Let’s put our heads together and attempt to identify the origins of our blushes when it comes to sex. Sex is a fundamental aspect of our lives and it’s important to recognize that if we want to feel nourished and open.
These 3 fears prevent us from speaking about sex freely
1. Fear of being different
When we think of societal pressure we often clam up and worry about what others might think of us. When this happens, tell yourself well, there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to have sex. There are as many ways of looking at sex as there are people doing it. And then if there was only one method, fantasies would not exist; how boring would that be?!
Everyone has different tastes and expectations in the bedroom. We must therefore be aware of what we like, and not judge ourselves. After this stage it is easier to accept ourselves and to free our speech. There is no harm in pleasuring yourself! And who knows, maybe you could inspire a few girlfriends.
2. Fear of rejection
To talk about sex is to expose oneself both literally and figuratively. According to our modesty, one can feel vulnerable and sometimes we can even be afraid of hurting the other person. And this fear of rejection prevents us from expressing our desires... In fact, it’s difficult to have a fulfilled sex life... It is therefore essential to open up to the other person and to express your desires.
Don't skip the steps; start off slowly, by evoking your least daring expectations, you will see how a positive reaction from your partner will encourage you to continue your exchanges, in order to create mutual trust and complicity. It will also be the best way to remedy any boredom and boost your partner's sex drive.
3. Fear of being considered incompetent...
Sex is such a subjective subject and very broad, which is why we ought to avoid labelling our skills. As we said earlier, there is not only one way to have sex, so there is a good chance that you will not know your partner's preferences and that you will waste precious time beating around the bush....
Your partner will be grateful if you ask him about his wishes. Do you care about his pleasure? He will definitely appreciate you wanting to find out more because perhaps no one has asked him before. It’s up to you to find out what works for you and what you both need!
Are you struggling for inspiration? Maybe your girlfriends will help you to be more creative! Although, after the 3rd glass, we decline all responsibility.
You see, the subject is actually not so complex, the rules of the game are built with two, and can be enriched over time. Although, for that it is essential to communicate well without fear, all whilst eliminating taboos. If you think that you are missing some of the Chef's secrets or that you don't have the right language or knowledge to pass this stage successfully, don't hesitate to contact a sexologist who will be able to give you all the necessary advice and information. Then, why not share your experiences to your girlfriends so that they can benefit from it.
The editor’s opinion: Be open and proud
Express yourself in a frank but not guilt-tripping way. Choose the right time and the right words: talk about your preferences rather than criticize, for example. Also think about non-verbal communication. Guiding your partner can be a lot of fun. If talking about sex is difficult for you, then it can be interesting to find out why with a therapist or sex therapist.
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