I feel like crying but the tears never come
There are hypersensitive people, like me, who cry a lot and then there are those who are incapable of shedding a single tear. Not because they don’t want to, but because they just can’t, like this person I know. So I know how difficult and frustrating it can be, especially at very difficult times like during the stages of bereavement 😥.
So why is this? What is it that makes some people unable to get their tears out? There may be several answers, starting with a major emotional block.
>>> Read; Why does crying feel so good?
This is the number 1 reason I mentioned to my friend. Indeed, the inhibition of emotions is often the main cause of tears that don’t come out. By repressing all feelings, a real block sets in. These people have often been taught that showing their emotions is a sign of weakness, so they do everything they can to bury them deep inside. This bad management of emotions prevents them from connecting with themselves and being able to cry 😔.
A problem of upbringing
Little boys are often told not to cry, that it’s only for girls. This sexist upbringing prevents men from developing and listening to their emotions. That’s why many men can’t cry, because they think it’s a sign of weakness.
Psychological and physical violence
Repressive education is a scourge, but it could be much worse. Victims of physical and psychological violence disconnect from their feelings in order to protect themselves. This often happens during childhood, but this state of dissociation can also occur in adulthood when there is a very abusive relationship or trauma. Here again, the individual cuts themselves off from their emotions, not because of cognitive biases, but because they are defending themselves.
👉 It’s an unconscious survival mechanism! The lack of tears can be a major testimony to a complicated, even traumatic life path.
Unfortunately, psychological illnesses can also be the cause of a lack of tears, particularly because of anhedonia. This is a symptom that disconnects the sufferer from their emotions, especially in the case of depression. The brain’s neurotransmitters are unable to properly transport information and emotions, so crying no longer occurs. Torpor, brought about by schizophrenia, has the same mechanism and also causes poor transmission of feelings.
It’s also possible to suffer from more minor disorders, such as anxiety, and also have difficulty crying. Here it’s more a question of the thoughts provoked by the anxiety disorder, rather than a symptom.
And treatments 💊?
Medication prescribed for certain mental illnesses can have the side effect of shutting down emotions. This is the case with antidepressants, which are selective inhibitors.
Why can not being able to cry, be such a problem?
Now that we’ve seen the main reasons for a lack of crying, some people may think that it’s not a problem. But it is because tears are just as necessary as smiles. Admittedly, we don’t solve our problems by crying, but tears do a lot of good and are very liberating. They relieve tension and allow us to calm down and take time. Once we’ve cried, we’ve evacuated a lot of negative emotions, and we can have a clearer mind to find a solution.
Tears also convey information, they’re a means of non-verbal communication. When we see someone crying, our empathy kicks in, and we try to help them. Unless we ourselves are disconnected from our emotions and don’t care. It’s quite typical of narcissists by the way...
“There’s something sacred about tears. They’re not signs of weakness, but of strength. They’re the messengers of immeasurable sorrow and unspeakable love.”
- Washington Irving -
What do you do if you can’t cry?
You do what you’re doing. If you’re reading this article, it’s because you’re looking for a way to understand what’s causing the block. Finding the origin allows you to act on the consequences, namely not crying 😢. Obviously, this introspection is difficult to do alone, and the best thing is to consult a therapist, or even a psychiatrist, especially if there are symptoms of depression or another psychological illness.
It’s a long and tedious job, but it’s crucial to relieve your emotions. Some people take up sport, meditation or even therapeutic writing to take a dual approach. However, when there’s emotional suffering, this remains superficial work and doesn’t allow you to go deeper and meet your emotions. That’s why therapy remains the best option for reconnecting with yourself and your tears.
Editor’s note - A sign of courage
Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but of courage. It takes courage to reach inside yourself and show your emotions. However, not everyone can do this, as Camille explained. Cognitive behavior therapy or EMDR therapy, in the case of trauma, are both suitable when you have a block. Don’t hesitate to seek help now so that you can move forward and connect with your emotions.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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