10 Things To Say To Someone Who Is Gaslighting You

Last updated by Katie M.

If you've ever experienced gaslighting, you'll know just how intense and confusing this form of abuse can be. Now, this type of mental harassment is so fierce and extreme that it could destroy absolutely anyone. However, that being said, despite these abusers being so gifted in the dark arts, that doesn't mean you are completely defenseless, because they too have their weaknesses. These folks may be good at twisting, manipulating, and distorting reality, which is why we need to be so armed and on our toes around them. To throw gaslighter off track, here's what to say.

10 Things To Say To Someone Who Is Gaslighting You

Gaslighting is a rampant form of emotional abuse and often leaves victims of it feeling lost, isolated, insecure, and confused by the actions against them. Although it can be easy to feel totally defenseless when you are up against such relentless torment from a friend, family member, or partner, there are ways to break the cycle of abuse. Breaking free from a toxic environment is never straightforward, yet the first step to putting a stop to the pattern is speaking up for yourself and letting the wrongdoer know that you aren't willing to accept their behavior and that you are definitely on to them.

>>> Discover 16 examples of gaslighting phrases

What to say to your abuser, as a victim of gaslighting

10 Ways to stand up for yourself, and put your abuser in his place...

1) 'I remember things differently'

Abusers often describe a starkly different version of events when running through things with their victims. In fact, they will do everything in their power to make you look like the villain in the situation and therefore place themselves as the victim. The truth is, people who gaslight typically have such huge egos that they will never accept the fact that they can do any wrong. However, standing up to them will certainly throw them off and may even force them to rethink their claims and reconsider the presentation of their actions. That being said, don't expect them to be remorseful for them...

2) 'I need to figure things out for myself'

This phrase will immediately instill a barrier between you and the person who is taking advantage of you. By creating boundaries and setting out the narrative that you need some time alone, you will guarantee yourself a form of protection from this form of malicious abuse. Plus, you'll also send a powerful message to your abuser that you are strong enough to walk away at any moment, and trust me, this will send shivers down his spine.

3) 'You're not hearing me'

We've all been there, you know when things get a little heated and arguments spin out of control, with both parties raising their voices in an attempt to ram through their points of view - whether it be in a romantic relationship, or with family members, it happens. However, a person gaslighting will take disagreements to the next level and simply refuse to listen to anyone else's opinion or needs. By highlighting that you are aware that they are intentionally ignoring you, you'll definitely let them know that you are on to them and their despicable tactics.

4) 'I need my own space'

Taking a step back from the situation and incidentally the relationship, you will prioritize your mental health and affirm yourself in the face of your abuser. In fact, these demonic personalities fear one thing, and one thing only, and that's losing their narcissistic supply, meaning they end up alone, with no one to torment.

5) 'I'm ending this conversation'

When it comes to belittling situations, it's super important to know when to walk away and cut contact. When we are worked up and faced with someone who is completely and utterly unwilling to listen to us, trying to get our point across is a total waste of time and effort. The healthiest idea, when faced with this situation, is to shut down the conversation, likewise, it's also a strong synonym for seizing the power and embracing control.

6) 'I get that you're angry, but so am I'

When the gaslighting becomes too intense, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and put your feelings out there. Although you may not yell and show off immaturely as your abuser does, but that's not to say that your feelings don't count, because they certainly do! If you want to put your feelings out there as a method of cooling off, go for it!

7) 'This is my experience and these are my emotions'

Owning your emotions and therefore making them clear is a powerfully invigorating experience that will certainly intimidate your abuser. Likewise, it will really reinforce the idea that you no longer feel confused with regard to what has happened and that you stand by your own version of events, meaning you have nothing to be ashamed of.

8) 'Listen to how I feel'

That's right, you deserve to be heard and no one should have the authority to silence you, despite them making you feel small or weak. Speaking up for yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do when you are trapped in a toxic relationship.

9) 'I'm making this decision for myself'

Reinforcing the fact that you are strong enough to stand on your own two feet is the first step towards escaping the toxic grip of a gaslighting abuser. Remember, you can only be toyed with if you refuse to believe in yourself and your abilities.

10) 'I stand by my truth'

This is the ultimate sucker punch to abusive partners because it reaffirms that despite their gaslighting tactics, you can't be coerced into thinking a certain way and that you'll always recognize your own truths. No matter what they do, you are strong enough to defend yourself against their dishonest ways.

What makes a gaslighter angry?

When it comes to making a raging gaslighter see red, two techniques stand out from the crowd.

1) Strategy One: Point out the comprehension problems between you

This technique is particularly effective if you want to know how to annoy a gaslighter when they try to annoy you in public. For example, you are eating in the lunchroom at your workplace, surrounded by your colleagues. Everything is going well for you until your gaslighting coworker makes fun of you and belittles you in order to make themselves look good. In order to turn the situation to your advantage, point out to your audience that the bully has difficulty understanding what you say.

2) Second strategy: Ignorance

A gaslighter feeds on your energy, this is why they are called "energy vampires". To achieve their goals, they use every means at his disposal: flattering you, giving you affection, making you feel guilty, or even scaring or irritating you. They feel important when the attention of many people is focused on them. This is how they feel they exist.

They believe that you are inferior to them and that you owe them something. If you tend to feel guilty, you can quickly feel drained of energy in their presence. The best way to make them angry is not to do what they want you to do. Stop thinking about them as much as you can, either in a negative or positive way.

Editor's opinion - The hardest step is speaking up

Leaving a toxic relationship is never easy, but don't fret because there are many ways out. To get the ball rolling when it comes to breaking the cycle of abuse, you need to start recognizing your own value and therefore speaking up for yourself. Speaking out will be challenging, but it will be an important step in rebalancing the power and stepping back from the toxicity of the scenario.

🤗 Understand yourself, accept yourself, be happy... Let’s do it here and now!


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