The Reasons Why We Get Jealous In Relationships, And How We Can Control It

Last updated by Katie M.

Jealousy or the green-eyed monster as it’s commonly known has a certain knack for derailing even the most solid and established relationships. It’s fair to say that once this strong and somewhat frightening emotion rears its ugly head, peril reigns and plunges us into the unknown. We’re here to discuss where this emotion comes from, why so many of us succumb to it. Plus, we'll also touch on what we can do to avoid this envy sabotaging our love life moving forward.

The Reasons Why We Get Jealous In Relationships, And How We Can Control It
Contents: 

Controlling jealousy is an emotion that follows us through life

Jealousy is one of the rawest emotions and although it’s not something we should be especially proud of; we are all human at the end of the day and therefore all experience it. Envy follows us through each stage of our lives and is a very prevalent and telling sentiment. Just think back to high school, for example, when you (like so many other girls of that age) spent hours slating the group that called themselves ‘The Plastics’. Despite them not even knowing your name, their perfect teeth, brace-free teeth, and perfectly coiffed hair was enough to make you despise them, all because you were envious of what they had and the attention it conjured.Jealous girls

Fast-forward another 30 years and although you probably no longer wear beat-up Converse every day and waved goodbye to your Orthodontist many moons ago, jealousy is still an important feature in your life. Yet now the stakes are way higher. You now no longer risk upsetting the class queen bee and being conveniently left off the popular kid’s house party list, but throwing your relationship into jeopardy.

>>> Read; My sister is jealous of me, what can I do?

What are 3 reasons for jealousy?

From a somewhat innocent-seeming text message that your partner didn't show you, to your man being followed on Instagram by his drop-dead gorgeous new coworker, there are a multitude of explanations as to why our envy sparks. However, that being said, many of the reasons go deeper and are quite revelatory.

1) Lack of self-confidence

Having a poor image of yourself, whether you constantly criticize yourself or believe that you are way less pretty than 99% of womankind, will lead to a toxic surge of envy. Not being able to value yourself for who you are and what you have to offer will see you feeling unworthy of love and affection. If we constantly hold other people in such high esteem yet hate ourselves, we’ll inevitably always compare and torture ourselves.

2) Trust issues

Once our trust has been betrayed, it can be hard to rebuild. We’ve all had our hearts broken and been betrayed, or even cheated on at least once, and shaking off these memories is easier said than done. 

Trust is the bedrock in love, but can’t develop if we are instinctively suspicious and doubtful. In short, if we constantly assume the worst, then it’s only natural for envy to arise.

3) Societal norms

From high-profile affairs to 9 romcoms out of 10, society exposes us to cheating in every form and although this may seem fairly innocent when it’s televised, it plants seeds of doubt about our own lives. How many times have we seen the main character of a series run off with the hot blonde despite him being in a relationship? And what if this happened to us?!

>>> Read; Am I too demanding in a relationship?

How to manage your jealousy and save your relationship

Your love life doesn’t have to be catastrophic and unstable just because you suffer from jealous tendencies. Follow these 3 tips to control your envious urges.

1) Communicate openly with your partner

Whenever you feel yourself getting suspicious, sad, or angry, open up to your partner and discuss how you are feeling and more importantly why. Your partner perhaps doesn’t even realize that certain actions trigger this emotion in you, which is why listing your insecurities is essential. Likely, this conversation could even bring you closer together and give him a more profound understanding of you.

2) Distract yourself

Putting things into perspective and moving on by taking your mind off things will instantly calm you down. It will also give you the time to reflect on the situation before jumping to any sort of conclusion.

3) Appreciate yourself

Whenever testing situations crop up, use them as a lesson and invest your energy into loving yourself. Instead of beating yourself up about the way you feel, praise yourself for who you are and focus on what you have to offer. Self-love will help you realize how special you are and will prevent you from constantly putting yourself down.

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

When we consider healthy relationships, we often think of trust, respect, and strong communication. Although, when we are head over heels in love, we often become fearful that we’ll lose our partner, which is where jealousy begins to develop. That being said, a mild form of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy, and proves that you care about your partner and that you don’t want to lose them. This level of jealousy also helps to reinforce our feelings towards our partner too. However, if it leads to fights and arguments between you and your partner, then it can become troubling.

Does jealousy mean you care?

