Why We Need To Stop Comparing Our Children - Everyone Is Different!

Last updated by Katie M.

Yes, it’s only natural to make comparisons between the eldest child and their siblings! Yet, every child is unique and develops at their own pace, with their own emotions, abilities, and personality. Just because your eldest child was potty-trained in next to no time, it doesn't mean your youngest, will be. In short, it isn't a competition, and some children feel devalued and rejected by such a behavior, so, beware of comparisons!


Comparing our children is a dangerous attitude that hurts them

Any comparison with siblings or cousins, whether negative or positive, will play on your child's mind. In fact, even if you have several children, it's best to consider each of them as individuals rather than pitting them against each other when it comes to milestones. Now, this is easier said than done, and we typically find ourselves chatting about our kids when we are among friends or during a family meal. Here, the topics of conversation revolve around children and their performance at school, for example. However, although this may seem insignificant, you must be careful what you say because your dear little ones have wagging ears and could be hurt by your words.

>>> Discover how to reduce separation anxiety in children

4 tips in order to avoid comparing your child

1) Identify their qualities and successes

Take the time to sit down, watch your child and take stock of their qualities, what they do well, areas in which they excel. What are their human and physical qualities? Don’t compare them to their siblings, it’s already difficult for some children to accept their place in the sibling group. And each one of them develops at their own pace with talents in certain areas. Remember how you were at their age! Yes, in the end, they do have some assets.

2) Congratulate and encourage

We sometimes forget, but telling your child you’re proud of them, that what they’re doing is good, and giving them a hug makes everyone feel good. With a look or a kind word, your child knows they are loved. In a big family, we sometimes forget to devote time to each one of them, and the youngest child is sometimes remanded rather than encouraged or rewarded. When progress is made, whether it’s in math, French or simply in sport, congratulations are in order!

3) Be fair

It’s so difficult over the years to raise your children in the same way! Work, shopping, taking one or the other to their different activities… all while running the house. It’s hard to do it all right! Let’s face it, it’s true for many parents, we’re not always fair. So now you’ve realized this, try to put things right. Treating everyone fairly will avoid any jealousy between siblings.

4) Show affection to everyone

Admittedly, this isn’t easy on a daily basis! We all do the best we can for our family and especially for our children. The signs of affection can be different and varied: a look, a smile, a hug, telling a friend or relative that we’re proud of our child, that they’re doing well at school… and they’re diamonds in your eyes!

You may be interested in this article >>> I miss my kids, how do I deal with joint custody?

The golden rules to follow

If it’s still difficult for you to put things right by taking a fairer attitude, keep these golden rules in mind:

  • Respect each child’s uniqueness
  • Say what you like about them
  • Explain to your child how you feel about them
  • Explain each punishment in a constructive way
  • Stay focused on the conversation you’re having with your child
  • Let them speak and listen to them
  • Put their feelings into words if they’re unable to do so
  • Help them to understand their lessons and do their homework with them if they need it

Editor’s note – Traumas come from childhood

You really must pay attention to your attitude towards your children. Traumas or dysfunctional behaviors often take place during childhood. The result is an adult who lacks self-confidence and is always trying to compare themselves to others. The love and reassurance provided during childhood is a solid foundation for building a successful person. However, everyone has their flaws. If you feel you need to work on your behavior towards your children, it’s important to talk to a professional about it. In order to think about everyone’s well-being, you must also think about your own by solving your difficulties to make better progress.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


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Article presented by Katie M.

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