I'm Incapable Of Apologizing, But Is That A Crime?

Last updated by Katie M.

It doesn't exactly bother me if my housemate has to take a cold shower because I used all the hot water, or if I accidentally stained a coworker’s white shirt with my morning coffee. I understand their resentment, but I can’t apologize. Is it my ego or the desire to be honest that prevents me from asking for forgiveness?

“Oh, it seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word… ♫”  Acknowledging your wrongdoings is a sign of greatness and apologizing is proof of humility. People who ask for forgiveness easily are wise and brave, I understand. No matter how serious my mistake, I just can’t apologize… But I have good excuses!

Why I can never admit my wrongdoings

Apologizing is an insult to my pride

No matter how many times I say, “I’m sorry”, “Forgive me”, “Please don’t be mad at me”, it always sounds to me like, “I’m so mean, do you want me to grovel at your feet?” It’s just us, so admit it, not saying sorry gives such a satisfying sense of superiority! Some people look sorry to even exist, but let it be known that I’m not one of them. Whoever can make me feel guilty for existing and for being me hasn’t been born yet. Although there are codes of decorum, from the moment we live in a community, we expose ourselves to the risk that others will hurt us, even unconsciously. I have my pride; a fiery temperament, and I will never renounce my personality.

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I’d rather be real than a hypocrite

I remember the last time I said sorry. One of my coworkers had missed the bus because we were talking, and the conversation went on forever. It was more a combination of factors than a malicious, premeditated act, but the end result was the same… So, to maintain the peace, I said those famous words. Forced and coerced. And I regretfully thought that few apologies are truly sincere and spontaneous.

Underneath my proud exterior, I’d much rather be someone who is stubborn but honest, who sticks to their guns and who doesn’t question their behavior, than someone who makes empty apologies. To all those smooth-talking hypocrites who look you straight in the eye and say sorry when they don’t mean a word of it and couldn’t care less about you… An apology is sacred! Either you mean it, or you don’t say it. Put yourself in the shoes of someone you’ve hurt before saying something you don’t mean. There’s nothing worse than hearing an “I’m sorry” that oozes irony.

I don’t comfort others in their misfortune

It’s a sad fact that humans are not known for being kind to their fellow man. So, when someone has been hurt, pushed around or offended, you’d best run for your life! Don’t see this as a sign of cowardice, just a strategy to protect yourself. If I could guarantee that my apologies would be accepted, I would hesitate much less. But it seems you can’t forgive everything, so… I don’t want to put the ball in their court.

By evading the issue so as not to entertain a vicious game of revenge and resentment, I also spare those I’ve wronged. By not saying sorry, I don’t pity them and I don’t comfort them in their misfortune. “Oh, poor thing, I’ve stained your shirt, your life is ruined” … no! I’d rather give them the impression that it’s not a big deal and hope that they will react with dignity.

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Editor's opinion: Become aware of it and change this harmful behavior

‘Admitting weakness is impossible, apologizing would be like saying ‘I’m showing you what I’m lacking in’, «explains the psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre*. Some people, more serious cases, are impeded, viscerally incapable of apologizing. According to the doctor in psychology and psychoanalyst Moussa Nabati, this mental block or “inner impediment” is linked to a feeling of badly managed guilt. They prefer to shut themselves off in denial rather than accept their wrongdoing and the harm they may have caused to others.

This behavior can be harmful, as the psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre explains, “We can tell ourselves that we’ve always been like that, but we’re wrong. Those who don’t want to change will end up isolating themselves and being rejected.” If you’ve recognized this behavior in yourself or in one of your loved ones, become aware of it, as change can only come from within. Learn to manage your guilt and love yourself more.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

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