I've Cheated On My Partner; Should I Come Clean And Confess?

Last updated by Katie M.

Um, now this is definitely a very tricky subject. Recently, I slipped up and let my desires and libido get the best of me. Yes, that's right, I gave into the passion and ended up cheating on my partner and the problem is I don't know what to do about it. If, like me, you are in this awkward position, the question is what do you do now? An affair is serious business and isn’t to be taken lightly. Should I come clean and confess my unfaithfulness or, should I take the silent road and keep this mistake to myself? Let’s take a look at both options. Plus, let's interpret what dreaming about cheating means!

I've Cheated On My Partner; Should I Come Clean And Confess?

Should you admit to cheating, or lie to your partner?

When the trust is broken in a relationship and lies are exposed, things can be hard to repair. Being open about your mistakes may seem daunting and unsurmountable, but that doesn’t mean everything has to come to an end! Although we like to think that relationships are completely transparent, they rarely ever are. That being said, spending your time lying to each other is absolutely unhealthy and will lead to the breakdown of your relationships. Wanting to have great clarity is good for you and those who are suffocated by jealousy.

The majority of couples cannot bear telling the true and being open when it comes to adultery. If you open up that you slept with a former flame, then why not call your mother-in-law out for whenever she bugs you. Telling the truth can at times seem to have a snowball effect and lead to things spinning more and more out of hand.

> Read; am I too demanding of my partner? <

Does cheating always come out? - In most cases, yes

You had a hell of a time with your ex, but the return to reality was brutal, leaving you with a bitter taste and a huge dose of guilt. That's just fine! Infidelity isn't for you. So why go and dump your guilt on your other half? Why harm their well-being, their peace of mind, make them suffer needlessly and complicate your relationship, or even end it? If you think that not revealing your secret means the ruining of your relationship, telling the truth will probably have the same conclusion.

It is hard to imagine that this revelation will be received with kindness and understanding. Truth does not repair infidelity, so make peace with yourself. If you want to, seek to understand the cause of the infidelity and get closer to your spouse without making a fuss, without arousing his suspicions.

> Dating Apps: 3 Advantages, 10 Disadvantages? <

You can cheat on a thousand people once, but you can't cheat on a thousand people a thousand times.

If we can get over this little slip up on the way, surely, we can get through anything. An extramarital affair does not deserve to end a relationship. A long infidelity or even a double life type endangers the future of couples. However, therapists agree that the confession of an extramarital fling gives couples the opportunity to improve their relationship by putting the finger on a deep problem.

Don't deny it and don't try to back your partner into a corner

So, should you confess to your affair or not? If your partner has doubts, asks questions, or gets suspicious, then there is no point in denying your actions because in doing this you’ll probably lose their trust permanently. Finally, let’s not forget to respect our partners and their wishes to stay in the dark. It is possible that your spouse has discovered your adventure, but prefers to close his eyes. Feigned ignorance is regularly much less painful than the truth. Some people even say that they resented their partner more for confessing infidelity than for committing it. For the serenity of each person and of the couple, the simplest thing would still be to avoid infidelity… if it is possible!

> Is flirting cheating or just harmless fun? <

How do you forgive yourself for cheating and not telling your partner? - 5 Steps to take

Not everyone is capable of looking their partner in the eyes and admitting to their wrongdoings. Now, if you’ve decided that you want to save your partner’s feelings and that you want to move forward hand in hand, you need to forgive yourself for your mistakes. The path to forgiveness may be a perilous one, but it’s an essential journey towards repairing your relationship in the future. Here’s how to forgive yourself;

  • 1) Take accountability - Hold your hands up and admit to yourself that you were out of line.
  • 2) Write down your feelings - Explore your emotions fully and listen to your heart.
  • 3) Be proactive in changing yourself - Aim to become a new and better person.
  • 4) Seek professional help - Open your heart to a therapist and truly listen to their advice.
  • 5) Start couples’ counselling sessions - Make things work better, together.

Does the guilt of cheating go away?

In many situations, the spouse who has cheated on their partner may have the feeling that they must constantly pay for their fault and constantly make amends. And this feeling, this fear, is often an obstacle to the reconstruction of the couple after infidelity. In order to rebuild the relationship and the couple, in which each one can blossom, the spouse who has cheated must be reassured that one day they will be loved again without being permanently in guilty, in reconstruction. Having this reassurance will help the guilt fade away over time.

What do dreams about cheating on your partner mean?

The dream of infidelity is often made by men and women. It generally corresponds to dissatisfaction in one's real life, which is translated by the fact of accepting "to go see elsewhere". This dissatisfaction is not necessarily marital. It can also be professional or existential. There are several ways to interpret the dream of infidelity. Firstly, it can mean that one is not sufficiently satisfied with one's sex life and that one seeks an increase in one's erotic sensations with someone who is not legitimate. Secondly, and in a very compensatory way, we look for a more robust and less engaging relationship than our current one.

Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

Faced with infidelity, there is no one way to react, the possibilities are multiple because each person is different and will approach things according to their life experiences. Thus, what you experience is up to you, as well as the emotional intensity caused by the adultery: some will be devastated, while others will be angry or indifferent. Here are the best tips to get back to normal after cheating.

