I've Cheated On My Partner; Should I Come Clean And Confess?

Should you admit to cheating, or lie to your partner?

When the trust is broken in a relationship and lies are exposed, things can be hard to repair. Being open about your mistakes may seem daunting and unsurmountable, but that doesn’t mean everything has to come to an end! Although we like to think that relationships are completely transparent, they rarely ever are. That being said, spending your time lying to each other is absolutely unhealthy and will lead to the breakdown of your relationships. Wanting to have great clarity is good for you and those who are suffocated by jealousy.

The majority of couples cannot bear telling the true and being open when it comes to adultery. If you open up that you slept with a former flame, then why not call your mother-in-law out for whenever she bugs you. Telling the truth can at times seem to have a snowball effect and lead to things spinning more and more out of hand.

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Does cheating always come out? - In most cases, yes

You had a hell of a time with your ex, but the return to reality was brutal, leaving you with a bitter taste and a huge dose of guilt. That's just fine! Infidelity isn't for you. So why go and dump your guilt on your other half? Why harm their well-being, their peace of mind, make them suffer needlessly and complicate your relationship, or even end it? If you think that not revealing your secret means the ruining of your relationship, telling the truth will probably have the same conclusion.

It is hard to imagine that this revelation will be received with kindness and understanding. Truth does not repair infidelity, so make peace with yourself. If you want to, seek to understand the cause of the infidelity and get closer to your spouse without making a fuss, without arousing his suspicions.

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You can cheat on a thousand people once, but you can't cheat on a thousand people a thousand times.

If we can get over this little slip up on the way, surely, we can get through anything. An extramarital affair does not deserve to end a relationship. A long infidelity or even a double life type endangers the future of couples. However, therapists agree that the confession of an extramarital fling gives couples the opportunity to improve their relationship by putting the finger on a deep problem.

Don't deny it and don't try to back your partner into a corner

So, should you confess to your affair or not? If your partner has doubts, asks questions, or gets suspicious, then there is no point in denying your actions because in doing this you’ll probably lose their trust permanently. Finally, let’s not forget to respect our partners and their wishes to stay in the dark. It is possible that your spouse has discovered your adventure, but prefers to close his eyes. Feigned ignorance is regularly much less painful than the truth. Some people even say that they resented their partner more for confessing infidelity than for committing it. For the serenity of each person and of the couple, the simplest thing would still be to avoid infidelity… if it is possible!

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How do you forgive yourself for cheating and not telling your partner? - 5 Steps to take

Not everyone is capable of looking their partner in the eyes and admitting to their wrongdoings. Now, if you’ve decided that you want to save your partner’s feelings and that you want to move forward hand in hand, you need to forgive yourself for your mistakes. The path to forgiveness may be a perilous one, but it’s an essential journey towards repairing your relationship in the future. Here’s how to forgive yourself;

• 1) Take accountability - Hold your hands up and admit to yourself that you were out of line.
• 2) Write down your feelings - Explore your emotions fully and listen to your heart.
• 3) Be proactive in changing yourself - Aim to become a new and better person.
• 4) Seek professional help - Open your heart to a therapist and truly listen to their advice.
• 5) Start couples’ counselling sessions - Make things work better, together.

Does the guilt of cheating go away?

In many situations, the spouse who has cheated on their partner may have the feeling that they must constantly pay for their fault and constantly make amends. And this feeling, this fear, is often an obstacle to the reconstruction of the couple after infidelity. In order to rebuild the relationship and the couple, in which each one can blossom, the spouse who has cheated must be reassured that one day they will be loved again without being permanently in guilty, in reconstruction. Having this reassurance will help the guilt fade away over time.

What do dreams about cheating on your partner mean?

The dream of infidelity is often made by men and women. It generally corresponds to dissatisfaction in one's real life, which is translated by the fact of accepting "to go see elsewhere". This dissatisfaction is not necessarily marital. It can also be professional or existential. There are several ways to interpret the dream of infidelity. Firstly, it can mean that one is not sufficiently satisfied with one's sex life and that one seeks an increase in one's erotic sensations with someone who is not legitimate. Secondly, and in a very compensatory way, we look for a more robust and less engaging relationship than our current one.

Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

Faced with infidelity, there is no one way to react, the possibilities are multiple because each person is different and will approach things according to their life experiences. Thus, what you experience is up to you, as well as the emotional intensity caused by the adultery: some will be devastated, while others will be angry or indifferent. Here are the best tips to get back to normal after cheating.

• The less we communicate, the harder it is to rebuild. If we can, find a space to express our emotions, where we can really hear each other.
• Take responsibility for what you feel and make the other person understand that his or her actions, behaviors, and words have an effect on me. How can you modify your actions/thoughts/behaviors to modulate my suffering? Express "This is how I feel when you do this".
• There is an expectation on the part of the deceived person that the other person understands the intensity of the pain he or she has caused. Sometimes when the other person doesn't see that he or she has caused so much suffering, this can be the real sticking point of a situation. We don't measure the damage it can cause when we cheat.
• It is necessary to restore trust. For the person who is cheated on, the revelation of an extramarital relationship can bring down the whole representation of the couple, of a life that was going to run smoothly. There is a huge gap there which can put in enormous insecurity. The loved one presents another face, he becomes a stranger, a monster. There is a work to be done to put behind, in the past, all these questionings of oneself, these negative images of oneself. It is necessary to restore this capacity to become vulnerable in front of the others.
• Often, we may not have the means to live separately, so we can continue to surf on the daily life. The strength of everyday life can help to create a framework in this storm which can help to rebuild because we become aware of what we are going to lose at the moment when we risk losing it.

Should I tell my boyfriend I had a dream I cheated on him?

Being unfaithful in a dream does not mean cheating on your partner, which is why it’s not exactly necessary to tell your boyfriend. Dreaming of infidelity often expresses a message rather than a desire to act on it. It's a dimension that's perhaps forbidden to us, so adultery will come to make waves. This type of dream is represented in a very sensual, very amorous way, but there is no penetration. The sexual partner projected may be a part of us. If our real spouse doesn't appear at all in the dream, it may indeed be a case of fusion with a part of our being, represented by the dream partner. The dream reveals our state of mind and that we are intensely in love with ourselves.

Related reading: 

• 10 Most common reasons for divorce
• Why do I fall out of love so quickly?
• Is cheating in a relationship inevitable?
• Should I tell my friend she's being cheated?