned in our home, I could take a step back and realize what I really want. There is a charitable soul in my entourage who will open their couch to me for a while...
Who knows, maybe I'll realize that I miss my partner and his annoying habits, that I'll throw myself into his arms with fresh eyes. I might even discover a more detached attitude and a desire to focus on the positive.
The editor's opinion - Get better with this exercise
If you feel unhappy in your relationship, but can’t identify why, clinical psychologist Elizabeth Couzon advises you to put things on paper first. "Take a piece of paper and identify your needs, all those little things you miss in your relationship: a need for affection, for, for laughter, going out... »
Once that's done, think about which ones you can fulfill by yourself or with the help of those around you, because your partner is not a drug, and you have to forget about the idea that a couple is enough to meet all your needs.
If the problem is clearly related to your relationship, do this exercise as a couple.
"What kills a couple is the lack of communication," continues the expert. So, every week, take a moment to share and describe all the little things you didn't like about the week. Involuntary assaults, unpleasant words, lack of attention... Your partner will not intervene, and the roles are reversed after 15 minutes. See how avoiding the unsaid is good for the couple!
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