I’ve got a problem. It’s not a serious problem, but it’s one that’s often brought me to my knees. Yes, for a long time, I didn’t know how to delegate, whether it was work or chores. Fortunately, I’ve treated myself and I’ve managed to improve. But still, why are there people like me who can’t delegate? I thought I’d look into the matter, and here are some answers.
I can’t manage to delegate tasks, whether at work or at home, because I simply feel that it won’t be done as well as if I do it myself. It’s probably my inflexible side that needs everything to be done according to MY vision of things. Except that there are as many ways of doing things as there are human beings on Earth. So why should the way my partner does laundry be any worse than mine 😅?!
It’s a mistaken belief, but it has to be said that society doesn’t help us much when we’re women. Let me explain. We’re used to taking on a lot more (if not all) of the mental load. From childhood onwards, we’re conditioned to do everything for others, and we become convinced that we’re the only ones capable of fulfilling this role. Except, spoiler alert, everything can be learned 😬!
👨👩👧 I’ve often seen mothers in this kind of situation. I think the conditioning is exacerbated by the arrival of a baby. Mothers have a lot to deal with, and fathers often take a back seat. So very often, when the father decides to help, the mother can’t delegate because she’s worried about her child’s well-being. Long live the patriarchal society, eh! |
Let’s face it, you start to let go and tell yourself that you need to delegate. Using the example above, in order to delegate tasks, you need to explain them. Sometimes you just don’t feel like doing so 😖! We end up telling ourselves that it will be quicker if we do it ourselves and give the instructions to a third party.
Except we’re forgetting one thing. There will be an explanation, which will certainly take a little time, but it will only be given once. At least, even if we have to say a few things again, it will never take as long as if we did it every time ourselves. That’s what I try to tell myself when I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to go into detail 🙃.
A word of advice Avoid giving explanations and handing over tasks when you’re in a rush. I’m not just talking about work, but also in your personal life! If you’re pressed for time, you’re going to be a bit more stressed, you’ll have more trouble dealing with your negative emotions and as a result, that’s when conflicts and arguments can arise! So choose your moment carefully and put your laziness to one side. |
Entrusting something to someone else is giving a bit of your trust. There’s nothing harder than giving someone your trust, especially in a situation where you don’t know them very well. I already find it difficult having confidence in myself, so having enough to pass it on is a complicated matter.
In fact, what’s behind all that is the fear of being disappointed and the fear of failure 😨. Well yes, let’s imagine that the other person doesn’t manage to do what I’ve asked them to do, I’d feel like my trust had been betrayed. So of course, we’re not talking about trivial little tasks, but things that are much more important. When you entrust a new recruit with a customer portfolio, you don’t trust them. Even if you’ve done everything to recruit the right person, the disappointment would be too great.
💀❌ Except that mistakes can happen to everyone. I think you need to learn to put things into perspective and tell yourself that it’s not a big deal, no one’s going to die. I know it’s difficult, but it takes the pressure off a bit and helps you learn to trust other people a bit. |
Control makes me feel better. I feel calm when I’ve got everything in hand, and I’ve visualized a ton of potential unforeseen events. OK, I admit that in reality this feeling of control and reassurance from “non-delegation” hides my anticipatory anxiety, or quite simply my anxiety altogether.
I bet I’m not the only one who experiences the great satisfaction of being in control from A to Z of things no less that are totally trivial. Not that it’s dictatorial (or so I think), but it feels good to know that everything is under control, at least on the surface 🤐.
Letting go of the reins Indeed, not delegating gives us a feeling of control, but this is often illusory. We feel as if we’re considering every possible scenario, but very often life catches up with us and calls us to order. That’s why we need to learn to let go and tell ourselves that in any case, that’s life and there are sometimes good and bad surprises! |
As far as I’m concerned, I’m unable to delegate for these reasons. As I said, I’m working on it and I hope my little food for thought will help you too. Chin up ✊!
Editor’s note - Move forward with othersLearning to delegate isn’t easy when you’ve never done it before. It’s even more complex when you’ve faced disappointment. That’s why you need to work on your trust and tell yourself that in any case, it’s impossible to do everything yourself. Of course, it’s not easy doing this on your own, so why not meet with a coach to help you get to grips with these issues? In just a few sessions, you’ll feel a boost, and you’ll have learned to let go a bit more! 🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now! #BornToBeMe |
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Article presented by Lauren Hart
Writing is a beautiful means of expression that I cannot do without. It has allowed me to channel my hypersensitivity, plus I love writing about psychology and personal development. For me, self-understanding is the best way to move forward!
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"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
- Oscar Wilde
