Gary Chapman’s 5 Languages Of LoveGary Chapman, now aged 82, is a marriage counsellor to whom couples owe a great deal. His life project is all about saving marriages. Seeing as love can come in many forms, and each one is different, we have all, at some point, struggled to understand our partner. A kiss on the forehead in the morning, some alone time at the end of the day… we can give and receive love in 5 different ways. There is a lot of love out there! Discover the 5 languages of love.
« It's rare for husband and wife to have learnt the same romantic language. »
What are the 5 languages of love?
Might this be the secret to long-lasting relationships?
1. Physical contact
This type of language avoids words and so is perfect for those who struggle expressing their feelings out loud. Form a very young age, we are receptive to being close to others; a child likes to sit on their parent’s lap. This desire for contact has never left me; we also like the feeling of being held in the arms of someone we love… Did you know hugging has powerful effects on us? A fulfilling sex life also allows us to express to our partner all the passion we feel towards them. Often, I fiddle with my partner’s hair when they are near me. Whatever you do, physical actions immediately create intimacy.
2. Comforting words
This is a more direct way of making your loved one know that you love them. Comforting words can take the form of praise or an unexpected compliment, because everyone expresses themselves differently. This is why saying “be careful” before they leave the house could be seen as a sign that you really care about them. So, think out loud and come up with words of encouragement or compliments you can say to your other half. Ever since I have been keeping track of the words that come out of my partner Jules’s mouth, I’ve realized love can come in many forms. Words are incredibly powerful and leave a mark on our behavior. They are always able to comfort us and make us feel better.
3. Special moments
It’s all very well sharing the same house or apartment, but what really matters is the time spent together, just the two of you (or as a family). What’s important is the absence of external problems. So, I leave my worries on the doorstep, I turn off my smartphone and I dedicate time to the person I love. I create time in my timetable so that I can give my partner my full attention. No need to complicate things and go to a restaurant (even if you haven’t ruled that idea out yet…!), the simple act of hugging them, speaking to them about things, listening to them, going for a walk together, is enough to show them how important they are to you.
4. Being helpful
If my partner notices what I do to make them happy or help them out, they will most definitely feel supported and valued. Making their favorite meal because they’re going to be home late, doing the housework, looking after them when they’re ill… these are just a few simple acts that will demonstrate how much you care. They are often most noticeable at the start of a relationship, but we should never stop being aware of them.
When you’re in love you lose track of time… lots of hours are spent thinking about what to buy your partner and the romantic ways you can give them their present. Giving them a gift without expecting anything in return is proof to my partner that I have thought about them, and that I simply just want to make them happy. I don’t need to go overboard, nor do I need to wait for a particular moment to convey my love to them. Although, I did have to proactively do some spy work in order to find out what my partner is interested in, enough to get to know them a bit better, enough to show them that I care about what they like and dislike…
Expert’s opinion – we are more sensitive to certain acts than others
Although we can all appreciate these 5 languages of love, a hierarchy operates inside of us. Some people prefer to spend time alone together as a couple in order to feel loved, whilst for others, meaningful conversations and comments and more important. That explains why it’s useful to know your partner’s expectations in order to avoid arguments and misunderstandings.
This will also prevent you from falling into the classic trap of giving someone else what you would in fact like to receive.
To avoid wasting time and energy, believing you can change your other half when you are quite simply missing the point, it’s time you calmly broached the subject.
Good luck with these languages of love!