Pornography In A Relationship, And Why Not?

Last updated by Rosie Harlow

Couple’s pillow talk. The topics keep on coming up, we open up, and we discover: “What, you watch porn too?” So we watch porn on our own. It’s a shame, isn’t it? Why don’t we do it together? It could be good, it could spice things up, it could inspire us, why not... So, a relationship, with or without porn?

Pornography In A Relationship, And Why Not?

Pornography, the big taboo in a relationship?

Watching porn: commonplace or a shameful practice? In any case, whether we assume it (more or less well) or not, this practice remains, most of the time, solitary. Within a relationship, each of the two members will tend to take advantage of a moment alone to cum in two clicks. Then there’s the question of what we tell each other. Do we know when our partner is watching porn? And do we tell each other when we do? But in fact, whether we admit our little masturbation viewings to each other, a taboo can remain in the couple when it comes to how often.

Indeed, an ifop study from June 2014 already showed at the time that “consumption of pornography is a practice that’s less and less taboo or subject to tension within the couple. [On the other hand] despite more transparency in the relationship, women still strongly underestimate their partner’s consumption of pornography...”

According to the study, 5% of women say that their partner watches porn once a week, while 13% actually do so. The opposite is true when men are questioned. They think that 5% of their wives watch porn once a week, whereas only 2% of them do.

In short, if as a couple we tell each other much more naturally that we watch pornographic films, we seem to be selling ourselves a bit of a dream when it comes to evaluating our partner’s consumption. Proof that we don’t really tell each other everything, but after all, should we tell each other everything in a relationship? Instead of over or underestimating your partner when it comes to what he/she watches, why not watch it together 🏩?

>>> Read; How to get back your sex drive

You, me, in the bedroom, right now 🍑 with your computer 💻

Also, according to our 2014 study, 69% of people say they’re willing to watch an X-rated film with their partner. That’s good news! Whether you’re in a relationship or not, masturbating, with or without porn, is essential, but so is making love! So inviting porn into your sex life as a couple opens the door to another kind of pleasure for both of you.

A little viewing session between consenting adults: why X-rated is good in a relationship?

Bringing something new into a couple’s sex life is always a good thing. It strengthens the relationship and also allows you to discover each other. You learn more about what the other one likes. Porn is an opening to our most intimate fantasies. It can therefore serve as a basis for confiding in the other person. If we play the game, we can accept to open up to our partner and confide in them what we like to see, hear, what excites us, and also what we absolutely don’t like.

X-rated films also add spice to a relationship. They stimulate or increase excitement, they can be a defense against a drop in libido, and they also develop the imagination. Although I personally don’t believe in the educational virtues of porn (👉 remember that they’re films, therefore fiction and actors and actresses who are playing a role), I can’t deny that they give ideas in terms of situations, contexts and of course positions. After that, as far as learning the art of cunnilingus or how to better caress a penis or a breast, it’s better, in my opinion, to turn to books rather than using porn to improve your technique.

With enough open-mindedness, when porn is watched as a couple, it brings benefits both sexually and to the relationship!

  • discovery of each other’s desires and fantasies: dialogue is simplified
  • anti-routine
  • boosts libido
  • stimulates excitement
  • inspiration and even letting go
  • sharing as a couple: reinforces the time spent together, more complicity and bonding
  • more honest relations

Porn in a relationship, yes, but not anyhow

As you know, not everything is simple and excess is bad for everything. You probably already know the risks of porn, but I’ll offer you a reminder 💉 that can do some good.

  • Developing complexes about your body or sex life and letting porn take up too much space in your mind. Pornography shouldn’t affect your sex life. Basically, don’t expect your partner to be and act like what you saw in a movie, because... it’s just a movie.

Films

© PRODUCTION / MARVEL

"Have you seen my big hammer?" Never forget that porn is a movie, with actors and actresses, a script and editing. Like all films, it’s fiction!

  • Thinking that porn depicts a reality where women are insatiable and completely devoted, where men perform well and are always dominant, where the practices are increasingly hardcore and where in the end everyone comes together.
  • Establishing the trinity of fellatio, penetration (vaginal or anal), and ejaculation as the golden rule and a prerequisite. This is often what you see in X-rated movies, but in real life you can be much more imaginative than that. Have you thought about slow sex, for example?

How to live in harmony with pornography?

We all know X-rated movies aren’t a cure-all, they’re far from the most ethical, open, and least addictive thing you can do. That’s why, when introducing porn into your personal life and in your relationship, you have to keep a few things in mind (besides keeping something in hand 😜).

Porn isn’t automatic, neither for masturbation nor for sex with your partner.

Watching porn is the little extra something that changes your everyday life and spices things up 🌶️. If it interferes with your sex life too much, or even becomes addictive, it may become too intrusive and disturb your desire and pleasure. The same applies to your partner. Addictive solo porn consumption reduces interactions with your partner, and the attraction you feel for each other, and can cause problems in achieving orgasm. Always ask yourself if you can manage without porn and if you feel bad not watching it. For you and your partner, porn should bring pleasure, not pain or tension. If this is the case, seeing a sexologist can help you to take stock and rediscover a more fulfilling sex life.

>>> Read; What is a sex addiction?

Let’s not forget consent.

When they find out that we watch porn, the other person may feel excluded. He or she may feel compelled to watch X-rated films with us without feeling desire or pleasure. Even worse, our partner may want to re-enact certain scenes or positions in order to bond with us, but without feeling pleasure for him or herself. ⚠️ No one in a relationship should be forced, or even feel forced, to watch porn. But again, pornography can be useful, without it being watched by both members in a couple, it can still lead to a discussion (ideally without judgement, without tension) and to a better knowledge of each other. I can’t stress this enough, communication with honesty and respect is crucial to a couple. Dare to talk about porn and your sex life in general.

