Tips On How To Say No, When You Don't Want To Do Things

Last updated by Katie M.

So that’s it then, you find yourself trapped for the weekend, forced to take on more work, to look after your nephew or to go away with your in-laws. Well, what do you expect? You always say yes to everything! Being agreeable may seem like a good trait on paper, but in reality, it can make you unhappy and draw you into uncomfortable situations. Struggling to refuse requests can often be put down to an innate fear of offending or disappointing people. The time has come for you to put yourself first as well as listen to your own desires.

Contents:

5 Ways to say 'no' without feeling bad about it

It’s often the need to be liked and appreciated that drives us to say yes, straight away, without even thinking about it, to everything anyone ever asks us. This stems from feeling frustrated and having low self-esteem. Now, no more feeling trapped, here’s how to assert your opinion more easily:

1. Use the phrase “yes but…”

To do this, you have to rank your priorities. For instance, if you need to rest, but someone invites you to a party, say “yes, but I’m only going to stay until 2am”. Likewise, if your boss gives you more work to do, on top of all the work you already have, say to them, “yes, but at the moment I have more urgent work to do, I will take a look at it after”. So, you get the picture now!

>>> Discover the 8 things you shouldn't care about.

2. Take the time to think to things through before deciding

When someone suggests something to you, you don’t have to agree straight away, take time to think about it. Mindfulness mediation might help you. This will allow you to work on acting less impulsively.

3. Put forward your arguments but don’t justify yourself

If you argue “no”, the person you are talking to can hear your reasoning straight away. This allows you to explain yourself, but without getting aggressive and especially without justifying yourself by making up far-fetched excuses. Be honest and explain yourself.

4. Defend your private life

You have a right to want to have some alone time, to have your own plans, to be with your own family or partner. Basically, there are times when you’re not available, and that’s normal. Once you have accepted this fact, you will feel more comfortable turning people down and will be able to make the most of YOUR life.

5. Hang on in there

If those around you have always heard you say yes, it’s going to be hard for them to accept you deciding the opposite. That doesn’t matter, it’s your choice, so stand firm and simply repeat what you said before without giving in.

>>> Learn how to be assertive at work

And what about at work? How can you assert yourself professionally?

By wanting to do everything all the time, more or less willingly, burnouts claim more and more victims. That’s why it’s essential to know how to resist strong reluctance from time to time. Refusing to do things means taking back control of your planning at work, but also means becoming more productive. Basically, you’ve got every reason to disagree with your boss.

The reasons why should you say no:

  • To show that you are truly in tune with your values
  • To respect your boundaries and yourself
  • To increase your self-confidence
  • To get enjoyment out of everything you do
  • To regain your freedom to choose
  • To not suffer
  • To look after yourself and your health

Why is it difficult to say no?

Struggling to say no and to put yourself first are symptoms of being too nice. In fact, the reluctance to say no stems from the urge to avoid conflictual arguments and dramas. Indeed, being agreeable is the best weapon to defuse tension. Not wanting to let people down may seem totally normal, but it shouldn't mean that we often find ourselves pulling off mission impossible in order to avoid losing friends. Refusing to always be so agreeable doesn't make you a mean person, instead it means you are concerned for your own welfare. Asserting yourself by appearing firm is, above all, loving yourself, respecting yourself, and it’s essential for your mental health and self-confidence. What if we finally learned to say yes to ourselves for the sake of our own happiness? We’ll show you how to go about it.

Editor's opinion - Give it a go!

Saying “no” is a real learning process, you should practice it a bit every day. It’s hard at first, but when you see how good it is for you, you won’t be able to stop. Wave goodbye to frustration and anger, you’re now free! Learning to say “no” might take you a while, but as long as you don’t lose sight of your objective, you will finally be able to take the reins of your life and be proud of yourself. Good luck!
If your inability to say “no” lands you in impossible situations or puts the brakes on your life, it might be time to contact a therapist. Together, you will get to the crux of the problem and will find solutions.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe


Discover the following articles:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Why Do We Feel Better In The Evening When We Have Depression?

If there’s one symptom that can be observed in any type of depression, it’s fatigue. Intense fatigue that sticks to the skin and holds us back like a ball and chain. The problem with this fatigue is that it occurs mainly in the morning, which is one of the reasons why, in the case of depression, we feel better in the evening than in the morning.

Pay Transparency: Why Is Talking About Your Salary So Taboo?

If there’s a world where taboos abound, it’s the world of work. Avoiding opening up, avoiding emotions, avoiding closeness, avoiding anything personal, but above all, the opaque mystery of salaries! The ban is there, never stated, never established, but its scent floats around the subject of salaries. But why is talking about your salary so taboo?

What Job Can Reconcile Your Professional And Home Life?

As the saying goes, ‘we can’t have it all’, but is that really true? Establishing balance in your life is never exactly an easy challenge, but it is the secret to creating happiness is finding the sacred line between your job and your family. That’s right, it's essential to ask yourself how you organize your life, so you can make the most of every moment. So, what job will allow you to reconcile both aspects of your life?

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

What Is Gaslighting And Why Is It So Dangerous?

Gaslighting is one of the most destabilizing and covert forms of manipulation out there, and often makes victims feel completely lost and broken. This scary scenario essentially involves brainwashing via deception and is frequently characterized by blatant denial and emotional blackmail. ‘No, darling, I would never lie to you. I love you too much for that. Remember, it was you who stained my collar with lipstick... you forget everything.’ This is a classic example of this type of abuse, and trust me, I should know because I’ve been through it...

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Narcissists often get bad press, and although many of us try to see the best in most people, in their case, it can be extremely difficult to find. The truth is, folks with this personality disorder don’t exactly have many redeeming qualities that could potentially help to excuse and explain their borderline evil behavior. Plus, when it comes to love, their lack of empathy means they have next to no loyalty, which means many of them often end up cheating on their partners. Ladies, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the alarm bells ought to be truly deafening.

Help, Why Do I Attract Narcissists?

After a succession of dating disasters, I decided that it was time I took a step back to analyze the root of my consistent heartbreak. Being on the dating scene is tough, and meeting new people just isn’t as easy as they make it out to be. Although, that being said, meeting toxic monsters seems to be a lot less complicated, well at least for me, it seems that way, that’s right, I have a real talent for it. So, after deleting all of my apps and going on a dating hiatus for several months, I finally understand why I attract people with narcissistic personality disorders, who do nothing but break me down and subject me to narcissistic abuse.

Can You Have A Healthy Relationship With A Narcissist?

I’ve always been very open with my dating history, so if you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll probably already know that, none of my relationships have ever fulfilled me, or even made me feel good about myself. In fact, since dating my most recent partner, who was by the way a raging narcissist, I’ve decided that I need to take a break from love, and instead, spend more time on finding myself. How did I get to this point? Well, when I was with my ex, no matter how hard I tried, our love disintegrated, well at least for me, it did. I can now firmly say that all the tears, arguments, and pain have taught me that loving someone with narcissistic tendencies will only ever end in disaster, and I’m about to share why.

Is My Coworker A Narcissist?

Now, I don’t want to make you paranoid, but the truth is that narcissists are everywhere, and that’s why it’s so important to be able to spot them and their devious ways. So, with that in mind, why wouldn't there be a narcissist lurking in the office? Has that given you food for thought, and suddenly got your mind racing? Who is your number one suspect? Is it Jon; the guy who constantly hogs the photocopier, or perhaps even Emma; the backstabbing human resources manager? In any case, knowing how to identify these personalities is essential, so discover the 10 deplorable behavioral signs you need to look out for. You’ll never look at your coworkers in the same way again!

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
    3:54
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack