Am I just nice, or TOO nice?
Lots of people think that you can't just be kind, that you always expect something from others in return. Respect, complacency, or even love. However, sometimes our kindness is not rewarded. In my experience, I can't say that others really took advantage of my kindness. They just didn't care about my feelings and under the pretext of wanting to avoid conflict I never used to respond to unpleasant remarks and was always careful not to hit back. I often wondered if this or that person really deserved my friendship and kindness, and the answer was not obvious.
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I had a hard time saying ‘no’
People who are too nice have the hardest time when it comes to saying ‘no’. In short, being afraid to establish your thoughts, as well as the fear of hurting other people’s feelings often gets you into uncomfortable situations, that ironically end up making you feel bad. All this happens because we are unable to set limits on others. We can't assert ourselves, say no and stand up for ourselves. The difference between being nice and being too nice is the ability to put yourself first, without making yourself feel bad for others. This is difficult, but not impossible.
How can you stop being too nice without becoming a monster?
Being kind is not a negative trait. Empathy is essential, although what needs to be changed is the fear of other people's looks and the inability to set limits. The good news is that you can do that without crushing anyone and without becoming mean. In reality, there aren't the good guys on one side and the bad guys on the other. You just have to be able to express yourself, have fulfilling relationships and live happily.
1. Don't apologize all the time.
Try to go a whole day without saying "sorry" and you will realize how much you use that word. Often over the smallest things, you probably feel the need to appease your guilt. Why not try replacing "sorry" with "thank you". You will soon see that your relationships will improve.
2. Also, (first) think about yourself.
When someone asks for your help, your affection and time, instead of running to that person, ask yourself first if you can do it. Have you done everything you wanted to do first? Have you solved your own problems? Do you have the physical and mental capacity to help right away? You have to satisfy your own needs first! This is also a good way to scare away people who just want to use you.
3. Share your wounds
As kind people, we tend to forgive too easily even though certain wounds have barely even healed. If someone hurts you, you must tell them, gently but clearly, otherwise they will never be aware of the consequences of their actions. Forgive, because resentment is useless, but don't forgive too quickly.
4. Give your opinion
Share your opinion. Whether it's a debate among friends, the choice of restaurant or the movie to see, give your opinion and don't always let others decide for you. Be assertive and don't be afraid of conflict. You don't have to look for it, but don't try to run away from it at all costs.
Editor's note - Why not be too nice?
This could be a legitimate question. It is true that kindness is a quality that we need in order to maintain good relationships. Those who are too nice are often in unbalanced relationships. They are always accommodating to other people's desires, and are sometimes kind to the point of making themselves unhappy. This behavior biases relationships. Others perceive a mask, someone who does them favors so as not to displease them, who brushes them in the wrong direction, and who lacks honesty.
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