  • The less we communicate, the harder it is to rebuild. If we can, find a space to express our emotions, where we can really hear each other.
  • Take responsibility for what you feel and make the other person understand that his or her actions, behaviors, and words have an effect on me. How can you modify your actions/thoughts/behaviors to modulate my suffering? Express "This is how I feel when you do this".
  • There is an expectation on the part of the deceived person that the other person understands the intensity of the pain he or she has caused. Sometimes when the other person doesn't see that he or she has caused so much suffering, this can be the real sticking point of a situation. We don't measure the damage it can cause when we cheat.
  • It is necessary to restore trust. For the person who is cheated on, the revelation of an extramarital relationship can bring down the whole representation of the couple, of a life that was going to run smoothly. There is a huge gap there which can put in enormous insecurity. The loved one presents another face, he becomes a stranger, a monster. There is a work to be done to put behind, in the past, all these questionings of oneself, these negative images of oneself. It is necessary to restore this capacity to become vulnerable in front of the others.
  • Often, we may not have the means to live separately, so we can continue to surf on the daily life. The strength of everyday life can help to create a framework in this storm which can help to rebuild because we become aware of what we are going to lose at the moment when we risk losing it.

Should I tell my boyfriend I had a dream I cheated on him?

Being unfaithful in a dream does not mean cheating on your partner, which is why it’s not exactly necessary to tell your boyfriend. Dreaming of infidelity often expresses a message rather than a desire to act on it. It's a dimension that's perhaps forbidden to us, so adultery will come to make waves. This type of dream is represented in a very sensual, very amorous way, but there is no penetration. The sexual partner projected may be a part of us. If our real spouse doesn't appear at all in the dream, it may indeed be a case of fusion with a part of our being, represented by the dream partner. The dream reveals our state of mind and that we are intensely in love with ourselves.

Editor's note - What if I decide to admit my affair?

If for you the moment to confess has come, take a few precautions so as not to add more drama to the mix. Keep in mind that your spouse won't be able to take everything in. Frankly, there are few people who want to imagine the person they love in bed with someone else. So be respectful and tactful, and don't go into the intimate details. Finally, kindness and caring should become your priorities.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy… Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Related reading: 

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Psychological Abuse: Identify It To Get Out Of It

A little belittling remark here, minimizing our emotions there... So many little things that show us that we’re being psychologically abused. It may seem trivial, but that’s the problem. We downplay it too much, which makes it the most common type of abuse. So, how do you identify psychological abuse? What should you do if you’re a victim? Let’s explain.

Behavioral Disorders: The List & Their Definitions

I suffer from an eating disorder, and several people around me have a mood disorder. I’m not completely unfamiliar with behavioral disorders, or at least not these. However, there are several types of disorders and they can even affect sexual behavior. So how do you define them? Here’s a list and some definitions related to behavioral disorders.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

I Constantly Need Recognition

Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like I do things according to others. My choices and my behavior have long been dictated by the approval of others. As I’ve got older, I’ve learned to assert myself and detach myself from what others might think of my actions. Why do we constantly seek this validation, and how can we get rid of this need for recognition when it becomes toxic? Having been there myself, I’ll explain it all to you!

How To Camouflage Your Cellulite At The Beach

You were well on your way. You were holding on, motivated by the idea of finally having a bikini body this year. But then the lockdowns and the laziness all hit you at once... That’s right, your cellulite is still there and not ready to leave just yet. But guess what?! Cellulite is like a little pimple, either we own it, or we resort to using tricks to camouflage it.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do We Always Need To Have The Last Word?

Today, I’m focussing on a habit that drives me crazy: wanting to have the last word. It’s probably because I’m not very good at comebacks or self-confident enough that I’m both fascinated and annoyed by people who always want to be right. But why do they always want to have the last word? What’s behind it?

I Still Suck My Thumb As An Adult

In general, thumb sucking ends around the age of 6. I say “in general” and not “normally”, because as an adult I don’t feel weird or particularly bothered by it. When I get stressed, I allow myself to let go and return to my childhood self by sucking my thumb. Those who know about it or catch me by surprise make me realize I should be ashamed… But is this habit a big deal? What if it makes me feel better? It’s certainly no worse than lighting up a cigarette or biting your nails…

Why Do Hugs And Physical Contact Make Me Feel Uncomfortable?

There are people who don’t like to be touched at all, and who are almost disgusted by physical contact. There are people who like to caress and be caressed for anything and everything, and there are people like me who always recoil when someone tries to touch them. Why do I shy away from physical contact? What if it’s all linked to the past?

10 Examples Of Text Messages A Narcissist Sends

Narcissists definitely move with the times, which is why many of them constantly troll dating sites for new victims. Chatting with a manipulator of this magnitude can be a rollercoaster experience, with dizzying heights that might lead you to believe you are in love, to gut-wrenching lows which will make you question your worth. For any raving narcissist, text message exchanges are a great way to reel in victims and follow through with their master plans for ultimate control over them. Are you texting someone you suspect to be a narcissist? The examples below could confirm your suspicions.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack