What Is A Sex Addiction, And Is It A Real Thing?

Last updated by Katie M.

When we hear about sex addiction, Michael Douglas, Tiger Woods or Leïla Slimani’s novel “Adèle” come to mind. But what really is sex addiction? How can it be defined? Can we compare it to drug, gambling or alcohol addictions? Having sex how many times per day constitutes a sex addict? We’ll answer all your questions.

What Is A Sex Addiction, And Is It A Real Thing?
Contents: 

What is sex addiction?

Definition of sex addiction

According to the dictionary, “addiction is a process by which a human behavior allows access to immediate pleasure by reducing a feeling of internal discomfort. It is accompanied by an inability to control this behavior despite being aware of its negative consequences.”

An under treated addiction

The concept of sexual addiction was introduced in the mid-1970s in Boston by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. This illness was later the subject of a book by Patrick Carnes in 1980 called Out of the Shadows. Today, it is still much debated and influenced by religious beliefs.

>>> Discover how narcissists behave sexually

Understanding sex addiction

The behavior of an addict

A real addict can’t stop thinking about sex all the time and performing sexual acts with a partner or with themselves through masturbation. We talk about an addiction when this behavior prevents them from living normally or from having a normal professional and social life. For example, as soon as they have a few spare minutes, a sex addict will always look for a place to masturbate, a person to have sex with or will watch pornography.

Sex addiction takes several forms:

  • compulsive masturbation
  • addiction to pornographic websites
  • debauched visits to swinging or strip clubs
  • addiction to dating apps
  • use of cyber sex

Sex as a way to calm down

As with every addiction, the aim is to chase away anxiety and calm your mind. The search for pleasure is a way of thinking of something else and occupying your mind positively in order to calm yourself down. It’s this constant search for calming down that pushes you to constantly repeat a sexual act, but once this feeling of calming has disappeared, a feeling of something missing remains, which is typical behavior for an addiction. This lack translates into despair, sadness, depression and emptiness.

The difficulty defining a sex addict

The problem with defining sex addiction, unlike addictions to smoking or drugs for example, is that it’s difficult to quantify. If a couple agrees to have sex more than 3 times per day, that’s fine. However, if one partner only wants to have sex 3 times per month and the other 3 times per day, that’s where they will have a problem and one of them may accuse the other of being addicted to sex.

To summarize, sex addiction is characterized by:

  • A loss of control over sexual behavior
  • sexual dependence expressed by a compulsive need to act despite the potentially negative consequences
  • Psychological suffering linked to this dependent behavior (guilt, shame, depression…)

>>> Find out why sex is so hard to talk about


Note: Sex addiction never leads to aggressive behavior. This addiction leads to the consumption of sex, flirting, seduction, but never aggression. Predators or rapists aren’t sex addicts.


Curing a sex addiction

Behind this addiction, there is mainly a problem of anxiety (even generalized anxiety disorder), stress and anguish. Sex addiction can also stem from a trauma, it’s a way of disconnecting from your emotions. Another cause to be treated may be attachment disorders. Sex then becomes a means to fill this void in many ways. In short, there are many possible causes of the addiction and only a professional analysis can determine them. These deeper problems can be treated with psychotherapy, psychoanalysis or with the help of a sexologist. It’s therefore work to be done with a professional, and it can take time. Like with all addictions, the patient must admit their dependence and want to be cured. Without the will of the addict, there can be no cure.

Editor’s note – Don’t be afraid to talk about it

Taking the first step and making an appointment for a consultation about a sex addiction can be very difficult. The fear of being judged often prevents addicts from getting treatment. But sexologists are there to listen to the person suffering. An addiction is the result of great psychological suffering, whatever the type of addiction. You therefore shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it and seek help.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!

#BornToBeMe


More content:

Article presented by Katie M.

Discover the world through my eyes.

Read our latest articles here:

Between Bliss And Suffering: Who Is The Child-Like Woman?

But who is she really? The child-like woman. It’s all in the name, but not quite fully, either. Admittedly, the child-like woman has become an adult, because we all go through that, but she hasn’t “grown up”. So she juggles all her facets: cute and sexy, fresh and annoying. The child-like woman is above all a subject of fantasy, for better or for worse. Let’s explain.

6 Examples Of Moving Farewell Letters, It’s Time To Open Your Heart

"Love stories usually end badly." As you know as well as Les Rita Mitsoukos, love isn’t a direct path to eternity. Sometimes it disappears from our hearts, leaving a great emptiness, if not fierce hatred. That’s when it’s time to say goodbye, and a letter can sometimes be the most effective way of saying exactly how you feel and explaining why you’re leaving. Here are 6 examples of farewell letters, to say goodbye, ciao, or bye-bye to a loved one, but also to a friend or, more sadly, to a loved one who has died.

