What is psychological abuse?
Psychological violence or abuse is a form of harassment or mental abuse of a person that doesnāt involve physical violence. Itās part of, but not limited to, domestic violence. It can be found in the workplace (a superior towards an employee), in the family (a family member who makes comments), or through a fake friendship.
š Unlike physical violence, mental violence is invisible. But we can recognize it through acts or words that seem harmless, but which will generate a growing sense of unease by being repeated.
The desire to hurt
Sometimes we think things through and hurt someone we love. Does this mean that weāve committed emotional abuse? To find out whether youāre a toxic person, you need to distinguish between two things: whether itās conscious or unconscious, and whether itās repeated.
ā ļø When someone consciously commits emotional abuse, their aim is to manipulate and dominate their victim through toxic behavior that we can learn to identify.
How can psychological abuse be identified?
Itās vital that you learn how to detect psychological abuse, particularly in a relationship. Thatās where itās most likely to be found. You should therefore look out for:
- Belittling and bad-mouthing with this kind of statement: āYou donāt do anything, you donāt know how to do anything anyway, whatās the point of me asking you to do anything!ā
- Discrediting: āYouāre talking rubbish, poor thing!ā
- Insults or humiliation: āYouāre not going out like that, are you? Have you seen what you look like?ā
- Threats or blackmail: āIf you talk about it, you wonāt be able to see the kids again!ā
- Deliberate forgetfulness: āOh no, I donāt remember you telling me that!ā
- Accusations and blaming: āItās your fault weāre always arguing, you donāt do anything to help the situation!ā
- Fake jokes / unfunny jokes: āYouāre fired, next Monday youāre clearing out your desk! No, Iām only joking!ā
- Indifference
A tool exists to help us identify this kind of abuse: the violentometer. This indicator was originally created for women in the context of domestic violence, but anyone can use it! By using it, you can learn to detect the following points:
š Intimidation, threats, insidious innuendo, anger, a desire to control, criticism, bad-mouthing, etc.
The aim is to sow seeds of doubt in the victimās mind by constantly making contradictory statements, telling lies, implying things or leaving things unsaid. Whatās the worst part? The manipulator says heās doing it for good reasons (love, budget, children, etc.). The victim is always the guilty party in the eyes of the other person. The manipulator says heās acting as a result of the victimās behavior. This is another way of turning the tables and blurring the traces of psychological abuse.
Who are the victims of psychological abuse?
The fact that the perpetrator of psychological abuse is manipulative doesnāt help victims to become aware of this toxic game š. So how do you know if youāre being abused then? There are some unmistakable red flags that are present in many contexts.
Itās often women and children who are the victims of a jealous spouse, a boss who doesnāt trust them, a father who puts pressure on them... The patriarchal construct influences men to behave in unhealthy ways and become narcissistic perverts. However, men can also be victims of psychological abuse, especially if they show their emotions and sensitivity easily...
The consequences of mental abuse
When youāre a victim, you have the impression that the aggressorās right. You end up feeling guilty, inferior and incompetent. This creates a great deal of psychological suffering that gives rise to numerous symptoms:
- Trouble sleeping,
- Chronic fatigue,
- Depersonalization,
- Generalized anxiety,
- Trouble concentrating,
- Depression,
- Eating disorders,
- Substance addiction (smoking, alcohol, drugs)
- etc.
As a result of being repeatedly subjected to acts or words of psychological abuse, the victim will develop numerous emotional shocks and significant trauma. Whatās more, the perverse effect of mental abuse is that it creates an emotional anesthetic. As a result, the victim often displays paradoxical behavior and finds it difficult to separate from or fight the aggressor, which is what characterizes Stockholm syndrome.
What should you do if youāre a victim of psychological abuse?
Itās difficult to recognize that youāre being psychologically abused, especially when you have low self-esteem. We always play it down because weāre often being mentally manipulated. Nevertheless, from the very first remark, you need to identify the abuse so that you can then break the bond of domination.
š If in doubt, ask yourself the following questions: Am I being put down? Do people say things that make me feel devalued? Does this happen often?
Talk, act, rebuild yourself
Itās essential that you find an ally among your close ones to talk to. If youāre isolated, itās important to have external support, such as an association that helps victims of psychological abuse. If you see someone you know being a victim of emotional abuse, you need to help them on the road to awareness.
The final stage is to rebuild your life, away from the person who caused all the violence. Itās important to have psychological counseling if youāve been mentally abused. This is necessary to regain self-confidence and to overcome post-traumatic stress disorder.
Editorās note: Psychological abuse is just as destructive as physical abusePsychological abuse may be less visible than physical abuse, but itās just as destructive. Not to mention the fact that the victim is often met with incomprehension from those around them. The first step is to spot this verbal abuse and understand the mechanisms involved in order to free yourself from this hold. Hold over you, control, manipulation, emotional blackmail, dependency, harassment, passive-aggression, etc. are all possible mechanisms. If you think you may be a victim, or if you have the slightest doubt, donāt wait to contact a psychologist.
š¤ Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... Itās here and now!
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