The solitude of parenthood
Even though I was quite an indoorsy person, before I had a child, I spent a lot of time drinking, chatting, and dancing with my friends. After my son was born, everything changed 👶. I no longer went out after 9pm, just so I could take care of things during the night. I didn’t want to bore them with my baby’s achievements and pictures, but as he was a big part of my life, I didn’t say much anymore. When they suggested we go away for 4 days together, I flat out refused: I find it hard to leave my baby 😨... It didn’t go down well.
I won’t lie, the leap into parenthood can come with a deep sense of loneliness. Those who aren’t parents don’t know. They don’t know this new life. They’re far from it and if they’re not simply annoyed, they’re sometimes just afraid to bother you and impose. There shouldn’t be any fears, and even fewer regrets. The problem isn’t them, it’s me.
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Losing or sorting
I’ve never believed in eternal friendships that last a lifetime, so losing a few friends in exchange for my amazing baby, well you talk as if it bothers me! But at the end of the day, I haven’t really lost friends. After my baby was born, I changed and the nature of my friendships therefore changed too. I have friends who are very happy or loyal enough to come and have a glass of wine with me on my sofa, without turning the music up too loud. There are even others who come with me to the park or the petting zoo, even on a Sunday morning. Some ask me well in advance to book a restaurant so that I have the time to find a babysitter for my son, or even suggest lunches.
👉 In short, those who want to see us will always make an effort to see us!
You don’t necessarily lose friends when you become parents, you really sort through them to find the balance that fits your new life 😉. And if it’s not a child that disrupts friendships, it’s sometimes life, age, events that separate us, that make us lose each other, because nothing ever stays the same.
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The power of communication strikes again
The only piece of advice that I’d give that is true for all types of relationships is to communicate: open up your heart, say what you feel and talk about your fears. Friends sometimes don’t know where they fit into your new life as parents and if they don’t have children, they can’t guess. Even when they have children, every experience is different and nobody can read minds, so make an effort to talk to each other to understand, rather than blaming each other.
⚖️ The balance between your friends from before and the baby now comes about gradually, but friendship needs to be maintained, so keep sending a little message from time to time and answer calls.
Editor’s note: natural selection...
Losing some friends along the way can hurt because you expect to go through the big stages of life together like in the movies. It’s not always the case, but rest assured, you’ll also make new friends with whom you’ll feel more in tune. Motherhood is already one hell of an experience in itself that turns a lot of things upside down, maybe it’s not worth getting upset with people who don’t want to listen? 👉 And if the loss of certain friendships or at least the fact that you see each other less hurts you or makes you feel bad, don’t hesitate to talk to a psychologist about it.
🤗 Understanding yourself, accepting yourself, being happy... It’s here and now!
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