How Do You Know A Narcissist Is Cheating?

Narcissism is wholly incompatible with healthy relationships, which goes some way in explaining why people with this personality disorder always believe the grass is greener elsewhere. Indeed, fidelity isn’t something they excel in and adds to their exhaustive list of weaknesses alongside their love of manipulation and dishonesty. However, they are so cunning and crafty that catching them out and confirming your intuitions is no easy feat. To make things easier for you, here are the 10 signs you need to look out for if you believe your narcissistic man is cheating on you.

6 Reasons Why Narcissists Never Apologize - They Hate Saying Sorry

I’ll be the first to admit that my stubbornness means I’m not exactly the most willing person when it comes to uttering the words ‘I’m sorry’, but I always push through my pride; although unfortunately, the same can’t be said for narcissists... Indeed, people who suffer from this personality disorder will simply never hold their hands up and accept responsibility for their actions, despite how deeply they’ve hurt your feelings. You know the idiom getting blood from a stone, right? Well, when it comes to apologies from these toxic personalities, nothing is more appropriate, and here are 6 reasons why!

Do Narcissists Always Come Back?

You're probably thinking that once a narcissist has upped sticks and fled, he'll never dare to show his face again, however, quite the opposite is true. The reality is that these folks are like bad smells, there's no getting rid of them quickly, therefore regardless of all the pain, hurt, and trauma they've put their victims through, they'll always make a comeback, just to prove that they are still in control. In fact, no matter how much time has passed, these torturous monsters will always eventually rear their ugly heads, just to get in that one last vicious blow. Discover which 10 circumstances they'll decide to show up in their exes' lives.

How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

You probably know by now that narcissists only ever look for one thing and one thing only; and that’s control! Whether in their personal or professional life, folks with this personality disorder need to be in the driving seat and the one calling the shots, otherwise all hell breaks loose. Although their cunning and manipulative nature means they are often hard to escape, it is still possible to turn the tables on them and take the upper hand. Yet, you’ll need a thick skin to do so because when they feel their power slipping away, they become even more dangerous and abusive; here’s how they react when that happens.

10 Signs The Narcissist Discarding Phase Has Been Activated

The most important thing to understand when dealing with a narcissist is that their reign of terror won't last forever. Now, whilst their torment underway, it will no doubt be one of the most harrowing things you can mentally go through. However, when the abuser decides they've had enough of you, they'll halt their horrific abuse in a heartbeat and look for someone else. People with narcissistic personality disorders are constantly on the lookout for new prey and when they find someone who fills their criteria, they'll move into the discarding phase of their plan. After all, they aren't very eco-friendly, their motto is out with the old, in with the new!

What Does A Narcissist Hate?

Narcissists are experts in the field of duping and manipulating their victims, yes, that’s right they are true chameleons, which explains why many of them often go undetected. Their behavior is definitely dangerous and means we definitely need to figure out what makes them tick and, in this particular case, what they hate. Understanding what these entitled personalities dislike is one of the keys to best exposing them and freeing their victims from their grip. Now, we all get angry for one reason or another, but people with this personality disorder have different triggers related to the things they despise.

10 Reasons Why Your Ex Slept With Someone Else After Your Breakup

We are all unique individuals, and we, therefore, go about handling breakups and the other obstacles life throws our way, differently. Now, when it comes to breakups, there are those of us that almost become celibate and decide that they can't stand the idea of getting to know anyone ever again. Then, on the other hand, there are those that fill their phones with dating apps and jump from one one-night stand to the next. This second scenario may seem harmless, but once we dig a little deeper into the repercussions of it, we soon realize that sleeping with other people so freshly out of a relationship masks troubling sentiments of unhappiness and uneasiness.

Can A Narcissist Be Faithful?

Narcissists often get bad press, and although many of us try to see the best in most people, in their case, it can be extremely difficult to find. The truth is, folks with this personality disorder don’t exactly have many redeeming qualities that could potentially help to excuse and explain their borderline evil behavior. Plus, when it comes to love, their lack of empathy means they have next to no loyalty, which means many of them often end up cheating on their partners. Ladies, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the alarm bells ought to be truly deafening.

Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist

wengood

  1. Only LoveBen Howard
    4:08
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
    3:54
  3. Fix YouColdplay
    4:55
  4. Beautiful DayU2
    4:08
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
    4:41
  6. White FlagDido
    4:00
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
    4:13
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
    3:17
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
    3:35
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
    4:24
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
    3:07
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
    4:37
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
    3:46
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
    2:19
  15. With Or Without YouU2
    4:56
  16. HelloAdele
    4:55
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
    3:29
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
    3:21
  19. WingsBirdy
    4:12
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar
    3:41


"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde


How to detect a narcissist

How to detect a narcissist

How to soothe an anxiety attack

How to soothe an anxiety attack