Wanting to be in control probably isn’t just restricted to your general organization, it no doubt spills into every area of your life. Emotions are also things people like us need to manage from A — Z, whether it’s reigning in your fears, avoiding tears, or dodging affection to sidestep judgment.
Where does my need for control come from?
Life is full of unexpected events, both positive and negative. These events, especially when they are unexpected, often have a bigger impact on us than we think and only fuel our need to be in control. Taking control is a synonym of feeling strong and powerful, or in other words, a tactic to protect yourself from pain.
Perfectionism is frequently linked to the need to manage everything. Oftentimes, if you attempt to micromanage everything, you likely suffer from a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Wanting to direct everything could also imply that you are afraid of disappointing people and letting them down. Satisfying everyone is virtually impossible, but many of us convince ourselves that we can succeed in putting a smile on everyone’s face.
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Should I stop trying to micromanage things?
The answer is yes! By trying to influence everything, you lose who you really are, and the disappointments that you’ll encounter could completely demoralize you. Coming across difficult obstacles is a natural part of life and cannot be changed no matter what you do, or how hard you work.
When we take control issues too far, problems with depression could even appear when we encounter failure. Perfectionism often appears in cases where people have been through a divorce and are trying to work on themselves afterwards. On the surface, trying to be perfect doesn’t sound harmful, but in reality, it drives wedges in relationships with your partner and even yourself.
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How do I stop wanting to be in control?
The first step of letting go is learning how to relax. If you struggle to unwind, contacting a life coach could be the solution for you. Finding a haven of serenity will give you the foundations you need to forget about your troubles and take your foot off the gas. Slowing down your rhythm will help you reconnect with your body and your loved ones.
The next step is learning to open up to other people naturally without controlling your emotions. Knowing how much you mean to your friends and family will make moments with them so much more special. Break down the barriers and reveal who you really are.
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Why do I feel the need to control my partner?
Insecurity is the main reason for the need to control your partner. Despite the fact that, quite often, controlling people display an image of self-confidence and security, the truth is that they generally have low and unhealthy self-esteem. Trying to manipulate or force the other person to think, feel and act as we want only indicates that we don't feel capable of maintaining a relationship in which both people are free. There may be thoughts of devaluation and fear that the other person will discover that we're not so good, that a relationship with us isn't worthwhile, or that there are better options. Those with good self-esteem are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and, even so, consider themselves valuable and worthy of love and respect. As a result, they don't fear comparisons and don't need to restrict their partner's actions or social circle.
Editor’s note — Take things step by step
Letting go of the reigns may seem like an insurmountable task, but it should be approached slowly and surely. The best place to start is by turning to people you trust to help you to plan things. If you have an event to plan, such as a birthday party or even a wedding, why not get a friend on board and take off some pressure. Letting other people into your personal bubble to assist you will restore your confidence and show you how helpful it can be in reducing your stress.
🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!
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