The Reasons Why We Get Jealous In Relationships, And How We Can Control It

Last updated by Katie M.

Jealousy or the green-eyed monster as it’s commonly known has a certain knack for derailing even the most solid and established relationships. It’s fair to say that once this strong and somewhat frightening emotion rears its ugly head, peril reigns and plunges us into the unknown. We’re here to discuss where this emotion comes from, why so many of us succumb to it. Plus, we'll also touch on what we can do to avoid this envy sabotaging our love life moving forward.

The Reasons Why We Get Jealous In Relationships, And How We Can Control It
Contents: 

Controlling jealousy is an emotion that follows us through life

Jealousy is one of the rawest emotions and although it’s not something we should be especially proud of; we are all human at the end of the day and therefore all experience it. Envy follows us through each stage of our lives and is a very prevalent and telling sentiment. Just think back to high school, for example, when you (like so many other girls of that age) spent hours slating the group that called themselves ‘The Plastics’. Despite them not even knowing your name, their perfect teeth, brace-free teeth, and perfectly coiffed hair was enough to make you despise them, all because you were envious of what they had and the attention it conjured.Jealous girls

Fast-forward another 30 years and although you probably no longer wear beat-up Converse every day and waved goodbye to your Orthodontist many moons ago, jealousy is still an important feature in your life. Yet now the stakes are way higher. You now no longer risk upsetting the class queen bee and being conveniently left off the popular kid’s house party list, but throwing your relationship into jeopardy.

>>> Read; My sister is jealous of me, what can I do?

What are 3 reasons for jealousy?

From a somewhat innocent-seeming text message that your partner didn't show you, to your man being followed on Instagram by his drop-dead gorgeous new coworker, there are a multitude of explanations as to why our envy sparks. However, that being said, many of the reasons go deeper and are quite revelatory.

1) Lack of self-confidence

Having a poor image of yourself, whether you constantly criticize yourself or believe that you are way less pretty than 99% of womankind, will lead to a toxic surge of envy. Not being able to value yourself for who you are and what you have to offer will see you feeling unworthy of love and affection. If we constantly hold other people in such high esteem yet hate ourselves, we’ll inevitably always compare and torture ourselves.

2) Trust issues

Once our trust has been betrayed, it can be hard to rebuild. We’ve all had our hearts broken and been betrayed, or even cheated on at least once, and shaking off these memories is easier said than done. 

Trust is the bedrock in love, but can’t develop if we are instinctively suspicious and doubtful. In short, if we constantly assume the worst, then it’s only natural for envy to arise.

3) Societal norms

From high-profile affairs to 9 romcoms out of 10, society exposes us to cheating in every form and although this may seem fairly innocent when it’s televised, it plants seeds of doubt about our own lives. How many times have we seen the main character of a series run off with the hot blonde despite him being in a relationship? And what if this happened to us?!

>>> Read; Am I too demanding in a relationship?

How to manage your jealousy and save your relationship

Your love life doesn’t have to be catastrophic and unstable just because you suffer from jealous tendencies. Follow these 3 tips to control your envious urges.

1) Communicate openly with your partner

Whenever you feel yourself getting suspicious, sad, or angry, open up to your partner and discuss how you are feeling and more importantly why. Your partner perhaps doesn’t even realize that certain actions trigger this emotion in you, which is why listing your insecurities is essential. Likely, this conversation could even bring you closer together and give him a more profound understanding of you.

2) Distract yourself

Putting things into perspective and moving on by taking your mind off things will instantly calm you down. It will also give you the time to reflect on the situation before jumping to any sort of conclusion.

3) Appreciate yourself

Whenever testing situations crop up, use them as a lesson and invest your energy into loving yourself. Instead of beating yourself up about the way you feel, praise yourself for who you are and focus on what you have to offer. Self-love will help you realize how special you are and will prevent you from constantly putting yourself down.

Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?

When we consider healthy relationships, we often think of trust, respect, and strong communication. Although, when we are head over heels in love, we often become fearful that we’ll lose our partner, which is where jealousy begins to develop. That being said, a mild form of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy, and proves that you care about your partner and that you don’t want to lose them. This level of jealousy also helps to reinforce our feelings towards our partner too. However, if it leads to fights and arguments between you and your partner, then it can become troubling.