It is difficult to conceive of a love relationship that is totally devoid of jealousy. In fact, it is not uncommon to think that a person who is not jealous at all does not sincerely love their partner. As a result, the two feelings are commonly associated. In fact, jealousy is a response to the threat of a third party to a relationship we are attached to and therefore means we care. It is the fear of having one's partner stolen by another person, and therefore the desire to keep the relationship, that is at the root of this feeling. In this sense, jealousy is less a proof of love towards one's partner than a will to keep possession of him/her. If the feeling of love often induces in fact the instinct of possession, the opposite is not necessarily true, and it is therefore not directly love that explains jealousy.

Editor’s opinion – Don’t let envy get the better of you

Jealousy is a normal emotion, yet it is a lot more threatening and dangerous for our emotional relationships as adults. Although outbursts can be forgiven, they often leave their marks further down the line and create an unhealthy and suspicious space. Just because you get envious every once in a while, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person; however, you should try to work on yourself in an attempt to remain in control.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

We think you might also enjoy:

Article presented by
Katie, M.

"🌻 Discover the world through my eyes."

Comments

love

nur, 2 years ago

Read our latest articles here:

How To Have An Orgasm? 6 Tips To Let Go And Enjoy!

How many times have I heard my friends say they couldn't reach orgasm during sex? We all deserve to experience pure pleasure when we're intimate. Personally, when I have sex, I know I’m going to orgasm. Why? Because there are a few key secrets to guarantee pleasure every time. Just like I shared them with my friends, I’m sharing them with you now—let’s dive in! [Yes, this article is specially for people with a vulva!]

Ghosting: When Silence Becomes A Brutal Breakup

One message, then two, then three… but still no response. Ghosting is a cruel breakup method that leaves you completely confused. Suddenly, you have no way to reach someone with whom everything seemed fine just moments ago. Being ghosted is incredibly difficult to handle, which is why it's important to talk about it. I’ll explain what’s behind this behavior and how to heal from it—because even though it’s extremely painful in the moment, you can move past it.

Shadow Work: How To Embrace Your Dark Side?

We all have a shadow side within us, myself included. Just like villains in movies, there are darker aspects of our personality that we prefer to hide from others. However, it’s essential to embrace these shadow parts because, as psychiatrist Carl Jung famously said, "There is no light without shadow." Let’s explore how acknowledging our "dark" side can lead to better psychological balance.

I Want My Parents To Be Proud Of Me—Why?

I'm over 30 years old, and I still feel happy when I share a success with my father. I know it brings me joy, especially since my mother is no longer with us. However, I've never really questioned it: why do I need to feel that my father is proud of me? More broadly, why do we seek our parents' approval? Wanting to make our parents happy is one thing, but it's important to reflect on this more deeply—especially if their approval plays a significant role in our lives.

The 10 Weak Points Of A Narcissist Revealed

Each one of us has our own weaknesses that hold us back in life; be it at work or in relationships. However, on a more positive note, most of us have the will to work on them and transform them. That being said, once narcissists are brought into the picture, the idea that they want to work on their weaknesses doesn’t exactly seem feasible. For a deeper understanding of these narcissists and more insights into the workings of their minds, discover their weak spots and which pointers they struggle with on a daily basis, yet aren't willing to admit or work on 👎.

10 Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually - Romance Is Dead

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. 🙈 Discover the weird things narcissists do in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

Who Do Narcissists Target?

If reading up on narcissists terrifies you, you probably already realize how dangerous their toxic personalities can be. Although, that being said, I’m probably going to add to the list of reasons as to why you should be ultra wary of these abusers, by revealing who they prey on. One thing that can be said about narcissists is that they certainly aren’t predictable people! 😱 Plus, spoiler alert, they don’t necessarily always choose to emotionally abuse seemingly weak people, no, in fact, they often choose bigger fish to fry because they love a challenge. Discover the types of personalities they hone in on and why.

Why Do I Get Upset When Someone Doesn't Text Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

Are Narcissists Insecure?

There is no denying that narcissistic personalities display some deeply worrying and disturbing traits, but what if these devious traits were just a means of protection? What if they were in fact a complete facade, fabricated to keep people away, in the hope of hiding their deepest darkest insecurities? 😱 After all, everyone has weak spots, even the most confident and put together of people, so why wouldn’t a narcissist deal with the same niggling doubts as everyone else? It's time we got to the bottom of this and discovered why these folks are so insecure.

How To Heal From The Pain Of Being Rejected

Whether it’s the breakdown of a relationship, a family dispute, or even being fired dismissal... We have all experienced the feeling of being rejected, excluded, or left out. Whilst some people manage to bounce back quite quickly, others suffer from it in a persistent way. As for me, I understood how to move on, because I was able to recognize my rejection wound. So, how can we overcome the fear of rejection and move on from it?



Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:17
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack