What Is A Sex Addiction, And Is It A Real Thing?

Last updated by Katie M.

When we hear about sex addiction, Michael Douglas, Tiger Woods or Leïla Slimani’s novel “Adèle” come to mind. But what really is sex addiction? How can it be defined? Can we compare it to drug, gambling or alcohol addictions? Having sex how many times per day constitutes a sex addict? We’ll answer all your questions.

Contents: 

What is sex addiction?

Definition of sex addiction

According to the dictionary, â€śaddiction is a process by which a human behavior allows access to immediate pleasure by reducing a feeling of internal discomfort. It is accompanied by an inability to control this behavior despite being aware of its negative consequences.”

An under treated addiction

The concept of sexual addiction was introduced in the mid-1970s in Boston by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. This illness was later the subject of a book by Patrick Carnes in 1980 called Out of the Shadows. Today, it is still much debated and influenced by religious beliefs.

>>> Discover how narcissists behave sexually

Understanding sex addiction

The behavior of an addict

A real addict can’t stop thinking about sex all the time and performing sexual acts with a partner or with themselves through masturbation. We talk about an addiction when this behavior prevents them from living normally or from having a normal professional and social life. For example, as soon as they have a few spare minutes, a sex addict will always look for a place to masturbate, a person to have sex with or will watch pornography.

Sex addiction takes several forms:

  • compulsive masturbation
  • addiction to pornographic websites
  • debauched visits to swinging or strip clubs
  • addiction to dating apps
  • use of cyber sex

Sex as a way to calm down

As with every addiction, the aim is to chase away anxiety and calm your mind. The search for pleasure is a way of thinking of something else and occupying your mind positively in order to calm yourself down. It’s this constant search for calming down that pushes you to constantly repeat a sexual act, but once this feeling of calming has disappeared, a feeling of something missing remains, which is typical behavior for an addiction. This lack translates into despair, sadness, depression and emptiness.

The difficulty defining a sex addict

The problem with defining sex addiction, unlike addictions to smoking or drugs for example, is that it’s difficult to quantify. If a couple agrees to have sex more than 3 times per day, that’s fine. However, if one partner only wants to have sex 3 times per month and the other 3 times per day, that’s where they will have a problem and one of them may accuse the other of being addicted to sex.

To summarize, sex addiction is characterized by:

  • A loss of control over sexual behavior
  • A sexual dependence expressed by a compulsive need to act despite the potentially negative consequences
  • Psychological suffering linked to this dependent behavior (guilt, shame, depression…)

>>> Find out why sex is so hard to talk about

Note: Sex addiction never leads to aggressive behavior. This addiction leads to the consumption of sex, flirting, seduction, but never aggression. Predators or rapists aren’t sex addicts.

Curing a sex addiction

Behind this addiction, there is mainly a problem of anxiety (even generalized anxiety disorder), stress and anguish. Sex addiction can also stem from a trauma, it’s a way of disconnecting from your emotions. Another cause to be treated may be attachment disorders. Sex then becomes a means to fill this void in many ways. In short, there are many possible causes of the addiction and only a professional analysis can determine them. These deeper problems can be treated with psychotherapy, psychoanalysis or with the help of a sexologist. It’s therefore work to be done with a professional, and it can take time. Like with all addictions, the patient must admit their dependence and want to be cured. Without the will of the addict, there can be no cure.

Editor’s note – Don’t be afraid to talk about it

Taking the first step and making an appointment for a consultation about a sex addiction can be very difficult. The fear of being judged often prevents addicts from getting treatment. But sexologists are there to listen to the person suffering. An addiction is the result of great psychological suffering, whatever the type of addiction. You therefore shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it and seek help.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe


More content:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Leave a comment

Read our latest articles here:

Who Are We?

Want to know who's behind Wengood? A team of passionate people in search of wellness. Here, we share with you our stories, our trials and tribulations and our advice to help you move forward on the path towards serenity.

Lauren Hart - Editor

I have always loved to write, since the dawn of the Internet. For as long as I can remember, I have been blogging about my life, sorrow, and joys.

4 Tips For Learning To Love Yourself: Say Goodbye To Self-Belittlement!

“I’m ugly”, “I’m not good enough”, “I'm not capable of doing anything”, these are thoughts we've all had, it's fair to say at times we can be our own worst critics. That being said, when we don't like ourselves and how we are, it can be difficult to embrace a good sense of self-esteem, which makes the road to appreciating ourselves even rockier. However, this is the key to achieving fulfillment and equilibrium. By learning to love ourselves, we will be able to feel good, both in our bodies and minds.

How To Make New Friends

Remember in middle school when you got close to that girl with pigtails, asked her if she wanted to be your best friend, and the next thing you know, you became BFFs? What a sweet moment that was, but, if only things remained that easy 30 years later. As an adult, it’s so much more difficult to make new friends, and often find it impossible to find the courage needed to approach people. If you want to expand your social circle, we have 6 pieces of advice to help you along the way!

Why Do I Always Feel Guilty?

Are you the type of person who constantly feels the need to apologize without having done anything wrong? Would you for example feel bad about being late to a meeting if your car broke down on the way? Do things that are totally out of your control make you feel terrible about yourself? We all perceive guilt differently, and some of us are far more susceptible to feeling culpable than others. We reveal where this tendency comes from and what you can do to learn to shake it off. It's time you freed yourself from these self-imposed shackles of guilt!

10 Secrets To Successful Relationships

Stories of couples who spend their whole lives together seem like distant fairy tales nowadays. With the rise of dating apps and a shift in the idea of what constitutes a traditional relationship; the word long-term almost sounds foreign to many of us. Being in love isn't always simple, but when it works out, it's worth all the hard work. Being the romantic souls that we are, we wanted to share with you the recipe for a long-lasting and harmonious relationship. After all, who doesn't want to experience what their grandparents did? Discover the best tips for a happy and healthy love story.

Are You Scared Of Success?

Amid the fear of failing hides another fear that is less often spoken about, and that's the fear of succeeding. Doing well isn’t necessarily the key to happiness, that’s why there may be times when we fear it. Although it might seem strange, when we start to achieve our personal goals, we open ourselves up to a wave of new emotions that aren't exactly always easy to deal with. When we are caught off guard by our results, we often go into panic mode and struggle with this concept, however that's not to say we should let this hold us back.

Self-Love Checklist

Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and whilst I'm sure we'd all agree that at times we are lucky enough to experience dizzying highs, at other points, we all go through gut-wrenching lows that really do bring us crashing down. Feeling good about ourselves 365 days a year is certainly a big ask, but it's definitely not impossible, and I'm proof of that! Psst, lean in, I want to let you into a secret! Whenever I'm feeling down or when my anxiety spins out of control, I take a look at my self-love checklist for inspiration and decide that it's time to make myself feel better about things.

Teaching Men To Be More Emotionally Honest

As a self-confessed emotional sponge and anxiety sufferer, I've always found men's unwillingness to deal with their emotions surprising. I've always had a turbulent relationship with my emotions, however, over the years, I've learned that introspection and honesty have helped me to deal with them effectively. Men, on the other hand, typically have a tougher time opening up and taking the time to understand what they feel, but although it may seem difficult, acknowledging their fears, anxieties, and dreams will catapult them to the ultimate stage of happiness.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

How to detect a narcissist


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to soothe an anxiety attack