What if we let go of youporn?

We can have fun and focus on porn that’s not problematic, not sexist, more diverse and that treats actors and actresses with respect. Ethical porn is pleasurable, without the guilt. In addition and among other things, the representations are realistic and therefore less likely to give us a complex, in short, pleasure as we like it, with a good conscience.

I’d like to finish by adding that if I am in favor of porn in a relationship, it’s absolutely not an injunction and even less of an obligation. No sexual pressure! You don’t have to get pleasure from watching porn, you may not want to share porn viewing with your partner, and you may not even want to watch porn, the most important thing is that you’re honest with your partner and yourself.

Editor’s note: Porn or not, enjoy yourself!

As you’ll have understood, porn in a relationship can be a good idea as long as you have certain rules in mind. Whether it’s with or without porn, live your sex life as you wish, with respect for each other, that’s the only rule that applies! If you don’t feel fulfilled sexually, if you don’t manage to find what pleasures you have, it may be interesting to talk about it in order to understand and put in place new habits. Don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a psychologist.

🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!

#BornToBeMe

Be sure to check out these articles too;

Article presented by Rosie Harlow

Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. For as long as I can remember, I have always used paper as a punching bag. Get to know me, I am Rosie Harlow.

Read our latest articles here:

Why Do I Feel Bad When People Don’t Message Me Back?

Friday night rolls around and after a hard week you were expecting to have a drink with a girlfriend, but she seems to have left you hanging on read... To make matters worse (and the humiliation?) you even saw the little typing sign appear, yet you never received a reply. Well, if that’s the case, obviously you or your "how about a drink tonight?" didn’t deserve an answer. Let’s take a look at why some people don't reply to messages, and why when someone doesn't reply to your text, this makes us feel so bad.

Do Narcissists Enjoy Kissing?

Kissing is a deeply intimate act, and although in popular culture it is often classed as only being worthy of first base, it does in fact go way beyond that toxic evaluation. We have no doubt all had at least one lingering kiss that we’ll never forget; one which left all of our senses tingling and hungry for more. 💏 Well, that memorable smooch left us reminiscing because it was sincere and meant something. In short, it encapsulated love and romance, which are two things that narcissists are quite simply incapable of feeling.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. 💔 However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

I Never Thought I’d Say This, But I Hate Working From Home…

Work has always been a synonym of repression for me because it takes up so much of our precious time. Let’s be honest, a 9-5 job with a horrendous daily commute often means that work is sadly our sole occupation. So, when the Covid-19 pandemic struck over a year ago, and we were all ordered to stay home, I found it hard to hide my joy in front of my distraught coworkers; although thankfully my acting talents saved me. You can probably already tell, but going into the office every day was nothing less than torture for me. Yet, all these months later, I’ve realized that I despise working from home and would do anything to sit in my uncomfortable office chair once again!

Do Narcissists Play The Victim?

If you have ever had the displeasure of encountering someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, then you’ll no doubt already know how manipulative they are. Indeed, these folks despise taking responsibility for their actions and will do whatever it takes to avoid taking the rap for them, including play the victim. That’s right, these master puppeteers won’t hold back on pulling the strings and changing the narrative so that it suits them. Plus, they know exactly how to turn the waterworks when they want to get people on side.

I Have A Problem With Authority, Argh!

With all the orders my parents gave me, I thought I was armed for school, but as soon as I was at pre-school, my parents were summoned because I refused to do what the teacher told me. As I grew up, it became increasingly difficult to tell my manager where to get off, summoning my parents was no longer an option, but the intolerance to authority remained. Can we reconcile ourselves with authority, whether it is a silent or uncontrollable difficulty?

Can You Sleep With Someone On The First Date?: Judgement Free Zone

“Never on the first night!” We’ve all heard or uttered this phrase before. But here you are, in front of someone attractive, looks are exchanged, and the temperature rises little by little. This is when the angel and the demon on your shoulders start the debate: Is it better to wait before sleeping with this stranger? Or can you give in to the temptation? You wouldn’t want to be thought of as promiscuous, but at the same time, you only live once. We’ll tell you right now how much patience you can or can’t have!

My Sister Is Jealous Of Me

“In any case, you’re the favorite.” I’ve heard this phrase coming from my sister’s mouth over and over again. For a long time, her jealousy spoiled our lives, but I only wanted one thing: for us to be close and united. She poured her resentment in my face for many years until it got out of control. I couldn’t stand feeling so much anger and guilt at the same time. Soothing 30 years of jealousy hasn’t been easy, but there are ways to avoid getting to that point. I didn’t want jealousy to cut me off from my sister!

10 Signs You Are Dating A Narcissist

Even though we all grew up dreaming of the perfect Disney-esque romance, we no doubt all wholeheartedly agree that relationships certainly aren’t easy, yet they are made even tougher when a narcissistic partner is added to the mix. As someone who has previously dated a guy with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), I’ve decided to share the 10 ultimate red flags and warning signs that your Prince Charming is actually more of a poisonous frog than anything else.

Am I A Narcissist?

You are no doubt here because people have pointed out to you that you love being the center of attention and on top of that, you have a huge sense of entitlement, right? Or perhaps it’s because you lack empathy and have a grandiose sense of self-importance? If you are nodding your head to either of the previous scenarios, the following signs in our narcissist test will in fact reveal whether you have narcissistic traits that could be diagnosed as a disorder. Our 10 steps diagnostic tool is here to confirm or refute your suspicions, so let’s get started.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Invalid date
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:17
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41

How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack