How To Stop Yelling At Your Children, And Instead Get The Message Across Gently

Last updated by Katie M.

Sunday, 8.30 pm, it’s quiet again at home and I take the opportunity to make myself a promise; this week I’ll hold firm and I won’t scream at my children. Except I’ve already made myself this promise several times, yet never seem to be able to stick to it… Things have to change, but how can I get my children to listen to me without raising the decibels?

How To Stop Yelling At Your Children, And Instead Get The Message Across Gently

My kids are certainly adorable, but they don't listen...

First thing is first, you’re parents, and therefore human beings, not machines. All children have their own behavior, and it’s almost inevitable that one day or another they’ll go through a phase in their development where they become stubborn and disobedient. Your little angels, so sweet and cute, then start playing with your nerves, testing your limits, and making discoveries… more or less great.

😱 Result: you get angry and shout. In absolute terms, it’s not a big deal. Within reason, everyone has the right to snap, the problem is if this attitude happens regularly. Indeed, if you shout at your children often, do you really think that it has an impact? Does shouting at your children make it easier for you to be listened to?

>>> You may be interested in this article: Is your mom a narcissist?

7 Tips to avoid shouting at your children

1. Let go

“You give him everything” Every parent fears this sentence. We all imagine that everyone says this when they see us with our children, so we become fussy, we focus on the details, we want our children to obey at all costs, and we put pressure on ourselves. This is a bad start. What if instead of trying to have perfect children, we try to have happy children with a positive upbringing that corresponds to our values. By relaxing the rules, there is immediately less need to shout and moreover, we send a clear message that isn’t confused by several orders.

2. Look for the positive

Does your child refuse to finish their meal or scream at the top of their lungs every time you refuse to give them something? Yes, it’s annoying and yes, it tends to do your head in. Instead of focusing on the empty part of the glass, why not look for the positive from time to time? You have children, they’re fine, you’re healthy, you have a good job, nice times with your family, a lovely house, etc. Whatever it is, concentrate on what is good in your life and if need be, write it down in a notebook so that this positive thing can take on a bit more weight.

>>> Read; How to react when your child is violent

3. Establish routines

Children are little creatures who like their little routines. It’s normal, they reassure them. But routines also allow everyone to know what has to be done and when. It’s practical because it avoids you repeating yourself and ending up shouting.

4. Breathe

Remembering to breathe is still the surest way to avoid acting impulsively out of anger. When you feel you’re getting annoyed and the anger is rising inside you, isolate yourself and take the time to breathe deeply or even meditate for a little while. It will enable you to calm down and come back and discuss things with your children more peacefully.

>>> This article may help you: 4 effective breathing exercises 

5. Think about yourself

Doing things for yourself that you like to do is also and above all about stopping sacrificing yourself all the time and finding a calmer state of mind. This helps you to approach life with more ease, less frustration, and therefore without shouting.

6. Give hugs

Ah, hugs and their many powers! This small gesture of tenderness can defuse many a tantrum. A twenty-second cuddle gives a feeling of well-being and can therefore gently soothe your child… as long as they allow themselves to do so. Otherwise, don’t force it, it’ll come later.

7. Crouch down

I don’t know about you, but I hate it when someone tells me off when I’m sitting, and they’re standing. It’s the same for children. They will understand and listen to you better if you come down to their level. Look them in the eyes and explain to them calmly what you want from them.

Editor’s note: Don’t hesitate to ask for help…

If you feel you shout too often and that there is too much tension, don’t hesitate to contact a psychologist in order to take stock together of your family relationships and find solutions to rediscover a harmonious family life.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


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Wengood's favorite tunes 🎵

Wengood's playlist


  1. Only LoveBen Howard
  2. Let It BE - Beatles Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s)
  3. Fix YouColdplay
  4. Beautiful DayU2
  5. Thinking out LoudEd Sheeran
  6. White FlagDido
  7. Lay Me DownSam Smith
  8. Nine Million BicyclesKatie Melua
  9. Put Your Records OnCorinne Bailey Rae
  10. Summertime SadnessLana Del Rey
  11. Imagine - Remastered 2010John Lennon
  12. Shake It OutFlorence + The Machine
  13. Space Oddity - Love You Til Tuesday versionDavid Bowie
  14. What A Wonderful WorldLouis Armstrong
  15. With Or Without YouU2
  16. HelloAdele
  17. Don't Stop Me NowQueen
  18. Skinny LoveBirdy
  19. WingsBirdy
  20. Californian SoilLondon Grammar

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." 

- Oscar Wilde

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