What Does Narcissistic Abuse Feel Like? Clue; It's Awful

My personal experience with narcissistic abuse and its impact on me

Hindsight is a powerful thing. Now, years after walking away from my emotionally abusive partner, I can finally accept that I was a victim of manipulation and control. Writing that sentence brings tears of pride to my eyes because, for years, I was in denial about suffering from narcissistic abuse syndrome. I constantly made excuses for my ex’s cruel behavior, convincing myself he would change, even as he tore me apart emotionally. No matter how many times he made me feel worthless, I forgave him and clung to the hope that things would get better. It wasn’t until much later that I realized I had been trapped in a toxic cycle. Here are the signs you need to recognize if you think you might be a victim too.

>>> Read: How a narcissistic relationship changed me

10 symptoms of narcissistic abuse - Signs you are a victim

1) You often feel humiliated

If your partner constantly makes you feel small or awkward, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship. In my case, my ex would make inappropriate jokes about me in front of our mutual friends to put me down. Verbal abuse, especially in public, is a major red flag that should never be ignored.

2) Your opinion never matters

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) believe they know best, no matter the situation. They dismiss your opinions, even if you’re an expert in the subject. This constant disregard can make you feel invisible and undervalued.

3) Your feelings are always cast aside

Narcissists lack empathy, making it nearly impossible for them to understand or care about your emotions. Healthy relationships are built on open communication, but if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells every time you’re upset, it’s a sign that something is seriously wrong.

4) You feel controlled

Narcissistic partners thrive on control. If you can’t make plans with friends without your partner trying to talk you out of it, or if they demand access to your phone and messages, you’re in a controlling relationship. This behavior is a major red flag and should not be tolerated.

5) You constantly feel guilty

Victims of narcissistic abuse often feel guilty for their abuser’s actions. Narcissists are experts at manipulation, convincing you that you’re to blame for their outbursts or even physical violence. This cycle of guilt keeps you trapped in the relationship.

6) Your stress and anxiety are off the charts

Narcissistic abuse often leads to intense stress and anxiety. Victims feel like prisoners to their emotions, unable to escape the constant attacks on their self-worth. The emotional toll can be overwhelming and difficult to manage.

>>> Discover the 5 symptoms of anxiety

7) Outsiders notice you’ve changed

One of the most telling signs of narcissistic abuse is when friends and family notice a change in you. Victims often become withdrawn, losing their spark and energy. If people are pointing out that you seem different, it’s worth reflecting on why.

8) You’re scared of your partner

Fear is a common emotion in abusive relationships. If a raised voice or a simple disagreement makes you feel unsafe or on edge, it’s a clear sign that your relationship is toxic.

9) You feel dependent

Despite the abuse, many victims feel indebted to their abuser. You might convince yourself that no one else could love you the way they do, or that they’ve “saved” you in some way. This dependency keeps you trapped in the cycle of abuse.

10) Your confidence is at rock bottom

Narcissists are skilled at destroying your self-esteem to keep you under their control. By breaking your confidence, they ensure you won’t leave or expose their behavior to others.

>>> Learn exactly Who narcissists target

What is a narcissistic rage episode?

Narcissistic rage is the uncontrollable anger that arises when a narcissist feels threatened or disrespected. This rage can manifest as verbal or physical violence and is often aimed at causing maximum damage. Even after the perceived threat is gone, the anger lingers, impairing their judgment and leading to shouting, slandering, or worse.

How does a narcissist treat their partner?

Narcissists often start relationships with overwhelming affection, only to tear their partner down piece by piece once they feel secure in their control. They may humiliate you under the guise of humor or destabilize you with false promises of a future together. When they sense they’ve gone too far, they’ll switch back to complimenting you, creating a confusing cycle of hot-and-cold behavior. This manipulation keeps you hoping for the relationship to return to its initial “honeymoon” phase, which will never happen.

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