Does jealousy mean you care?

It is difficult to conceive of a love relationship that is totally devoid of jealousy. In fact, it is not uncommon to think that a person who is not jealous at all does not sincerely love their partner. As a result, the two feelings are commonly associated. In fact, jealousy is a response to the threat of a third party to a relationship we are attached to and therefore means we care. It is the fear of having one's partner stolen by another person, and therefore the desire to keep the relationship, that is at the root of this feeling. In this sense, jealousy is less a proof of love towards one's partner than a will to keep possession of him/her. If the feeling of love often induces in fact the instinct of possession, the opposite is not necessarily true, and it is therefore not directly love that explains jealousy.

Editor’s opinion – Don’t let envy get the better of you

Jealousy is a normal emotion, yet it is a lot more threatening and dangerous for our emotional relationships as adults. Although outbursts can be forgiven, they often leave their marks further down the line and create an unhealthy and suspicious space. Just because you get envious every once in a while, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person; however, you should try to work on yourself in an attempt to remain in control.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe

We think you might also enjoy:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

love

Read our latest articles here:

Psychological Abuse: Identify It To Get Out Of It

A little belittling remark here, minimizing our emotions there... So many little things that show us that we’re being psychologically abused. It may seem trivial, but that’s the problem. We downplay it too much, which makes it the most common type of abuse. So, how do you identify psychological abuse? What should you do if you’re a victim? Let’s explain.

Behavioral Disorders: The List & Their Definitions

I suffer from an eating disorder, and several people around me have a mood disorder. I’m not completely unfamiliar with behavioral disorders, or at least not these. However, there are several types of disorders and they can even affect sexual behavior. So how do you define them? Here’s a list and some definitions related to behavioral disorders.

How Do Narcissists Behave Sexually?

As with many things in life, narcissists also have unhealthy relationships with sex and treat it as nothing more than a self-gratifying activity. After all, manipulation, control, and emotional abuse are their so-called trusty weapons that they hide behind in most circumstances, so why wouldn’t they call on them in the bedroom too? The bottom line is people with this personality disorder are used to getting what they want and will only ever put themselves and their pleasure first, which doesn’t bode well for a healthy sex life. Discover how they behave in the bedroom and what you should do if you are involved with one.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

I Constantly Need Recognition

Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like I do things according to others. My choices and my behavior have long been dictated by the approval of others. As I’ve got older, I’ve learned to assert myself and detach myself from what others might think of my actions. Why do we constantly seek this validation, and how can we get rid of this need for recognition when it becomes toxic? Having been there myself, I’ll explain it all to you!

How To Camouflage Your Cellulite At The Beach

You were well on your way. You were holding on, motivated by the idea of finally having a bikini body this year. But then the lockdowns and the laziness all hit you at once... That’s right, your cellulite is still there and not ready to leave just yet. But guess what?! Cellulite is like a little pimple, either we own it, or we resort to using tricks to camouflage it.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do We Always Need To Have The Last Word?

Today, I’m focussing on a habit that drives me crazy: wanting to have the last word. It’s probably because I’m not very good at comebacks or self-confident enough that I’m both fascinated and annoyed by people who always want to be right. But why do they always want to have the last word? What’s behind it?

I Still Suck My Thumb As An Adult

In general, thumb sucking ends around the age of 6. I say “in general” and not “normally”, because as an adult I don’t feel weird or particularly bothered by it. When I get stressed, I allow myself to let go and return to my childhood self by sucking my thumb. Those who know about it or catch me by surprise make me realize I should be ashamed… But is this habit a big deal? What if it makes me feel better? It’s certainly no worse than lighting up a cigarette or biting your nails…

Why Do Hugs And Physical Contact Make Me Feel Uncomfortable?

There are people who don’t like to be touched at all, and who are almost disgusted by physical contact. There are people who like to caress and be caressed for anything and everything, and there are people like me who always recoil when someone tries to touch them. Why do I shy away from physical contact? What if it’s all linked to the past?

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack